I'd like feedback on my article: Goby, Environmental Monument in Ukraine

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  1. profile image0
    Mykolaposted 12 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Goby, Environmental Monument in Ukraine (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

      Hi Mykola,

      No keywords. Never a good idea.

      Improve your introduction. The article doesn't have to be geared to one small sector of potential readers, although it's always good to have your ideal reader in mind.

      I realise you are trying to improve students' linguistics but the title doesn't suggest that. Perhaps you need to rework it?

      The description of the Sea of Azov seems to be similar to many other sites, such as Wikipedia - is it necessary to include it? After all you are writing about a monument... I feel as though I'm losing the plot the further I read. I think the article is trying too hard. Is it historical? Is it about a monument? A person? A species of fish? Language use? A recipe? It's all a bit messy; it doesn't flow well.

      The Amazon capsule doesn't link to the topic. You think it does, but it doesn't. Foreign students aren't going to buying sprats on Amazon.

      The call-out capsule needs sorting out. The grammar in it is not good and it seems to run out of space.

      If you are interested in the topic, why not create several hubs around it? One about the monument and its history, one about Gobies as a fish and their habitat, one about cooking and eating them? I think you could lose the language teaching aspect all together.

      One tip: when you've picked a topic to write about, make a list of some appropriate subtitles. They are your road map. You need an introduction, followed by four or five capsules with suitable subtitles that explore the topic. Then a conclusion. That's it. Don't try to cram too much information into one article. Keep it on topic.

      Good luck.

      1. profile image0
        Mykolaposted 12 months agoin reply to this

        Thanks. Really, your remark about grammar in the callout is very important for me. But the Environmental phenomenon is always synthetic one. How to explain the role of the monument in the life of the town or a region without  description of the fish? Sorry, what is your opinion about the conclusion in form of linguistic tips for learners? Is it possible, going?  Your advice about series of hubs will help me in organising my future articles, I am glad receiving it. And the last question, if it's possible, when the video will not be  sounding in English is it sufficient the written summary of it in English? Yours

        1. theraggededge profile image96
          theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

          As I said, you need to decide on single topic. If you are writing about linguistics, then write about it in a different hub. If you are writing about a monument, then write about that. You can give a brief description and a little information about the fish itself, of course. You don't need a detailed description of the sea it comes from. If you want to do an examination of the fish as a sea creature, do it in another hub.

          I would delete the references to linguistics and the exercises at the end.
          Delete the description of the sea.
          Delete the recipe.

          Then see what you have left. Get it down to about 1500 words -- an article about the monument, its history and development, and its significance to the town. Make sure you categorise it appropriately.

          There are a lot of grammatical errors throughout -- which is another reason to get rid of the references to linguistics. You can't write about English language topics without using perfect English.

          I don't understand this subtitle: The Monument into the Profile with the Signature - To the Goby, Bread Winner

          What does that mean? There are other similar problems, for example, this one: The Favourite Habitat of the Goby is near the Sea Coast

          That could mean it likes living in a sweet little hut on the beach smile

          I can't go through the whole article. It needs detailed proofreading--perhaps you know someone who could help?

          Edit: Sorry, I missed your question about the video. Do you mean it's not in English? Then either delete it or replace it. Your article's audience is potentially worldwide, but mostly English-speaking, therefore, you can't direct it toward one sector or country. It's not possible.

          1. profile image0
            Mykolaposted 12 months agoin reply to this

            Thanks once more again. Pity, I would like to know your name. You are very interesting woman according to your thinking manner, but revenons a nos moutons. I understood your tips and even cheered up about the hut on the coast.Of course, I reduce the content thanks to your prompts. Faithfully yours. Mykola

            1. theraggededge profile image96
              theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

              You saucy flirt big_smile

              1. profile image0
                Mykolaposted 12 months agoin reply to this

                Is it well or no for you? I don't know psychology of non-Ukrainian women, if it isn't I am sorry. I have no practice in fluently English and I would like to continue our talkings about our articles only. Yours

                1. theraggededge profile image96
                  theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

                  It's all good smile

                  Just keep writing.

                  1. profile image0
                    Mykolaposted 12 months agoin reply to this

                    It's left for me to ask about comments at the end of the article. Who is to write them? By the way , sometimes I try to use Tarot in teaching foreign language, a great number of speech situations arise without computering and other tools, i.e. free of charge. Probably, it will be a new topic for your future article. I'd like to listen to your opinion. Yours


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