Go Britain

1. 59

   paradigmsearchposted 14 years ago

   Subject: British Humor
   
   The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
   
   The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
   
   The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
   
   The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that yapping dog.
   
   'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
   
   She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
   
   This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
   
   The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'
   
   An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

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2. 77

   WryLiltposted 14 years ago

   Haha. Hahaha. That's AWESOME! Sorry I so rarely see jokes that are 1. New to me and 2. Don't have an ending I can see coming.

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   1. 59

      paradigmsearchposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed, they are hard to find.

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3. 60

   Ohmaposted 14 years ago

   That is great!

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4. 59

   paradigmsearchposted 14 years ago

   Worth a bump.

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5. 70

   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   I've heard that joke before and it's always good for a laugh.  It reminded me of what recently happened to a JetBlue flight attendant.  He got into a fight with a passenger who got her stuff out of the overhead bin even though the plane wasn't completely parked at the gate.  He curse everyone out over the plane intercom, activated the chute, and threw out his own bag and slid after it.  I was thinking he should have thrown out that old bag who caused him trouble

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6. 59

   paradigmsearchposted 14 years ago

   The Bull & the Cow
   
   
   The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk.
   The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.
   
   They brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
   
   They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so
   they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
   
   They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the
   bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
   
   No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.
   
   The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was
   very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
   
   "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward, they said. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side.
   
   "The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking,
   
   "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales?"
   
   The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales.
   
   "You are truly a wise Vet," they said.
   
   "How did you know we got the cow from Wales?"
   
   The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wales"

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7. 61

   Joe Badtoeposted 14 years ago

   Man takes his German Shepherd dog to the Vet.
   
   Vet asks what the problem is
   
   Man says his dog seems have an infection in his left eye
   Vet lifts dog up to get a closer look and after a few minutes says 'I'm going to have to put the dog down'
   
   Man goes into sheer panic and with tears in his eyes says 'surely you can fix his eye the dog seems fine other than the problem with his eye why oh why do you have to put him down?'
   
   'Because he's too heavy for me' Says the Vet.

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8. 79

   Benjimesterposted 14 years ago

   Awesome.

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