I'd like feedback on my article: The Tongue of the Dog

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  1. BishamonSr profile image48
    BishamonSrposted 12 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: The Tongue of the Dog

    1. Miebakagh57 profile image69
      Miebakagh57posted 12 months agoin reply to this

      I've visited your article and here are my notes.                                       Your article relates to the security of a homestead. And so, you should give it that appropiate title.                       Essentially, the story looks like a blog post. You don't care giving it that magazine style look that's HubPages'?                                       Basically, your read had no sub-titles and a summary conclusion at the end.                                                    All that just said, visit the Learning Center by clicking "feed" settings on your timetine. Key in on the various subjects to fine tune your write.

    2. quotations profile image89
      quotationsposted 12 months agoin reply to this

      I think you could improve the article by making it more focused and making clear in the first paragraph what you are going to be talking about. If I had found your article based on your title I would have expected it to be about how you can tell a dog's health from its tongue, or why dogs hold their tongue in a certain way, or how their tongue can detect different tastes than we can, but instead it kind of wandered about describing the adventures of an amazon delivery driver. I stopped reading.

      But I did jump to the end and saw that there is an affiliate link for dog food. Unless you are reviewing the product that is not allowed and that in itself may be why you did not get approved. At the very least try taking that out and resubmit.

      But do try to tighten up the writing and make it clearer what the reader should expect if they read the whole thing.

      Also, try to add more relevant photos and at least one youtube video. Clearly state the source of  your photo and make sure that you have the legal right to use that picture.

      1. Miebakagh57 profile image69
        Miebakagh57posted 12 months agoin reply to this

        Bishamonsr, I think if you can't buy my thoughts, why don't you take quotation at his words? He's saying the same thing as I do but in a different words.                                      Hubpages is an American magazine style website. You must meet it's basic requirement. That's my drive.                                  Yes, I infer the introduction. But you've got to capture it in a "capsule" provide by HubPages. The body of the article with various sub-headings or subtitles that discuss briefly or in greater detail various subjects relating to the topic and the introduction.                                      You're yet to visit the Learnin Center. Stay there for at most 6 weeks. Then come back to re-write your stories. You'll be glad you did and then thank your stars.

  2. BishamonSr profile image48
    BishamonSrposted 12 months ago

    True. Thanks!

  3. BishamonSr profile image48
    BishamonSrposted 12 months ago

    However, I do make matters clear in the introduction. "As an Amazon delivery driver..."

    1. Miebakagh57 profile image69
      Miebakagh57posted 12 months agoin reply to this

      No. That's not an introduction.                                           As an Amazon salesman, I can't know what you've got to sell. You must tell me and the other customers in the introduction.                                      So the introduction will will sum up what you have to say in the body of the article. The introduction should be short and brief. Put it  as a subtitle.

  4. BishamonSr profile image48
    BishamonSrposted 12 months ago

    I really think my introduction hits home. It clearly tells you that it's about dogs in your way as you're delivering a package as an Amazon driver. I'm not clear on how you're not seeing it.

  5. theraggededge profile image97
    theraggededgeposted 12 months ago

    Hi there,

    My suggestions:

    Remember your readers will come via search engines. Therefore your title and content should provide the information they are looking for. That title is never going to fly. Something more descriptive like, "How to Deal With Aggressive Dogs When Delivering Parcels".

    Use your experience to advise others on how to do with similar situations. So keep your anecdote, but add in some more content. Here's an example: https://trainingunleashed.com/dogs/beha … gs-part-1/

    Try not to use wordy sentences. You need to do some cutting. For instance, your first sentence, "As an Amazon delivery driver, I face watchdogs every single day while approaching homeowners' homes." could be shortened to "As an Amazon delivery driver, I face dogs every single day." The fact that you approach homes is implicit in the statement that you are a delivery driver.

    Remove the current Amazon link and, instead, discuss in a whole paragraph how using that particular dog food helps you achieve your goal of delivering parcels. Highlight the product name, then click on the link icon. Select Amazon and your item should be there. Save.

    Use Grammarly and Hemingway to refine your writing. They are both free.

    Good luck.

  6. BishamonSr profile image48
    BishamonSrposted 12 months ago

    Thank you @theraggededge! The reason why my article didn't get featured was because of the title. You called it.

    1. theraggededge profile image97
      theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

      But now it reads like you are talking about the tongue of an angry house'. You have to get your adjectives in the correct order. And why 'tongue'? Surely people are more worried about teeth, growls, and snarls?

      Neither do you mention delivery drivers in the title.

      Not one single person is searching for that title. Use Answer The Public to check your key phrase and find out what they are looking for regarding this topic.

      Don't be attached to 'clever' titles. They won't earn you anything on HubPages.

      1. BishamonSr profile image48
        BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this

        Ok. Thank you. When you read the article all the way through, you'll realize why I named  it The Tongue of the Angry Watchdog. I'm just happy that it got featured at this point. I will definitely take your advice into consideration; I would love to earn thousands of dollars through Hubpages.

        1. theraggededge profile image97
          theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

          I have read it all the way through. Several times. It's not about *why* you used that title, it's about how that title will work to attract readers.

          I'm not sure why you don't understand that? The only people googling 'dog's tongue' are dog owners concerned about their dog's tongue.

          Here is an article from the Learning Center that explains why titles are important: https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … ndly-Title

          1. BishamonSr profile image48
            BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this

            Ok. Thank you. You're wonderful. In this piece,  I think I'm just more concerned with writing a mystery for my readers.

            1. theraggededge profile image97
              theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

              What readers? big_smile

              1. BishamonSr profile image48
                BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this

                I would think those who gravitate to my work and follows my style of writing are my readers. It's obvious that my writing is unique because I don't have many readers. Lol! So, I have to continue to chip away at my originality. In due time, my work will be revealed to a point where I have at least thousands of readers.

  7. Miebakagh57 profile image69
    Miebakagh57posted 12 months ago

    For those bent on following only their mindset, a miss is as good as a mile.

    1. theraggededge profile image97
      theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

      You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... and all that smile

      1. BishamonSr profile image48
        BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this

        Yes, but water has so many benefits for your health. I love your advice, I really do. I'm actually writing a new piece with you in mind.

        1. theraggededge profile image97
          theraggededgeposted 12 months agoin reply to this

          As do informative and relevant titles big_smile

          1. BishamonSr profile image48
            BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this
      2. Miebakagh57 profile image69
        Miebakagh57posted 12 months agoin reply to this

        Bev, you're welcome. And sometimes it doesn't help in helping others. This guy seems to be obstinate.

    2. BishamonSr profile image48
      BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this

      Actually, following your own mindset has many positives. Never count yourself out, my friend.

      1. Miebakagh57 profile image69
        Miebakagh57posted 12 months agoin reply to this

        Thank you. My mindset in writing is coupled with hubpages writing skills from the Learning Center.                               This is what quotation, Bev(theraggedge), and  me, were trying to get over to you.                                           With that just said, you're good to go alone.

        1. BishamonSr profile image48
          BishamonSrposted 12 months agoin reply to this

          Thank you. Your advice is appreciated.

 
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