I'd like feedback on my article: Clive Cussler, Author

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   powers41posted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   
   I made several changes today and I hope it shows improvement.  Can someone re-check my article please.  Christmas day eastern time 3:40  PM
   Here is my article: Clive Cussler, Author

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   psycheskinnerposted 4 years ago

   Your article needs more structure.  Have separate text modules with headings like: biography, books, NUMA. Put full sized pictures next to the most relevant section of text.  Also more info, it would be reasonable for a reader to expect a full list of his books, best seller and award achievements etc.

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      powers41posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so very much.  I will edit again and inserting a list of some of his books is a great idea.  I am so glad to be here learning to have great articles to submit.  I will now edit and submit again.  You Hubbers are great with advise.  Thanks again

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3. 93

   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   Hi, Frances. You should proofread your bio and the article carefully in order to catch several errors. The article begins with a sentence fragment, so this needs to be changed as well. As Rupert has said, boldface text shouldn’t be used in the article. There’s also no need to write the name of the museum or the writer entirely in capital letters.
   
   The use of multiple text capsules would be a good idea, as psycheskinner says. Full-width photos (with a suitable license) would look better than small ones. In addition, placing the photos between text capsules would look better than grouping them together.

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   powers41posted 4 years ago

   Alicia, thank you so so much.  I am striving to be perfect and you are giving me the best  ways to do that!

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   TessSchlesingerposted 4 years ago

   You don't have a good command of language in the article. Your grammar is off.
   
   Also, don't refer to him as Clive. He is not your friend. You are writing an article. It is either "Clive Cussler," or "Cussler," or "Mr. Cussler."
   
   In addition, all articles on the web must be visual.
   
   Your pictures need to be larger, and your first one must be good enough for people to click on it. Next, you should have pictures every few paragraphs.
   
   Rather than using bold for a change of topic, put each new topic in a different box. The title is used for SEO purposes, so they need to be phrases that people are searching for.

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      Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Did someone forget their chamomile tea today?

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      powers41posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so very much for the advise.  I am in boot camp so take heart.  You say grammar is off.  Exactly what are you referring to?  Good to know about pics.  I will be dillengently working on edits.

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         TessSchlesingerposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Your first sentence is "Born in 1931 in Aurora, Illinois but grew up in Alhamora, California."
         
         You don't have a subject in the sentence. It should be "Clive Cussler was born in Aurora in 1931 but grew up in Alhamora, California."  Also place comes before time.
         
         https://www.englisch-hilfen.de/en/gramm … lung_2.htm
         
         You say "It while in the U.S. service Dirk found a love of snorkeling and it would serve him well for many of his plots in his novels."
         
         The sentence should read "It WAS while in the U.S Service THAT CUSSLER (not Dirk) found a love of snorkeling, and it would serve him well for many of THE (not his) plots in his novels."
         
         There is a comma after snorkeling because the clause following has a subject. If it didn't have a subject, then it wouldn't need a comma.
         
         Your sentence structure is incorrect There's an error or three in virtually every sentence.
         
         Here's another one " Dusting off an old typewriter they had he pecked away to finish his first novel."
         
         You're using the passive voice rather than the active voice. It's best to limit your use of passive voice. You also need to punctuate correctly. The sentence should read "Dusting off an old typewriter, he pecked away to finish his first novel."
         
         Also:
         
         Advise is a verb - you advise someone on something.
         Advice is a noun. you receive advice from someone.
         I can't edit the entire piece.

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            powers41posted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Oh my God!  I can now see clearly what you are saying!  Some were things I should have caught by proofing!  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your help.  Amazing how much I can learn!

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         Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Good that you are taking this is in your stride. There are a lot of typos but the basic grammar is fine. I am sure you will make it through boot camp.
         
         Best way to find typos is to set aside the article for a few days, then reread it.

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            TessSchlesingerposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            There is a vast difference between a typo and grammar. The examples that I gave are not typos. They are grammar.
            
            My life would have been much easier if people had been honest. Honesty is helpful because one can work to correct it. 'Being nice' is only okay if one doesn't really want help and one only wants encouragement.
            
            And, yes, It is good that she is able to question what I mean. Then I can give her examples, and that will enable her to fix the piece.

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            powers41posted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you all so much!  I intend to improve, proof read, research.  I feel great with all your help!

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   Rupert Taylorposted 4 years ago

   After a quick go through these appeared"
   
   
   "... it would serve him well for many of his plots in his novels
   
   . While his wife ..." You've hit return in front of the period.
   
   "He and Barbara had married in 1955 and were together almost fifty years toll (till) her death in 2003."
   
   
   "The Carpathia sunk the 17th of July 1918 after being torpedoed by Germany off the southern Irish coast." It was torpedoed by a German submarine not by the country.
   
   Captain Arthur Henry Rostron (was) awarded a medal for rescuing the survivors of the Titanic.
   
   These sorts of errors look sloppy and readers may conclude that if the writing is sloppy probably the research is too.

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      powers41posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      How can I ever thank all of you and your help to make me pay attention.  Thanks so much.

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   Jodahposted 4 years ago

   Hi Frances, you received good advice here already. You do need to proofread the article as everyone has said, and change the images to full width ones.

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      powers41posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Again thanks for all the advice given.

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