I'd like feedback on my article: An evening with angels at the orphanage

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   Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article An evening with angels at the orphanage (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      galleryofgraceposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      It will not be published! Remove your publisher id from the bottom.

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         Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Done. Thanks!

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   Jeremy Gillposted 7 years ago

   Hello, I've got a few tips here.
   
   1) What's your word count? If below 600, try getting to at least that, and preferably more. I've found that articles with at least 1000 words tend to do much better in traffic.
   2) Caption your photos. While we're on the subject, the first image is rather vertical, requiring readers to scroll down a lot before reading even begins; I'd recommend cropping or changing it.
   3) As a fan of polls, adding a simple one like "Have you ever worked with orphans?" or such helps engage readers.
   4) As galleyofgrace mentioned, that id at the bottom should be removed.
   
   This article has more potential than most that ask for help, many of which are written by people who haven't mastered English. Just add a bit more content if needed, adjust the pictures, and feel free to ask us about anything else.

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3. 74

   Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years ago

   Thankyou so much. I did just as you said. Hopefully, it gets published.

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   DrMark1961posted 7 years ago

   Saaniya, if this does not pass QAP again after your changes it may be because of the photos. They might be considered promotional since they have that photographers symbol and phone number in the corner. If you need to change them, do you have other photos without the symbol? If not, can you crop the photos to remove the symbol? (I do not know if that is okay with the photographer.)
   Good luck with this.

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      Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, it did not pass the QAP. However, i have changed the photos and put up those without the symbol. Thank you so much, Hope it works.

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         DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

         I hope you get this passed to. And the next step is to get this and your other writing to the vertical (niche) sites. They stand a lot better chance of getting a good page rank from Google and you will have better traffic. If your writing stays on Hubpages it usually does not do well.

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            Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Oh alright. That would definitely be my next step. * Fingers Crossed*

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   theraggededgeposted 7 years ago

   Hi there,
   
   Personally, I would delete the comment from Miebakagh. The forum is the place for making such suggestions, not the hub itself. He has not addressed the content, merely suggested some edits and additions.
   
   You do not need to add video, polls, quizzes and suchlike. They are not necessary at all. Only add them if the hub content would benefit. In this case, it would not.
   
   In my opinion, adding all those 'extras' can make a quality article look cheap and tacky.

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      Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Okay, but do you think that comment would stand in the way of my article getting featured? Thanks a lot for the tips btw.

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         theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         No, probably not. But it doesn't enhance the article, and it also makes you appear inexperienced and unprofessional. Delete it

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            Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Alright, will do.

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   Kierstin Gunsbergposted 7 years ago

   Saniya, this is a really lovely piece and the original photos are wonderful. I think that you'll need to add more words to pass the quality assessment. It's always a good idea to aim for 1,000-1,200 words at a minimum. Some things that could help you reach this while still providing depth are to include lists with bullet points (maybe a list of the kids' favorite games, activities and songs). Another way to add more words here would be to have an intro that gives the reader more context into what your experience was - answer questions like, "What is my mission?", "Who am I reaching and why?"
   
   Plainly put, as an outside reader, a boring American mom with minimal perspective on Islam, the culture, etc. I need an intro where you teach me what I'm ignorant to so I have a better understanding of what the piece is about in context. Also, as I'm reading I'm really curious about the dishes you're naming - I want to know what's in them! Remember that your reader will likely be ignorant to most of what you talk about so spelling it out for them is okay and helps to keep that word count up.
   
   The other thing I would do is change the title (or make the current title a subtitle, because it is really sweet). It should be something that someone searching Google might look for like "Volunteering with Orphans in Pakistan" (I'm sorry if I got the location wrong).

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      Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much for all the help. I have brought the word count unto 760 words. And have tried to describe the dishes and the practices of Ramadan some more. Hope it helps.

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   Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years ago

   I did as you all suggested however it was still disapproved? Does it have something to do with the religious reference?

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      DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      No, HP is pretty open and publishes articles with references to many different religions. I am at a loss as to why it was not approved this time though. I just read it again after you made the changes suggested by Kiersten and it looks so much better.
      Did they send you an email giving you details about any things that need to be worked on?

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         Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         This is all they said.
         Heads up! It looks like your article is not cleared for publication because it did not pass the Quality Assessment Process (QAP).

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            DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Oh. That is not much help.
            Unless someone else chimes in and gives you another idea, I have two suggestions:
            1. Put this on the back burner for awhile. As Kiersten suggested, sometimes it helps to give it a few days. Maybe you can come back to it after you have written some more and find a way to improve it.
            2. Make it a "how to" article. This would take a little rewriting, or maybe just adding some more info at the end. I am wondering if they feel that your article does not address your title enough. If you include info on how to volunteer with orphans in Pakistan, maybe it would help. Be sure to leave the personal experience, but also add the names and contact info of organizations that accept volunteers to work in orphanages in Pakistan. Does the orphanage you helped out at accept foreigners to volunteer? If not, maybe just include details on how a reader could help by donating. (Like an email address, not a phone number or a map.)

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   Kierstin Gunsbergposted 7 years ago

   I don't think it has to do with the religious reference (that stuff is welcome as far as I know), but likely more to do with the obscurity of the subject and needing to round it out more for clueless readers to have a better understanding. I know editing for clueless readers can feel really tiresome and frustrating. Maybe take a couple of days away from it and come back with a fresh mind!

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      Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I had added a map of the location of the orphanage. I just removed it, maybe they find that spammy. However I will try to make it a little more reader friendly.

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   AliciaCposted 7 years ago

   I think Tess is right. I don't think the article will be accepted while you are suggesting that people use their credit card or PayPal account to part with their money and while you are providing a link to a donation form. A more general statement such as "Donations are appreciated" (without a link) might be accepted, though.
   
   I hope you get the article featured. You've shared important information.

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      Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I have removed the links, do you think I should remove the information about the two orphanages as well?

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         Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         But, Saaniya, I am afraid it is too much narrower to the audience. It deals with the orphanages at Pakistan and that too seems addressed to Islam believers only. Can't you make it a generalized article to include general aggrievances of all orphanages around the world and the need for helping to them in a general way?
         
         You can retain the activities partaken by you but add some more general awareness information regarding the world situations.
         
         Can't you edit the photos to be more appealing and horizontal instead of keeping them vertically of more height?
         
         And, a suitable author bio could be of much help. You can have different author bio for different hubs (total up to 25 bios). So make it appear nice with something like "interested in or experienced in social services, etc.". That would be fine for this particular article.
         
         Think over yourself regarding other ways of improving it so that people all over the world can identify with your topic. Wish you all the best.

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    DrMark1961posted 7 years ago

    I do not agree with Venkatachari´s advice about making this a worldwide article about orphanages. If you look on Google there are already a lot of those. I think your comments about ftor and your personal experiences in Pakistan is what makes it so special.
    It is really nice to see him and some others contributing comments to your thread though. If this does not pass now, why not just give it a break for a while? Try writing something else and see if you can come back to this later.
    Best of luck.

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       Saaniya Aamirposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you for understanding the purpose of the article. If it does not get passed this time, I will definitely give it a break for a while.

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       Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

       But, Mark, my Bro. It shouldn't  be about personal experience only. It should be appealed to a wider audience also. So that they can show interest in reading it. Most of them will not be like you and me. Even HP Team.

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          DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

          You are right that it should not be about personal experience only. That is why I suggested she add the part about how to help out orphanages in Pakistan. But if you try to appeal to everyone, sometimes you end up appealing to no one.

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