A burglar broke into a house one night He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot."
"Yep", the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you."
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, HUH!" Who in the world are you ?'
"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
The parrot replied,
"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler "Jesus".'
One dark stormy night a guy was lost in the wilderness and then fell off a cliff. about ten feet down the sheer face he managed to grab a thin root and hanging there swinging in the gale he started screaming for help. A voice from above said "let go my son and trust in me, I am your god". He thought about it for a second then screamed "Is anyone else up there!"
Two ladies were walking down by a pond. When they heard this little voice, " Hey down here! " The ladies saw a frog sitting there on the bank. The frog spoke " I am a baptist minister, if you kiss me, I will be freed from this body.
So one of the ladies picked up the frog and put it in her purse. The other lady said " Didn't you hear what he said, if you kiss him he will be freed."
The first lady said, " Yes but baptist preachers are a dime dozen, But a talking frog..."