Hoe to improve my article and get featured?

1. 77

   jackclee lmposted 7 years ago

   Here is link to my article -
   
   https://hubpages.com/sports/Friends-of-CCNY-Fencing
   
   I must have edited it 10 times and were rejected each time...
   How can I improve it?
   What am I doing that is wrong here?
   I've written hundreds of articles all featured.
   Somehow, the QAP just keep flagging this one...
   I am baffled.
   Thanks for any help.

   replyreport
   1. 75

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      It's the pixelated image, Ed Lucia

      replyreport
      1. 77

         jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, I will delete it and see if it passes.

         replyreport
   2. 0

      Will Apseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Apart from the image...
      
      You need a proofreader. The main problem is an eccentric use of capital letters. Just one example:
      
      'Because the mandatory Physical Education classes has been elliminated, there is no pool of potential team members to draw recruits.'
      
      'eliminated' is misspelled
      
      'Physical Education' should not be capitalized (also, where has it been eliminated?)
      
      'pool of potential team members to draw recruits' should be 'pool of potential team members to draw recruits from'
      
      That is small but maybe important stuff. The bigger issue might be the type of article. It is not really an info article, more a promo. I don't pretend to know where the eds draw the line on this.
      
      Best of luck with it.

      replyreport
      1. 77

         jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for the suggestions.
         It is not due to the content I can assure you. The automated QAP does not care what the content is about. I have published plenty of similar articles...
         It is purely mechanical...
         It checks for quality based on grammar and spelling and a few other attributes. It does not like links even though some links is related to the topic... (?)
         
         It also does very little quality based on writing skills.
         I will try some of your suggestions...
         Thanks.

         replyreport
         1. 77

            jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            It just got rejected again...
            With all these changes...
            I am baffled.

            replyreport
            1. 75

               theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               Okay, let's have another go...
               
               Explain what CCNY stands for right at the beginning.
               
               Delete the word 'introduction' and write a proper introduction explaining what the group is, what happens there and why you needed to write the piece. I had no idea what the topic was until I read on further.
               
               Is anyone searching for the title?
               
               Your author bio is not connected to the topic.
               
               "Our mission is to help the CCNY Women's Fencing team improve its standing in collegiate athletics, among Division III schools." And that's the first and last mention of women.
               
               Query: why are only men the founding members of a women's fencing team?
               
               Where are the women? Where are the photos of women? Oh, there's one right at the bottom. You do realise that the whole article seems to be about men? Yet the team is a women's team. This is weird, to say the least and probably why the hub has been rejected. Nothing to do with 'mechanics'.
               
               The section about honoring past coaches isn't necessary unless they coached the ladies' team. Stay on topic.
               
               The stadium photo is not relevant.
               
               Where is the information about the work being done in schools?
               
               Where is the information about the team's achievements?
               
               How many members in the team? Who is the youngest/oldest? What are the interesting facts about them? How do you intend to raise funds? Events? How do you intend to attract new team members?
               
               There is so much more you could write, yet you haven't. Frankly, as it stands, it's boring. Why write a mediocre article when you could write a brilliant one?
               
               Hope that helps.

               replyreport
               1. 77

                  jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  I can see I have my work cut out...
                  You make some very good points and I will explain briefly.
                  The problem at CCNY goes back 30 years...with open admission and later with Title IX regulations.
                  There is no Men's team anymore. That is why we decided to help the current Women's team in a round about way to hopefully restore Men's team down the road...
                  The school is undergoing severe budget problem now and we are afraid the survival of the teams are in doubt...
                  
                  Our group were formed to help and to pay tribute to past coaches both Men's and Women's team coaches...
                  
                  I hope this is clear. I will try to explain it better in the hub. I am doubting it will help at this stage. my experience is that if they don't feature it after all these edits, it does not look good...

                  replyreport
                  1. 77

                     jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                     By the way, I just created this hub and it got featured on the first try..
                     
                     https://hubpages.com/health/A-Life-Saving-Wristband
                     
                     Go figure???

                     replyreport
                  2. 75

                     theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                     "Our group were formed to help and to pay tribute to past coaches both Men's and Women's team coaches..."
                     
                     That's not what the mission statement says on the hub. They are two very different things.
                     
                     "Our mission is to help the CCNY Women's Fencing team improve its standing in collegiate athletics, among Division III schools."
                     
                     So, it is not clear You need to clarify which mission you are writing about. And then write about it.

                     replyreport
                     1. 77

                        jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                        My article is finally featured after a week of edits ...
                        Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions...
                        I am not sure which item finally made it over the top.
                        I am just glad it is featured now.

                        replyreport
                        1. 75

                           theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                           Good news Congrats.

                           replyreport
   3. 76

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I took a quick peek at the article and here are my impressions:
      
      Your title is not search friendly.  You would do better to have a title such as  What You Might Want to Know About the.....................(and name the organization).
      
      Normally you don't write the words "Introduction" or "Summary" when creating a hub.  Your wordage should be good enough to let the reader know what these sections are.
      
      You don't need a capsule title on your first section...only on those that follow.
      
      You need to be more clear about what it is you are trying to say.  Are you giving us the history of this organization (which, by the way you should spell out the name of in your first paragraph), are you going to talk about the people involved in it, are you going to talk about problems it is having?
      
      You need to focus on one area and then support that area with facts, figures, photos, etc.  Your content, while well written, is disorganized.
      
      You have to remember that readers may not be acquainted with this organization, so you need to be very specific and clear so that they will understand.  Otherwise, you'll lose them.
      
      Good Luck.

      replyreport
2. 0

   Will Apseposted 7 years ago

   I would email them and ask them what the issue is.

   replyreport
3. 0

   pen promulgatesposted 7 years ago

   Wow. Congrats. Happy for you.
   Did you make it a new hub and submit?

   replyreport
   1. 77

      jackclee lmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      No, just keep editing and resubmitting...probably up ward of 15 iterations.

      replyreport