A Joke

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  1. DzyMsLizzy profile image86
    DzyMsLizzyposted 9 years ago

    Picked this one up from Face Book:

    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

    When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

    Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

    ‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
    ‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.’

    1. Brie Hoffman profile image56
      Brie Hoffmanposted 9 years agoin reply to this


    2. MizBejabbers profile image86
      MizBejabbersposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is terrific and so great to find in my computer this morning. I'll have to pass it on to some of my coworkers.
      We once had a pet pygmy goat that roamed our yard, and she was the best watchdog we've ever had. She wouldn't have intentionally harmed anybody, but those little horns were sharp when she butted, and the some of neighbors, thieves included, were terrified of her. (Mr. B witnessed her chasing one would-be thief out of the backyard.) Her name was Sarah (We didn't have an Abraham.)

    3. The Examiner-1 profile image62
      The Examiner-1posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That was hilarious Ms Lizzy! I burst out laughing when I read the last two words! big_smile

  2. vocalcoach profile image94
    vocalcoachposted 9 years ago

    Oh Lizzy,

    My face hurts from laughing. This is a terrific joke. Just what I needed smile

  3. Marie Flint profile image74
    Marie Flintposted 9 years ago

    A light-hearted way to come onto Hub Pages. That certainly is an educated parrot! Can the dog tall too? (Ha! ha!)

    I'll share a little joke that I created out of my dislike of bar codes on produce. It's partly based on true-life experience.

    A lady gardener asked her abstract-thinking husband if he would please go out to check the zucchini in the garden, as she was very busy with a number of chores around the house.

    "Certainly," he replied. He was gone for a reasonable amount of time and returned empty-handed.

    "Well?" asked the wife. "Weren't any of the zucchini ready to pick?"

    "I don't thing so," replied the husband, "I didn't see any bar codes." ***

    1. Marie Flint profile image74
      Marie Flintposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Edit to my first response: Can the dog talk too? (NOT tall)

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image86
      DzyMsLizzyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      LOL--that's funny!  Bar codes can be annoying, and seem to have replaced shelf-pricing in many cases.  Makes it very difficult to comparison shop!

  4. Gloriousconfusion profile image93
    Gloriousconfusionposted 9 years ago

    Very funny

  5. amiebutchko profile image71
    amiebutchkoposted 9 years ago

    Love it!  Thanks for the pick me up!

  6. LeslieAdrienne profile image73
    LeslieAdrienneposted 9 years ago

    LOL!  DzyMsLzy   Funny joke... I am going to pass it on.... Thanks for the share....

  7. tirelesstraveler profile image61
    tirelesstravelerposted 9 years ago

    Wonderful joke.  Thanks for sharing it with us.

  8. The Examiner-1 profile image62
    The Examiner-1posted 9 years ago

    I see that you found it again.

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image86
      DzyMsLizzyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, after some tutorials on how to find it....

      1. The Examiner-1 profile image62
        The Examiner-1posted 9 years agoin reply to this

        Congrats, it was a great joke! smile


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