Second Run at Hub

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   Falsor Wingposted 15 years ago

   I made a hub using only a section of a novel as those who looked at my first hub all said it was too long and didn't really mention anything else. I am wondering if the forum can tell me whether or not this shorter excerpt has some chance of being read and all of the other things that are bound to be terrible with my new hubbage. Any help would be much appreciated.
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Modsoldiers-The … of-a-Novel
   
   P.S. a hypothetical parade will be thrown in honor of those who responded to my last noob thread.
   
   P.P.S. why does spellcheck still not recognize noob I thought the OED people wordified noob and 1337 as real person words.

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      darksideposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Not sure if your spellcheck is working.
      
      You've misspelled 'beginning' in your URL.

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         Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Got it covered, down the thread. I think OP is not happy with me.

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2. 98

   Rochelle Frankposted 15 years ago

   I skimmed some of it, since it is not a genre which attracts me, I did not do a lot of real reading.
   As one hint-- I would say lose the first paragraph (reminds me so much of 'It was a dark and stormy night".) It isn't usually a good  idea to start with a weather report-- cut to the action or the  unique scene.
   Sorry, I can't be of much help here.
   Good luck.

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3. 81

   Rafiniposted 15 years ago

   I read about a third of it.  It seems to be interesting, but is slow moving.  I'm new to writing stories myself, sorry I couldn't help more.  (just started writing my first book length in the past 6 weeks)

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4. 68

   drej2522posted 15 years ago

   hey there...It looks like you the beginnings of something solid, however, if I may ask...what are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to promote your book? Or have someone critique your book?

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      Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I'm looking mostly for critique, though if you're an editor who has fallen madly in love with it that would be cool too.

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5. 60

   tantrumposted 15 years ago

   First of all, delete the explanation  on why you're writing it this way. It doesn't look very pro.
   Then ,brake the paragraphs in  capsules and  alternate with pics or drawings from your PC or websites.
   
   About the writing, but this is a personal opinion, you linger too much on descriptions. Action is lost among all those words. You repeat too much' the man' beginning every paragraph.
   
   IMO

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      drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      nodnods...And actually, I don't know if I like the rhythm. Now, it looks like you possess some talent, but the flow seems almost staggered and distracting. Try to avoid adverbs and lighten the load on your adjectives.
      
      Like a professor once told me, "Be confident in your nouns and verbs. If you think they can't stand alone then use stronger words. Don't try to bail them out with those damned 'ly' words!"

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6. 67

   Faybe Bayposted 15 years ago

   Falsor Wing, If you like I will give you a couple of pointers to really make the whole thing pop. I have experience and actually turned my friend into a first class writer. Thing is I don't know if you are still here. Are you?

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      Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I am very still here. really I've never been so here in my life.

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         Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Okay, cut the first three paragraphs, don't scrap them, paste them somewhere. Start with "the man" etc. I know how hard it is to lose your words, but cutting those first three starts you where the reader has questions, what is this story about, why is the man letting himself drenched with rain?
         
         Beggining is spelled wrong, it's Beginning.

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            Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            i see

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      2. 67

         Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Next really read what you've written, the overcoat, try this:
         
         The filthy, tattered, and over-worn brown overcoat clung to the man's form; it did little to protect him from the elements but did much to indicate his status as homeless
         
         The filthy overcoat was practically useless against this weather, serving no other purpose than to identify him as homeless.
         
         Having done that look at each sentence and try to cut it in half, yet hold the same vision, I wrote my best stuff and then cut it in half three times before my writing teacher was happy with it.

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7. 68

   drej2522posted 15 years ago

   Chants, "Go Faybe, Go Faybe, Go Faybe Go!"

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8. 68

   drej2522posted 15 years ago

   She's right, Falsor! These days, it is hard to hold people's attention for very long. You need action, something to grab the reader right away.
   More often than not, we (as writers) try to set the mood and carry out the story in the beginning. We think to ourselves, "We need to set the plot in order for the reader to understand."...do away with that thought process. Get the reader's attention and explain later, filling in bits and pieces along the way.

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      Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Actually I want to be a proof reader and editor, but can't figure out how to get the job and get paid.

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         drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         You could always take a chance on a newbie! I think the best way is to get a degree and work for those fancy publishing companies.

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            Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Yeah, I don't have a degree. I wouldn't be able to charge a newbie. I have a grander scheme than that. I read about people who want ghost writers. I will look for someone that "needs help" because they don't know any better, but want to make a true splash.
            
            Novels are dead. All of the publishing houses are trying to put their costs on the writer.

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               Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               my poor beloved medium. oh well at least I'm not a poet

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               1. 67

                  Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  Don't be sad! I wrote an article elsewhere, trying to sell it. You inspired me to be... So I wrote about my writing teacher! She was brilliant. I wouldn't even be a writer if it wasn't for her, and they canned my story. no pay

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                     Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     who is they?

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                        Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        Seed.com
                        
                        You pick an article, write it and submit, if they buy it you get paid.

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               drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

               yeah...hateful it is...hateful

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                  Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                  But it doesn't have to be. Look at Julie and Julia. She got this blog going, then they approached her with the book deal, approached her with the movie deal. She's apprenticing to be a butcher now and wrote a second novel called "Cleaving"
                  
                  Not a joke, all true.

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                     drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                     hmm, they have an interesting story...I just read a mini-summary of their success...not too shabby!

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                        Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                        The movie is excellent! I own it YAY! Got it for Christmas, actually wouldn't even be here without it. My inspiration. I haven't set up my blog really, well I did, but lost it for two weeks!
                        
                        I started a new one, but I must go back to it, got sidetracked with the web site thing.

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   Falsor Wingposted 15 years ago

   I fixed the spelling error though the url is permanent. an editor I am not (this is a problem)
   
   btw Faybe OP is happy with everyone.

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      Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry. I thought I upset you with the post about novels being dead. I have news for you. My son found it actually.
      
      If you get a large following they will want to publish you. Look at this.
      
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruhpOtZvIfs

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      Faybe Bayposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Hey you had two! What happened to the other hub? You don't have to unpublish. The more hubs you publish the more juice you get!

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         Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I was convinced by another helpful hubber that posting an entire novel would get my ideas stolen. Yay, I wrote something that might be worth stealing.

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            Falsor Wingposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Has anyone else noticed that it's very easy to aliterate with the word hub? aliteration makes me happy.

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    lynnechandlerposted 15 years ago

    I think you need a site like fictionfactor.com to help you with this honestly. You are in the initial stages of writing a novel not article writing and that site is more conducive to what you are looking for in terms of writing novels. You can ask questions etc there to help gain knowledge to complete your novel. There is even a section where you can ask for critiques of your novel as it is in progress that is under lock and key (password protected) while you are working through it.

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