I'd like feedback on my Hub: Antique & Vintage Telephones

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   JaneNewposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Antique & Vintage Telephones. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Jane,
      
      The problem is with your Amazon links. You can only link to a product if you are specifically discussing it in the article. You are not being specific enough.
      
      Watch out for awkward phrasing, "Telephones were invented in the 1870's and little had changed until the recent popularity of mobile phones, and now nearly every individual carries a phone in their pocket or on their wrist."
      
      That is a run-on sentence and the second half is not connected to the first.
      
      "The first telephones were invented in the 1870s (no apostrophe) and not much changed until the mobile phone came along. Now nearly everyone carries a phone...."
      
      Go through the writing and delete as many unnecessary words as you can, especially the verb 'to be'. Like this: "Several people have helped in the invention of the phone..." You don't need 'have'. It just makes the sentence woolly.
      
      You are writing in a passive voice constantly, try to rectify it by changing your word order around, like this: "The Candlestick type has a long neck and there are many that can be found."
      
      "The Candlestick type is long-necked, and there are many examples around today." I actually don't like that sentence and would probably rewrite it completely.
      
      There's a website called Hemingway where you can copy and paste your text, and it will highlight all the passive voice sentences as well as other issues.
      
      Hope that helps.

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         JaneNewposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you, I will try these ideas and see how it works out.

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         JaneNewposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         I just fixed this article.  I added a link where I hope it is discussed well enough. Then I fixed the sentences.  I also looked for passive writing.  Is there a free version of Hemingway that I can use on my desktop?

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            theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            No the desktop version has to be paid for but it's quite reasonable. I have it myself. Having said that, there is no difference at all between the two.

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   psycheskinnerposted 6 years ago

   The pages isn't coming up for me. But as some e who collects vintage phones the idea they didn't change much blows my mind a bit. Enthusiasts consider these different designs to be radically different. Even different models of the same phone are wildly different to the enthusiast

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      JaneNewposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I just checked the link and it came up for me.  I just re-published it again, could that cause it to change?

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