Need help passing quality assessment

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   mandalinladyposted 7 years ago

   
   Please help me pass quality assessment for Twenty First Century Gun Violence. http://hubpages.com/politics/twenty-fir … n-violence

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      Marketing Meritposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Susan.
      
      I read your hub and am so sorry to hear of your loss, although appreciate that words are of little comfort.
      
      As regards passing QAP, I have a few suggestions. There are several spelling and grammatical errors. Have you tried using Grammarly to help. In one place I believe you have written 'heat' instead of 'heart.'
      
      Next, I'm not entirely sure that the article reflects the title. You have already published a hub about the murder of your son, which you could link to in this hub. The title would be better if it reflected the fact that you are writing about the pain and loss of a loved one, as a consequence of gun crime in the 21st century.
      
      I would remove the border and title to your son's photo at the top. Insert the details in the caption.
      
      I also reached the same conclusion as Rupert insofar as this reads like a blog post as opposed to a stand-alone article. This is naturally an emotional subject for you to write about and your pain is evident. Nonetheless, it would be helpful if you could try and reflect on your hub as if you were reading it as a stranger.
      
      Hope this helps, but I feel your emotional attachment may be preventing you from adopting an objective approach to your content...no offence intended.
      
      My very best wishes to you and your family.

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   Rupert Taylorposted 7 years ago

   Everything, of course, is in the context of your terrible loss. I have no words that will ease the pain.
   
   To pass HubPages QAP articles need to be informative and magazine style, with rich media. Your article is a heartfelt outpouring of grief that is more appropriate for a blog. That said, there are also some writing mistakes.
   
   "My beautiful son left this world at 44 years of age, in a blue (blur?) of brutal gun fire. There was no warning for hi (him) or for us. No goodbyes or the last kill (kiss) on your (his) babies (baby's)face."
   
   "Our journey was a long hard one, but finally my sons (son's) accused killer, lost his own life, when he was found floating in a lake in Dover Delaware"
   
   "Have you ever watched television, and saw (seen) senseless acts of violence and death, and just literally gasped. Your heartens (?) with compassion for all concerned. But still these are things hat (that) happen to other people, not to you."

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   mandalinladyposted 7 years ago

   Thank you very much for your help. I had considered that the title perhaps did not fit the article the way it should. Actually it is more about the emotional trauma and heart break of parents who lost their children to gun violence. My title I had actually wondered if it kind of left it open where people would have expected to hear about a political issue, that is of great debate today concerning gun control. That is not what I wasn't this article to reflect. It was to make people think about what is robbing people of their children and what they could do about it.  I can see I not only have to change my title but I also have to as you suggested make it where it is more objectively written. Not sure if I can over come my emotions, to do that, I will have to see what I can do. After three years it is still very emotional.  Thanks again.

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