I'd like feedback on my article: After the World has Burned

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  1. Patrick Dunn profile image68
    Patrick Dunnposted 5 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: After the World has Burned

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    1. theraggededge profile image83
      theraggededgeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Patrick,

      You need a title that people are searching for.

      You need an introduction that tells the reader what the focus of the article is.

      You need sub-titles.

      You need to remain on topic - it's confusing.

      Break up big blocks of text into smaller paragraphs.

      It's 'grandma's painting', with an apostrophe.

      I'm still not sure what it's about.

      replyreport
    2. OldRoses profile image64
      OldRosesposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Your bio is confusing.  Which Tri-State area?  The US has lots of tri-state areas.

      Do you have permission to use the photos in your article?  You can only use your own photos or Creative Commons licensed photos.

      You need to change the title to something about private cloud storage if that is what your article is about.  You need to expand your explanation of private cloud storage if that is your topic.  You are an expert, your readers are not.  You have to explain EVERYTHING.

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      1. Patrick Dunn profile image68
        Patrick Dunnposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        After re-reading my post with your suggestions in mind, I expanded on the private cloud more. Please let me know what you think when you have time and thank you again!

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        1. OldRoses profile image64
          OldRosesposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          Yes, that is better.  I would also suggest that you have a friend or relative who is not an IT expert read your article to see if they understand what you are saying.  I used to work in IT and often found users confused by my terminology.  I called it "speaking Geek".  It's difficult for us to realize that we speak a different language and have knowledge that most people do not.  That was another mistake that I used to make, assuming that users had the same knowledge that I did.

          Sorry to keep harping on the photos, but do you have permission from the photographers to use the photos?  If so, you should say something like "used with permission".

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