I'd like feedback on my article: The Astor Trial: Elder Abuse and The Fortune

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  1. powers41 profile image68
    powers41posted 2 weeks ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: The Astor Trial: Elder Abuse and The Fortune

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      Apologies in advance if this comes across as harsh, but there are several problems with the article.

      The first thing that you should do it put it into the right category. It does not belong in Relationship Problems and Advice - that is for couples and family topics. Your article is biographical.

      You need an introduction to explain to the reader what the article is about. In other words, who are these people and why do we want to read about them?

      You have used copyright photos. That is illegal and you could be asked for payment for unauthorised use. You cannot take photos from the web and republish them without permission. Instead look for those in the Public Domain - you'll find them on Wikimedia Commons. The first image, the book cover, is too small.

      There is nothing at all there about the trial itself. It's important that your title reflects the content and vice-versa. If you can't find any accounts of the trial, then perhaps this requires a rethink?

      The whole thing is rather cold and factual. You should aim to make your writing come alive. Make these people fascinating. There's no point reciting facts that are freely available on Wikipedia. Obviously, you can't make things up, but you could bring some more human interest into it. Research is key.

      The section on elder abuse shouldn't be there. Your focus should be the Astor family. If you want to write about elder abuse, then write another article. It's an important topic and shouldn't be shoe-horned into this.

      Good luck.

  2. powers41 profile image68
    powers41posted 2 weeks ago

    Thank you so much for your comments.  I will make the appropriate changes.  Again, thank you

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      And thank you for accepting the critique gracefully smile

      1. powers41 profile image68
        powers41posted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

        I truly do appreciate your comments.  I am striving to be worthy of submitting articles.  have work to do so again, thank you.

    2. DrMark1961 profile image97
      DrMark1961posted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      You do not need to unpublish to edit your work.

      1. powers41 profile image68
        powers41posted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

        Thank you for the 'heads up'.  I need to totally re-write the article.  I do appreciate your comment.

 
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