Spending Thanksgiving , home alone, without my family..and it gets wor

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

   So, here I am , reaping the consequences of leaving my husband of 14 years for 4 months , from late March 2009 to July 4th, 2009..
   He did not think it was best last night when he was drunk and screaming at me for no reason , except I did not to the dishes..
   Tomarrow, I have to go back to the Hospital to get my meds, or try to, without being admitted. I am Permanently Disabled, and turned in my pain doctore and a patient ( who we are assuming he told the doctor it was me, and 6 days after he scheduled an appointment and a screen on a new cancerous tumor on my spine, cancelled my appointment.
   I have tried to get a new pain dr, but everyone is booking 90 to 180 days in advance..I have one more dose of the medicine that keeps me functional for tonight.
   
   I tried to do the right thing with the dr., he was giving a 22 yr old kid, with no problems methadone and 120 dillaudids a week..this kid had track marks all over his arms, so my therapist said do the right thing, I brought it up to the doctor and it did not stop, I found out who the kid was, told his probation officer..they ignored me, so we turned the doctor in for prescribing high narcotics to a young kid, with NO HEALTH PROBLEMS, who is just a junkie..
   My letter I recieved stated, it is at will, I have cut down my hours and unfortunatlt we are ending your contract.
   
   Now I have 4 buldging disks, Degenerative disk disease, lupus, have had cancer 2 times , P.A.D., 3 brain Mengionomas..and thats just the basics..
   
   I need someone to pray for me..before I fineally give up..I am 1 day away from just doing so.
   Thank you for listening

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      cosetteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      just popped in to read...hang in there BC....i don't know you but i'm here for you too. you are NOT alone. not at all. people really DO care! everyone already gave you some excellent advice, so i can't add on to it, so i will just leave a picture to hopefully make you smile. it is a pic of my carebear
      
      
      
      he sends hugs too

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      rebekahELLEposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      bump, has anyone heard from BC?

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

   I came home when my husband swore the abuse had ended, I ended up living with a roomate who paid me not a penny to live off me and I am on Permanent SSI disability.
   
   Well, recently, since the mess with the doctors and findong one, I have lost alot of my range of motion, ability to stand straight, ect..and my husband has started drinking again.
   I wish I had a tape recorder to record to him what he said last night, this morning he wanted to know why I was not ready to go..I had sat up all night crying, trying to contemplate if loosing my life was worth it..
   
   I belive with everyones faith, tomarrow just might prove to be a brighter day untill I can get into pain management..I only need refills untill I get to a new doctor, and there are not many around here.
   
   Yes, I have a book of records proving I need what I need, I do not drink, I do not use any street drugs or any other's prescriptions and I was even told by the nurse this one does not neeed rehab, she just needs help for a month at least..
   
   I am at the weakest point of my life right now, tomarrow I will know if it is time to give up and let my sould move to a better body or a better place, whatever you believe in...
   
   Like I said, I hate to ask, but please put a prayer or 2 in for me today and tonight..its hard enough dealing with the stress and now being alone on thanksgiving.
   Guess I will list some things on ebay. If I am hospitalized, my husband can take care of it..He owns the company, I just make all the product as a "craft" ( how they consider it ), because I can do everything sitting or standing for less than 10 minutes.

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      thevoiceposted 13 years agoin reply to this

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      AnywhereGardenerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I will pray for you sweetie and keep coming back to your Hubs, you will find it helps to have the promise of prayers and good thoughts coming your way. They certainly do make it hard these days for people who need pain meds, the doctors are so afraid of losing their licenses they instead undertreat those who are in pain.
      If you haven't yet been to www.MDJunction.com I would offer you this website as a place to get answers, help, hear from others in your same position as they really, really will care. Pick the disease/condition that most relates to you and then start reading, there are others in your same boat and they will help, I promise.
      My daughter has a condition which there is no cure and I was surprised to find a lot of other teen girls have the same thing, so I talk to their moms and we trade advice and encouragement. Prayers I believe help, whether you pray to God, Budda, Mother Earth . . . . so even those who say they will pray but don't believe will be helping you.

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   wyanjenposted 13 years ago

   B.C.
   
   Try to hang in there. You may be alone today but you are not the only one is.
   
   When I'm stuck by myself with nobody to reach out to, I imagine how many others are in the same spot and try to take some comfort from that.
   
   It's easy when you're alone on T-day or Christmas to imagine that every other person on the planet is having a beautiful and perfect holiday but that is not the truth. There are many folks stuck alone today.
   
   I wish you a happy thanksgiving.
   I'm sending you good thoughts. Try to relax today and tomorrow you will find the strength that you know you have.
   
   

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   Helen Caterposted 13 years ago

   Wow, what a story you have to tell, but please don't give up. I know there does not appear to be much for you to look forward to, but try. You are one strong cookie to go through what you are. I will say a few prayers for you, if that is your wish, although I fear he does not listen to non belivers like myself. Hang in there, and for what it's worth over here we do not have thanksgiving so you are not alone.

