I'd like feedback on my article: Accessibility and the future of the Internet...

1. 69

   nabileidposted 5 weeks ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: Accessibility and the future of the Internet of Things (must be signed in to view)

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   1. 98

      theraggededgeposted 5 weeks agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      The first thing that stands out is your title and early subtitles. Make sure they are in title case, as per APA guidelines. Also the subtitle over the image and the next one are not necessary at all. There is no need to repeat the title.
      
      Your first sentence/paragraph is too long. Make short and snappy to grab your reader's attention.
      
      The writing is rambling and repetitive, so make sure you remove all unnecessary words and repeated ideas.
      
      Ensure you use actual concrete examples of the ideas proposed. I've only skimmed the article but it appears woolly and not very meaningful. Ask yourself who will benefit from such information? What information are you offering? Will they finish reading knowing more than they did before? Rather than keep repeating how exciting it all is, give actual examples of it helping someone.
      
      For example, this sentence doesn't add anything to the premise of the article:
      
      "Adopting a philosophy of creating an enabling environment through IoT, which embodies inclusiveness rather than just a smart environment, will go a long way towards ensuring inclusion in our technological futures."
      
      What does that mean? Embody inclusiveness to ensure inclusion?
      
      You've added two links which you precede with 'See...' Your article should be complete without sending people off site for relevant information. keep references at the end.
      
      Also, you need to break up the text into more than one text capsule. This will give you the chance to add legal-to-use images of actual 'things' that connected to the internet, which will help you focus on 'real' details.
      
      Plenty of work to do here. Good luck.

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      1. 69

         nabileidposted 5 weeks agoin reply to this

         Thank you for these valuable comments!

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2. 56

   tajwershakirposted 5 weeks ago

   I have found some punctuations error after reading first heading paragraph. Like you are writing very long sentences with a, & and together. Besides there at certain points you have inserted, instead of. So kindly go through these errors via copying or typing your written material in word document and you will be given suggestions there as well to fix punctuations. Or you can use grammarly app too to help you in highlighting grammatical issues. Remember hubpages don't like complex sentence structure and stick to rules of Ameeican style of creative writing. Create small and easily readable sentences. Avoid un necessary words in your writings like adverbs etc.

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   1. 69

      nabileidposted 5 weeks agoin reply to this

      Thank you, highly appreciate your efforts!

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3. 83

   psycheskinnerposted 5 weeks ago

   It seems to me that, despite the title, your hub doesn't tell me how IoT does help disabled people or will help them in the future.  From being on smarthouse forums I know there are many fascinating examples--

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