I'd like feedback on my article: How to Get Rid of Chapped Lips?

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   tammyfrostposted 3 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: How to Get Rid of Chapped Lips?

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2. 93

   AliciaCposted 3 years ago

   I'll share two things that struck me. First, WebMD says that Neosporin should be used only on the skin and that it shouldn't enter the mouth, which it's likely to do if it's on the lips. I think you need to consider safety aspects of the substance.
   
   The other thing that struck me is that since you've shared a photo, a link, and recommendations for dealing with chapped links from another website, there doesn't seem to be much point in including the information in your article. I know that writers sometimes use websites as references, but what you've done seems to go beyond that.
   
   I notice that the other site has references for their recommendations. These might be good sources to explore as you edit your article and enable you to include information that isn't on the other site.
   
   In addition, unless you have permission to use the photo, it shouldn't be in the article because it doesn't have the correct license.

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      tammyfrostposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, Alicia! You are usually correct on your advice. I will change some things.

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3. 91

   littlecat2013posted 3 years ago

   Hi there! Really good topic for an article. I have a few suggestions to help you. You say "several people" in the second sentence and that sounds like only several people in the world use these remedies. Maybe start off, "It's common for people to turn to lip balms..."
   
   I'd also recommend rewriting that first paragraph when talking about your friend. Maybe say something like "I have a very good friend who suffers from chapped lips that crack so badly they bleed. The following article discusses ways my friend has treated his cracked lips..." Or something like that. Maybe leave out the part where you say you thought he was crazy using the remedies you talk about because that might turn a reader off if you don't believe the remedies work in the introduction.
   
   In the section with the top 8 remedies list delete the sentence starting "I have listed the top 8 instead of the top 10...This is your list and if you only have 8 your audience would never know you were trying for 10 but combined similar ones unless you tell the audience that. It sounds more professional to just say this is the top 8 remedies based on your research with no apologies or pointing out flaws in your own work. Also rewrite the first sentence to that paragraph and delete top10homeremedies.com and instead at the end of the sentence put (Source) and hyperlink it with the webpage where you got your info. The way you wrote it, it sounds like you are just using someone elses list when you are the author using a source to come up with your own list. You are the expert on this topic so always write your sentences as if you are the one teaching the subject.
   
   The last suggestions I'd have is maybe add a poll asking if the reader has chapped lips or maybe a video from youtube or an amazon link to a particular product you recommend people use for chapped lips. It gives your article a little extra for the reader to interact with and pretties up the formating.

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      tammyfrostposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much for your help Littlecat2013. Your tips are so helpful.

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