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

   I do have a nurse from Akron General Hospital, who has my book of reports, exrays and catscans, also the court order from WAYNE COUNTY MUNICIPAL COURT to stay on my current med treatment.
   ( this is uncommon for them to do, but when I lost my doctor I did go to 3 consults, was traeted as an addict, wich I am not, I want no more than to follow my plan, so I can live my life, and NOT break my court order..no chronic pain sufferers can not get this court order, you have to have SERIOS medical issues to get this and a book of proof like I have and a State of Ohio ( or whatever state ) prove without them I would be in a nursing home, in my mid 30's...
   
   So dont try, this is not advice, this is my case, this nurse called me yesterday, said come to the er in the morning, she has a doctor to see me and she is holding my file and will be looking for me.
   
   So all I need is your faith and prayer, once one issue is solved, I can function and move on to geting my family back like it was for years and getting back into a normal routine with my morning helper aid and my helper dog.

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   SandyMcCollumposted 13 years ago

   This is the second post like this today, B.C.!
   
   I already prayed for you and I will again. And again, until you get what you need. I'm so sorry for your troubles, I've had a few doctor-related troubles myself. They are hard to deal with, they have all the "authority". Don't give up!
   Healing thought waves to you: (((((((((((((((((((

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   Leta Sposted 13 years ago

   You sound very upset BC...I'm sorry. If I were you, I'd take the time to spend by yourself and maybe take a walk in nature.  Or do whatever it is YOU do that makes you feel good.
   
   Get a new doctor, I can tell you that for sure.  Have faith it will work out in the end...because that is the best way to arrange your thoughts for something positive to happen.
   
   Hey...I've been were you are.  Maybe not in as bad a situation, but we have all been there.
   
   ?

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

   I know, for I am a wiccan..but I am so weak at this point, my beautiful hair has started to turn grey overnight..I can use faith, from any god out there..Im trying to hang in there, if you do not hear from me for awhile, I am , lets just say , hopefully hospitalized for the time being..at least in there I can get my medication.
   with any luck, this nurse sounded very optimistic, that she has a dr who can get me what I need untill I can get to pain management..
   I have learned one thing out of this, NEVER DO THE RIGHT THING, TURN A BLIND EYE..I DID THE RIGHT THING, ONLY I AM SUFFERING....the 2 turned in are not..this kid even moved to my town and showed up at my house to try and cause property damage and rub ibn the medications he gets to get high, as he even stated to my husband...
   
   people who can use other methods who have unspecified chronic pain, or those who do not have any problems, are and have ruined it for the rest of us who depend on our meds to walk, reach, move, and live a somewhat normal life..chronic pain can be controlled with a tens unit, serious health issues and deformaties and diseases can not

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

   oddly enough I read that..it is simply "chronic pain"..no multiple diseases to follow..
   for that they give tens units and should, those are the drug seekers who make us in real need look like junkies to where the doctors fear helping us

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    Leta Sposted 13 years ago

    Yes.  Understand the issues with chronic pain...a little.  See hubs by livelonger, because I think he gets it more (?)
    
    Do understand about your hair, though, lol, .  I am a hair girl, too.

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    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    I was getting ready to sign off and saw your post. the holidays bring out depression for many, there is always hope, if only a glimmer.
    
    someone once said, 'the sun is still shining behind those clouds.' you are in my heart, BC~~
    
    keep talking, people care about you.

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    wesleycoxposted 13 years ago

    BC: I read of your troubles just now and my heart goes out to you.  You ask for people to pray for you, I will pray for you, for you to have the strength necessary to make it through this.  You may think you are alone but you're not, we are all here and we all want you to feel better.  Take care and stay strong, help is on the way.  WC

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

    Well, with my 120 "book " of occice notes, tests, positive diagnoses, and 2 days ago proof that my malformed spine has rapidly broken into pieces , the very last 2 disks at the bottom..I guess I have to have faith in the nurse at the ER that called me untill I an get where I need to be..then work on my family issues. Do to my post traumatic stress disordr, I can not cry now, because of the meds they give me for that ( I have but 3 blod relatives left, all many states away in South Carolina)...
    
    Ok, so being along is hard and makes me hate myself right now, but I have to be more concerned about tomarrow and the following days..
    
    ( see, I have a "birth mother" in a mental wrd for the criminally insaine, for 13 years she sexually, verbally, and physically broke every bone in my body and was not found guilty for 13 darn years...this I am ok to talk about and it does not bother me, I would not want to spend a Holiday with her or anywhere near her..I just wanted to be with my husband and child, the last holiday I got with them, and the last one I did not spend alone was New Years Eve, 2009.
    
