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I'd like feedback on my article: Driving Home With Slogans

  1. profile image60
    johannuposted 2 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Driving Home With Slogans. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 2 months agoin reply to this

      That's one crazy hub. Clever idea though. A lot of it doesn't make sense and probably needs to be cut out. I have no idea if you will ever get it approved.

      Should it be in 'Politics and Social Issues'?

      Your images: you can't take images from the internet and republish them without permission. Getty Images will not hesitate to sue you for illegal use. You can't include watermarked images either. Just because you can view them on the web, doesn't mean you can take them for your own use. HubPages is a commercial site - photo copyright holders will take a dim view of you attempting to make money from their work.

      https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … -image-use

      I shall be interested to see what other hubbers think of this one.

  2. pen promulgates profile image80
    pen promulgatesposted 2 months ago

    Hi Johannu,

    It looks like you have put much efforts writing your article, but I don't understand what you want to highlight. I read 4 to 5 paragraphs in the beginning, and couldn't fathom your message.

    Your article is not a magazine-style one. It looks like you are preaching a group or something.

    Even tough you cited the sources, are your images legal to use? The wonderland image is watermarked. That's not allowed in HP.

    Good luck.

    1. profile image60
      johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you for the points you raised.

  3. Rupert Taylor profile image96
    Rupert Taylorposted 2 months ago

    I'm with PP on this. Most of what you have written is gibberish. Practically every sentence is not a sentence. Subject, verb, object may seem old fashioned but it works in conveying ideas.

    There's not much that can be done to rescue this. Before you go any further I suggest you spend some time at the Learning Center here https://hubpageshelp.com/
    Where you will discover that what HubPages is looking for is not what you have offered.

    1. profile image60
      johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks

  4. theraggededge profile image96
    theraggededgeposted 2 months ago

    He's written it with advertising slogans... for cars. It's an original concept, but probably not suitable for HubPages. My guess is he got the idea from YouTube or somewhere.

    1. profile image60
      johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

      It's actually a crazy idea as you rightly pointed out. What I'm trying to achieve by this gibberish of a write-up is to drive home a message to the over 250 ethnic groups in Nigeria by combining more than 250 advertising slogans from different automotive brands. Above the line are the taglines. But below the line are the fault lines that define the Nigerian State.

      It's like I may not go far with this one, considering the feedback above.

      Thanks.

      1. theraggededge profile image96
        theraggededgeposted 2 months agoin reply to this

        You will probably do better with this on a personal site or blog. HubPages is looking for informative, magazine-style articles.

        It might also be a good idea to explain up front, with a properly written introduction, what you are trying to achieve. Most people are going to be confused before they make the connection.

        It must have taken a lot of research.

  5. profile image60
    johannuposted 2 months ago

    Could you please take another look at my post? What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 2 months agoin reply to this

      "Readers are challenged to find between the lines the taglines of their favourite car brands."

      Find what? You have to clarify so your reader **understands from the beginning**. This is an article, not a riddle.

      Okay, this is what I see:

      A bunch of advertising slogans.
      A few unrelated photos.
      Then a Nigerian senator.
      Some more unrelated photos, including a coffin.
      Then back to the slogans.
      Then a music video
      Then Nigerian material.

      "White lives matter; it is “Standard living.” Black lives matter; it is Sandalili. Sandalili is married to Jang. But Jang’s nation and Jagaban’s home country alias Jagajaga is the giant of Jagbajantis. In the new Jag generation, Stan and Oliver are free to “Jingle over like a motor.” But in the Jagajaga of a country, Sandalili and Jang are bound to “Jangilova epo motor.”

      What on earth is that about? It's total gibberish. No way is this hub going to pass QAP.

      As I said before, I quite liked what you did with the slogans. However as a political piece of writing it's never going to work. You've attempted a mash-up of two things and it hasn't come off.

      Photos/images: https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … -image-use You can't lift images from sites like the Co-op funeral site!

      You have to rethink what you are trying to do here. First of all, relatively few people are going to read this because of its political message (whatever that is). How many Nigerians do you think will be searching for this? No-one not involved in Nigerian politics is going to care. Your prospective readership is minuscule. Even if the hub got featured (unlikely) it will soon be unfeatured for lack of traffic.

      I would take this and learn that this is not what HubPages wants. You can use the idea in a different way - make it just about cars, maybe?

      Or publish it on a personal blog.

      I'd like to see a hub that showcases your own writing.

      1. profile image60
        johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

        Thank you for taking the time to peruse and critique my writing.

        The paragraph you quoted above is understood by Nigerians and Nigerians only. And I have to agree with you that I should keep Nigerian politics out of this.

        I'm going to trim off unrelated stuffs and come back for more help.

        Thank you.

  6. profile image60
    johannuposted 2 months ago

    Hi theraggededge and everyone out there. Could you please kindly give further help to improve my article. Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 2 months agoin reply to this

      "Page does not exist" sad

      1. profile image60
        johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

        I think the link is up now. Thanks.

      2. profile image60
        johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

        Bev, I've re-submitted my article for QAP review. The page will be available to view for a brief moment of time. Please hint me to improve.

        Thanks.

        1. theraggededge profile image96
          theraggededgeposted 2 months agoin reply to this

          I can't tell you any more, Johannu. Why don't you set this one aside, have a look at other hubber's work and see if a new topic occurs to you. You don't have to invest everything into one article - just try something else.

          1. profile image60
            johannuposted 2 months agoin reply to this

            You have a point. Thank you thus far.

 
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