I'd like feedback on my article: Why Are We Forgetting Our Duties as a Citizen?

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  1. Parimal Bhakare profile image60
    Parimal Bhakareposted 6 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Why Are We Forgetting Our Duties as a Citizen? (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

  2. Rupert Taylor profile image98
    Rupert Taylorposted 6 years ago

    Your English language skills need to be improved. For example, your headline is grammatically incorrect it should be Why Are We Forgetting Our Duties as Citizens.

    In numerous places you have a space before a comma - there should only be a space after a punctuation mark.

    Layout is a problem. Large blocks of text need to be broken up into small paragraphs. Images should not be stacked together but sprinkled throughout.

    The word TRICOLOUR should not be in caps and if you are referring to the French flag you need to explain the context of including it.

    The word crore as part of the Indian counting system will not be understood outside the sub-continent.

    Random boldfacing need to be dropped.

    These are just a few of the problems I spotted in a quick scan of your article.

    1. Parimal Bhakare profile image60
      Parimal Bhakareposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks a lot Rupert. I acknowledge my mistakes. I'll surely work on them and try to improve my hub.

  3. lobobrandon profile image78
    lobobrandonposted 6 years ago

    In addition to what Rupert says, I would like to point out that you are writing for an Indian audience and you should not change your wording so that others understand it. Write for your audience - always.

    But the language can be improved a lot. You don't need to explain the tricolour nor bother with changing the term crore to 10 million. But all caps isn't necessary.

    You have random capitalization throughout the text, and bold font as already pointed out by Rupert. Your poll options are wrong grammatically. They should instead be:

    Will agree to him/her = Will agree with ...
    Will go away from there and don't respond = and won't respond

    Also, the structure could be changed (poll options) I would rather say, walk away and not respond instead of will go away from there and don't respond.

    The way it stands right now, I doubt your article will be featured. Also, HP is not the best place to post personal opinions. You won't do very well here with these articles. Instead, try and focus on something that searched for.

    1. Parimal Bhakare profile image60
      Parimal Bhakareposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks a lot Robobrandon. Your feedback is valuable for me. I'll surely work on my mistakes. I would also like to hear from you if there are any other platforms for opinions.

      1. lobobrandon profile image78
        lobobrandonposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        I've heard that's what Facebook is all about:)

  4. DrMark1961 profile image98
    DrMark1961posted 6 years ago

    As lobobrandon points out, this article may not be approved since it is an opinion piece. To make it easier for the rest of us to understand the context, however, I think you need to change the title to "Why are we Indians forgetting our duties as citizens".

    1. Parimal Bhakare profile image60
      Parimal Bhakareposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks a lot for your feedback DrMark1961. I'll surely work on them.

      1. theraggededge profile image88
        theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        And don't forget the question mark in the title wink

        1. Parimal Bhakare profile image60
          Parimal Bhakareposted 6 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks a lot theraggededge. You have pointed an important thing.

 
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