First hub would love some feedback

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  1. GreyMoon profile image78
    GreyMoonposted 8 years ago

    Hi,
    Would like some feedback on my Hub. I am looking for ease of reading, making sense, layout etc, but all constructive comments on any aspect of it are more than welcome.
    Thanks GreyMoon

    http://hubpages.com/hub/UFO-The-Greates … -it-a-Hoax

    1. IntimatEvolution profile image82
      IntimatEvolutionposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I read it and left my advice in a comment.

      1. GreyMoon profile image78
        GreyMoonposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you for the input smile

    2. Tyrone Smalls profile image61
      Tyrone Smallsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      DO WHAT YOU DO !!! Stay tru 2 you, no one else and you will c yourself rise like bread with yeast and at least you will b happy!! (smile). LOL

      "Ylynd"

      1. GreyMoon profile image78
        GreyMoonposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks for the support Tyrone smile

  2. Lynda Gary profile image60
    Lynda Garyposted 8 years ago

    My first comment is this: It would be more convenient if you put a link to that hub in your post.  I found it, but had to go looking.  It's the internet, man.  We like to "simply click and go."

    You start your hub with a quote, "We lied about everything." It's not possible to know, though, if that means that the lie was about the existence of UFO's, or it the lie was about ... well, WHAT was the lie about?  I'd put in a contextual sentence before the quote, something like, "In reference to their earlier testimony concerning the existence of UFO's..." or "Having testified that UFO's do not exist, so and so later said..."

    This sentence needs a final verb: "We have to ask ourselves, is Jose Escamilla also?"  Also what?  Also lying? If so, say so.

    I would open the entire hub with the following (that you have a few paragraphs down):

    The Controversial Documentary
    "UFO-The Greatest Story Ever Denied Part II - Moon Rising"by Jose Escamilla is a documentary movie that focuses on his claim that the U.S. government has been deceiving the world regarding the presence of extraterrestrials on the moon. His film movie trailer also discusses the claim that the Apollo missions to the moon were faked.


    You said, "This information is not exclusive to his film."  I don't read his statement as "exclusive."  I read it to mean that the photos the person is looking at are the FIRST "true color" pics; not that he has an exclusive on them, just that this is what the first true pics look like.  See?

    If you are going to discuss the details of a pic, as you do, you need to post the pic or an easily accessible link to it.  YOu DO have a pic "A" posted below your text, but it isn't clear if this is the pic you refer to earlier. If it is, try using the arrow options on your photo app.  If you push the photo to the right, it will line up with the text to which it refers.

    There is an error in your poll.  You ask "do you believe Jose Escamilla's claims?"  For answers, you have, "Absolutely. His claim is a hoax."  or "No, I think he's on to something."  I think what you mean to have is this:

    "Absolutely.  I think he's on to something."  or
    "No.  His claim is a hoax."

    Truthfully, I did not "get" the point of your overall argument.  It either isnt there, or it's lost.  Perhaps I could go back, re-read, and figure it out -- but MOST readers won't do that. We're lucky if someone reads our material once.  To expect them to search for your point is asking too much.

    You obviously are passionate about this topic, so I recommend that you take the time to refine it.  It would be pretty good, otherwise.

    smile

    1. GreyMoon profile image78
      GreyMoonposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the reply Lynda,
      Made a few changes on your suggestions. smile

      1. brianzen profile image62
        brianzenposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        I really like how you write and would love to read any commentary you have on Whitley Streiber , author of communion, and like 6 others.

 
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