Picked this one up from Face Book:
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.’
That is terrific and so great to find in my computer this morning. I'll have to pass it on to some of my coworkers.
We once had a pet pygmy goat that roamed our yard, and she was the best watchdog we've ever had. She wouldn't have intentionally harmed anybody, but those little horns were sharp when she butted, and the some of neighbors, thieves included, were terrified of her. (Mr. B witnessed her chasing one would-be thief out of the backyard.) Her name was Sarah (We didn't have an Abraham.)
That was hilarious Ms Lizzy! I burst out laughing when I read the last two words!
My face hurts from laughing. This is a terrific joke. Just what I needed
A light-hearted way to come onto Hub Pages. That certainly is an educated parrot! Can the dog tall too? (Ha! ha!)
I'll share a little joke that I created out of my dislike of bar codes on produce. It's partly based on true-life experience.
A lady gardener asked her abstract-thinking husband if he would please go out to check the zucchini in the garden, as she was very busy with a number of chores around the house.
"Certainly," he replied. He was gone for a reasonable amount of time and returned empty-handed.
"Well?" asked the wife. "Weren't any of the zucchini ready to pick?"
"I don't thing so," replied the husband, "I didn't see any bar codes." ***
Edit to my first response: Can the dog talk too? (NOT tall)
LOL--that's funny! Bar codes can be annoying, and seem to have replaced shelf-pricing in many cases. Makes it very difficult to comparison shop!
LOL! DzyMsLzy Funny joke... I am going to pass it on.... Thanks for the share....
by Tom Cornett 8 years ago
A burglar broke into a house one night He shined his flashlight around,looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."He nearly jumped out of his skin,clicked his flashlight off, and froze. ...
by And Drewson 8 years ago
Write your favorite jokes here.What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?Homeless.What do you call a fish with no eyes?A fssshhh.
by blueday18 5 years ago
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in...
by Eric Newland 7 years ago
Seriously, put that thing away.I'm sick of you waving it in my face all the time.How many more times are we going to do this?
by LewSethics 6 years ago
What is the funniest punchline?Years ago I was watching the MASH TV series and Hawkeye bursts out of a door and says to his friend: And then the Nun said " I didn't know you could do THAT with a duck!!!" You never got to hear the joke but the punch line was hilarious all by...
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