Tracheostomy (Semi Medical) Hub

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   WryLiltposted 14 years ago

   http://hubpages.com/t/18ab2c
   
   Just looking for feedback on anything I should change about this hub. Not quite happy with it for some reason. Do you think it's too personal? Not personal enough? Should include more information in some part?
   
   Trying to help people who have a tracheostomy and are as confused and new to it as myself and my family were.
   
   Thank you for any feedback.

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      Kangaroo_Jaseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Wrylilt,
      
      Really hard to say or suggest any changes for you at this time. Already 'knowing' what one of these medical items were as I had a father who was, lets say a 'regular' at the hospital, and would routinely have a tracheostomy.
      
      I am not sure, maybe a caution before advising viewers to read further, some may find the information disturbing. Guess you will know once feedback starts to come.

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      1. 76

         WryLiltposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, will see how I go. I already have a warning on my bipolar hub but had thought this one wasn't too graphic. Although from what I've experienced I have a much higher graphic content level than some!

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            Kangaroo_Jaseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I do as well, can handle a fair bit of graphic, but Google, Ad sense, et al, entirely different story, as you well know.
            
            I write, not many, but a few articles that would consistently be deemed very graphic, but not on HP and not in any connection to any sites I have generating revenue.

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   EmpressFelicityposted 14 years ago

   I thought this was a really informative and well-written hub.
   
   I wonder if instead of jumping in at the deep end, so to speak, it might be better to move the first paragraph of your last section (the one that begins "I had a tracheostomy due to severe throat trauma at two and a half years of age" and ends with "enlarge the hole as I grew.") so that it becomes your introduction.  Then change the first "the tube" in that paragraph to "a tracheostomy tube".
   
   The advantage of doing this (IMO) is that it acts as more of a hook for your reader, because it instantly makes it plain that you're talking from personal experience. 
   
   Then change the title of the last section from "My experience with tracheostomy" to something like "Where am I now?"
   
   Only other things I would watch out for are to make sure that "breathe" has an "e" on the end when it's used as a verb.

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   1. 76

      WryLiltposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for the constructive feedback! Have implemented your ideas.

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         EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         you're welcome
         
         

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3. 70

   lrohnerposted 14 years ago

   Wow, Wrylilt. Just wow... I admire you even more now than I did 5 minutes ago. You have been through a LOT.
   
   Jumping in here, I agree with EF about moving the first paragraph, but you still need a good lede--just one sentence--that gets people hooked, and that sentence should be something personal.
   
   It also ends kind of abruptly. Perhaps some advice from personal experience to people who might be going through this? Link to some resources?

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   1. 76

      WryLiltposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Ok thank you for the feedback. Have added both some advice and some resources!
      
      ...And it doesn't seem like a lot unless you think about it all in one go.

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         sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         You have been very clinical and laid the facts bare, I was wondering if You could have added a little more on handling  the emotional trauma involved with the procedure.
         Having worked in the Neuro center for a while I have noticed that parents and children are extremely fearful of such procedures. Fear of  Infections, loss of voice are all constantly facing them.
         How  you coped with the extra attention, or inability to play like other children and the loss of childhood may serve as a base of knowledge for people facing similar situations.
         I think it is well written and would be helpful to people in similar situations.
         I am not an experienced  , but thought that this may add value to what you have written.

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            WryLiltposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks for the feedback Sofs, but unfortunately I can't. I was very young at the time I got the tracheostomy and following that, it was only a small part of the major issues in my life so I honestly can't think of anything to say from a personal handling viewpoint.

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4. 74

   SteveoMcposted 14 years ago

   Everything looks just fine to me.   I think it is compelling but at the same time clinical.   I wouldn't change it.

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