I'd like feedback on my article: Marriage Myths and Facts

1. 36

   CrazyThinkposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? And i need a help to look for Sentences.
   
   Marriage Myths and Facts
   
   Thanks!

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   1. 83

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there, welcome to HubPages.
      
      Firstly, are you married? You say, "Apparently, in the world of marriage,  there are many myths in circulation." That seems to say you are not married. You lose credibility if you have never been married.
      
      Secondly, you seem to be only addressing women. Is that the viewpoint you want to take in this globally gender-fluid age we live in? If yes, then make it clear in the introduction who your readers are.
      
      Thirdly, there are many grammatical errors. Have a friend read through it to help you pick up mistakes. You can also use free online Grammarly, although that won't pick up everything.
      
      Lastly, the material is old-fashioned in content. You talk about parental influence in detail. In a wider society, parents have much less input and influence over a married couple than you describe.
      
      I think I would like to read an article that describes how marriage works in your country (not sure where you are from). However, you can't really extend that rigid-sounding structure to the rest of the world because it's not how the majority of marriages work.
      
      Read this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog … ly-believe
      
      See how the writer uses research to back up her facts?
      
      Good luck.

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      1. 36

         CrazyThinkposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Hi ... thank you for the help of the information provided.
         
         I was married five years ago, having one child aged 3 years.
         
         Only for information, English is not my main language, So maybe there is missunderstanding in my writting. (i hope not).
         
         "in the world of marriage" yes this is my mistake. I should mention certain countries or regions because each country and region has cultural differences.
         
         "Secondly, you seem to be only addressing women." yes, at first this article was made for women, but in the middle, I thought about how men are also interested in reading this article. so I tried to include the role of a man, but it didn't seem to work. instead it made my article mess.
         
         "Thirdly, there are many grammatical errors" this is what I fear the most, I'm still learning. Unfortunately most of my friends are not very good at English either. hahaa.
         
         "Lastly, the material is old-fashioned in content. You talk about parental influence in detail." maybe, but for this one, in my country, the role of parents is still used as a very dependable person, someone who is a place to complain about his marriage. (mostly for women)
         
         I hope you understand my explanation. I am also very grateful for the help you provided, even though only from one article I learned a lot from your help.
         
         i will try to fix every mistake in my article.
         and one more thing, should I add "For Indonesian people especially women" in the opening of my article? And should I add Indonesia in my title?
         
         Iam from Indonesia by the way.
         
         Thanks.

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2. 83

   theraggededgeposted 6 years ago

   
   
   Yes, I think if you focus the article on Indonesian marriage, it will be more coherent. Also make it suitable for men and women.
   
   It'll take a lot of rewriting but you will learn a lot in the process. Research similar articles online. Study their structure and the points they make. Then adapt what you learn to fit your Indonesian culture.
   
   Meanwhile, work as hard as you can to improve your English: polish your writing skills and improve your grammar. Many ESL writers are successful here.
   
   For more information about writing here and what is required, go to the Learning Center - click Help, top right of any page to navigate there.

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3. 65

   psycheskinnerposted 6 years ago

   I would echo the idea that cover more "Myths and Facts about Indonesian Marriage" would be good.  People in your area might get help, people outside could learn what it is like there.

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