    I need everyones faith for tomarrow..I am ready to be admitted for care, but with my prescriptions, I have my aid and I do not need hospitalization..
    
    so please, I beg, throw some faith my way
    To be honest I am going to open my ebay store to branch out beyonfd retail and mail ordr today, maybe keep my mind off things for a bit..if worse comes to worse, I found out you can put the stores on hold for vacation..I have well over 250 specialty products , I was a multi - professional ( yes college educated artist or ARTISAN ) before becoming fully disabled.

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

    you know, I do not know how I found hub pages back in sept or oct., but I stunbled upon it. I am glad I did ..I know that you may not personally know me, but most of you write from the heart, and I am taking it in as you do very much care about me and you are my friends..
    
    something I have needed for along time.
    When I became permanently disabled, I refused to "share" or "give out" any of my meds..and my so called friends of 10 to 13 years deserted me..they were not my friends, and in real life..I only have about 5 I am close to personally...
    
    but I fel I have some of you now, and I can not thank you enough for being here with me and for me always.
    
    Kerry   ( yes, this is my real name )

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    thevoiceposted 13 years ago

    THis father Michael of new world birth right life love of God Jesus the holy spirit happy thanks giving. Love to all humanity from God on God earth so all humanity knows of God human love with Jesus the holy spirit for all human life.
      May all be blessed to love all human life with God Jesus the holy spirit sop all human life will be free to God by birth nations earth. God love all human life in Jesus the holy spirit the red blood of Jesus is in all human life of God on God earth.
       New world faith is a birth right life truth peace freedom healing of all human life Jesus died for all humanity unto God.   THe birth of God on earth will bring the billions of God children to all life on earth.   Father michael sends for the birth right of God body blood of Jesus God love gave jesus to human death for human life free of the worlds sin.  THis God holy human truth for all humanity you and God Jesus the holy spirit in all nations Jesus died for you to so come free unto God in human life on God earth.  God love bless us all free unto the holy human life Jesus died for all God love from Father mike on thanks giving

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    mega1posted 13 years ago

    B.C. - Please, please remember that the holiday times are just the worst! It is already getting better for you. This day will pass - you have our prayers and we wish you the very best.  Please stay away from any abuse or negativity from others.  Since you are brave enough to share your story with us you are actually doing good for others, like me, who are not with their families and are feeling kinda low - how much worse it could be, I don't know! But our prayers are with you - I am sending energy toward yours to help you through this time.  Positive things will come - this is the lowest point - up, up, up from here!  Peace and love and blessings go with you!

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    poetlorraineposted 13 years ago

    thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers, keep talking to us we are listening honestly we feel for you, god bless

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    maudine_05posted 13 years ago

    I will offer a prayer for you Kerry, though I don't personally know you I pain for you..PLEASE HANG ON THERE!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

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    maudine_05posted 13 years ago

    We will be waiting for you everyday here, until, your comeback..GOD IS GOOD>> GOD BLESS YOU KERRY...

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    AEvansposted 13 years ago

    I will pray for you and you are not alone, I am certainly glad that I popped in to read for a few minutes.

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    jerrydel44posted 13 years ago

    I hope and pray you keep your strength. You need to focus on positive things and try and do the best you can. Pray for help things happen for a reason they say and although I hate it when people say this I do find that it is true. Hang in there in you have 5 good friends lean on them they won't mind. Be well my friend.

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    TINA Vposted 13 years ago

    I understand how you feel.  I hope you can check out my hubs on Inspirational Poetry about Life and Thanksgiving Day.  I wish that these articles will inspire you to be happy again.
    
    Happy Thanksgiving!

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    Ghost32posted 13 years ago

    With you all the way, Kerry.  You do certainly have it right about "No good deed goes unpunished". 
    
    Over the years I've known quite a number of folks who had all they could take and "opted out", the most recent being a granddaughter (my oldest daughter's daughter).  As it happens, I also know who a few of those Souls are NOW, since reincarnating.  So if we don't get it done this time, we get to try again the next go-round, it would seem.
    
    That said, hanging in there is definitely worth it if you can do it.  My prayers are definitely with you.

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    emievilposted 13 years ago

    Prayers for you Kerry. Hope that you will get well, get over the hurdle and come back to post that you are well again. Good luck and take care.

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       rebekahELLEposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       cute avatar for the holidays, emievil.

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    prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

    hi Kerry, I hope your feeling better now, and please dont lose hope, tight hugs and with prayers for you!

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    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    Kerry, thinking about you. I hope you're feeling better.

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    Himitsu Shugishaposted 13 years ago

    Kerry, just please remember that this too shall pass. Right now you're in a season of despair, but change is on the horizon. In the meantime look to your friends, which (after reading each response to your plight) are many, for support and guidance. Like everyone else, I will keep you and all those that are suffering in my prayers.

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    jachnov11posted 13 years ago

    Hi BOUTIQUE,
    
    Thanks for sharing such nice story. But i just want to say don't forget once the cloud of sadness are disappear you will become happy.
    
    ____________________
    http://www.familydetails.com/

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