I'd like feedback on my article: How Apple May Change the Industry for Arm Chips

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   Rakshit-Jainposted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Do I need to add more content? Or is it to brief and needs to be explained?
   Here is my article: How Apple May Change the Industry for Arm Chips (must be signed in to view)

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      Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Rakshit-jain, First, I look at the topic title. It i correctly in the APA format or style. It is the model HP approved.       That said, the next sub-topic or capsule "The  Current Scene" is also APA styled and correct. The other sub-topics needs to be corrected.     But your sentences are long and complex.          Use short simple sentences. Compound sentence. Complex sentence. Varied your sentences to break the tone of monotony.          The article is somehow short. Bless your heart. Is it worth 760 words? HP suggest that as a minimum.                       Welcome to HP. On your time line, you'll see HELP button. It is at the top right hand side. Click it and go to the LEARNING CENTER.      He you learn HP writing skills. Good luck! And once again, welcome to HP.

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         Rakshit-Jainposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you for your reply sir

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            Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Hi there, I go through your article again. I note you're yet to make some changes. What's preventing you? Thanks.

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               Rakshit-Jainposted 4 years agoin reply to this

               Ok I finally changed the article You should see it now

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                  Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

                  Rakshit, okay here we go. Let's modify the topic: "How Apple May Change the Laptop Industry for ARM Chips." Makes much sense.                            Insert. "Introduction" capsule for the beginning narration. In the story, "But what's next?" sounds more a question than a statement. "Why don't we just find out?" is also a question.                     Under the Current Scene: "But some did already had thought it first." and needs a period or fullstop(.). So "let's... see" now become. Let's...see" as after the period, the small letter (l) become (L).                                The Chrome Books or Linux Laptops(this should be a new capsule). And here are the problems I found. "I believe in Linux based...that might do this right. Thanks to...(I break the long sentence into two and put a period. You copying?      Hi, what do you mean by 400$? I think $400 is ok?                                "With Apple moving... through thunderbolt, it might probably...laptop. Thanks.

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                     Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

                     Rakshit, more is following. Have patient.

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                        Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

                        Hi, let's continue from  "Thanks." What do you mean by 400$? $400 makes sense.                  "With. Apple moving...expanssion through thundercolt, it might probably work...laptop. Thanks.     What About Other Laptops-the issue is the 2nd parag- "for now, I can...of processors. So you can choose...docked. But for light on...ARM, while heavier...on x64 architecture.                 This is the...performance comparison. But the...rugged laptops.       These laptops not Laptops. Please explain  ARM at the introductory stage of the story.

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                           Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

                           The next stage will come last. Bear with me. Thanks.

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                              Rakshit-Jainposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                              Hello I don't understand much of the edits that you are asking to make Can you talk over Discord.

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                              Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

                              Rakshit, you are yet to make all the changes. Will get back to you later. Thanks

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   psycheskinnerposted 4 years ago

   I think you need to start by saying what an ARM chip is, what it does, and what the alternatives to it are.

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   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   As Miebakagh and psycheskinner say or show, ARM should be written in capital letters every time you mention it. You should also explain what it is. Another problem is that you need to correct the English errors in the article.
   
   You need to be careful about capitalizing words that shouldn’t start with a capital letter. This applies to both your article and your bio. Miebakagh has mentioned that the word laptop shouldn’t be capitalized, for example.
   
   The first sentence in the article should be reworded.
   
   ‘But some did already had thought it first. Let's see what does that brings for them” is not grammatically correct.
   
   The second paragraph in the “What About the Other Laptops?” capsule is a long sentence that needs to be broken up.
   
   It’s not a good idea to use a casual word like “gonna” in an article.
   
   The article contains additional errors in grammar, so you should go through it carefully. You have some good information to share, but I think you’ll need to correct the English problems in order to get the article featured.

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      Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Rakshit, I agreed with Alicia. And besides you were yet to copy me along. More to come later. Thanks.

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         Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

         The "ARM" please explain the initial at the introductory stage of the article.                             "Thanks...efficiency cores...increasing performance for video editing, gaming, and...modeling." You copying?                        "So. What Do You Think" should be a 'poll capsule.' With the  question: 'Can laptop switch from Intel to  AMD' with these simple answers. Yes/No. You copy? Good.

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            Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Rakshit, engaged your audience, readers, and  visitors.                           So, add another 'poll capsul' with the question: "Have you ever heard of AMD or ARM?" supply choice answers. Interesting? Okay here.                      Conclusion. This again is a new capsule. Summarized briefly how significant the article is in not more than 6 sentences. More coming.

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               Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

               Rakshit, the article is less 800 words to be featured. Add two text capsule, one photo capsule, and one you tube video capsule.          Cap1. 'Additional Information.' Go online, browse through books, tech magazines information on both AMD and ARM. Put them in Arabic numerals 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.              Cap2. 'Special Information on ARM' Put these in bullet form(*).    Let me see the edit. Thanks.

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                  Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

                  Rakshit, you were not doing any edit yet.           Don't forget to carry the psycheskin advice as a new text capsule.            Moreover, the article being a tech base is worth referencing.           List the books, journals, and online links your source the facts. List them in Arabic numerals.                       So far, so good.

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