i always find myself being screwed over by people I have been nice to and/or care about. Why? Why do people take advantage of kindness to the extent of manipulating someone and situations.
-i learned today that a man I worked with- stole $350.00+ from me (by claiming my work as his own).
-i am always amongst the individuals who goes without a paycheck- or receives only partial payments when company funds are tight. -Even though I have a mortgage-2 kids and bills to pay just like most of the world.
-I allow people in my personal life, to get away with lying to me/about me and manipulate situations... even if it hurts.
How do I stop allowing this to happen to me?
How do I demand to be shown respect and proper treatment?
I feel as if I am going to explode someday soon if this keeps happening, which I am sure it will...
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope for your sake, that you were able to resolve the situation legally to get back full credit for your work. Anyways, I wouldn't let this dawn on you though. Besides, not all people are selfish creeps and jerks. There's plenty of nice people out there.
I have to agree with most of Pandora's assessment, as the best thing you can do is try to adapt to each situation and move on. Just take every situation as a learning experience. Not everyone is always going to like you, but I wouldn't let it affect who you are. However, if you have one of those jobs like I do, where it's uber competitive, then I would probably advise to be only acquaintances from now on with the people you work with. Trust me, if your in sales like I am, then you tend to meet a lot of royal scumbags, as the nice guys typically don't last in the field im in. Heck, I'm surprised I even lasted this long, but I guess I'm just lucky, as I know I'm not that great of a salesman. lol. Anyways, I'm sorry again about what happened to you, and hope this doesn't cause you to become bitter about people in general. I know I used to think that too, and all it led to was more misery and pain down the road. You seem like a nice person, so I hope that you never have to go down that road.
Like you I have learned that being nice does not always pay. I have been told that "kindness is a weakness".. Because of all hurt and heartache I have suffered due to what I thought were friendships, I stay to myself now. I do not really trust anyone. How can I?
The man that stole the money that was actually yours will get his one way or another. You are not the first person he has done this too either.
Stay true to yourself and continue to be the nice person that you are. Better things will come your way.
I don't know. I think it's very likely the same as it ever was, and you just still have the advantage of being young enough to find it shocking.
So now you know. Don't go bitter over it though, cuz that only hurts you.
And it's not true, of course, not everyone is like that. I would say most people aren't like that. I'd also say it's natural that as a young, innocent looking and no doubt sweet girl you probably attract more than your fair share. You'll learn to recognize them, if you're smart, but it can still be surprising.
But all you can do is recognize them, and adapt and avoid. Don't bother hating, they're more pitiful than evil.
You can't change them, or beat them, or reveal them or anything else. You can only pity them but protect yourself and move on.
Try working for popular corporate company and you'll find almost every type of negative emotion in co-workers. It's really hard to find some good people in such environment. Only way to avoiding them is to not getting into such places to begin with and you know it's not always possible. One thing you can do is create positive environment around yourself and don't allow such leeches to get into your personal life. I'm sure now you can easily spot such people, just don't let them get into your life.
"How do I stop allowing this to happen to me?"
How do I demand to be shown respect and proper treatment?"
No, no, no. Yeh I know that's what everybody says, but I kind of disagree. My personal opinion is that if you want to keep this from happening to you, then you need to avoid forming relationships with such people. You can't change them.
Let me repeat that: YOU CAN'T CHANGE OR CONTROL ANYONE ELSE!!!!
Second part of the question - "How do I demand to be shown respect and proper treatment?"
Let me repeat that: YOU CAN'T CHANGE OR CONTROL ANYONE ELSE!!!
I know the typical answer is that if you refuse such treatment then others will suddenly lose their evil ways in dealing with you, but I don't see the point.
If someone is going to treat me bad, then good, I'm glad I learned that about their character. They go on my avoid list and that's it.
That's IT. I don't want them to stop because I don't appreciate it, I simply want nothing further to do with them. They're bad eggs, and - YOU CAN'T CHANGE OR CONTROL ANYONE ELSE!
You can only go through life doing the best you know how to at any given moment. If you need to worry about what other people are going to do, then that's too much for any one person.
Of course, I'm speaking of no wriggle room, and that's not realistic. Sometimes, some people are worth the effort. And sometimes we really are in the wrong.
Either way, worry about yourself. At the end of every disheartening encounter ask yourself, did I do bad? If so, then you'll learn and correct the error going forward. If not, then be at peace with yourself and let it go.
And the others have great points about the work environment. It's hard to avoid people you work with every day. Gotta get a little tiny bit two-faced, in a way. But it's not really two-faced if you're not trashing them behind their backs. It's just you being kind, understanding and gracious, even though you know they can be huge dishonest, opportunistic jerks.
Good luck with that. Pretending to like -and respect- people you really don't is one of the great accomplishments of this world.
thanks for the advice...
but do have a question... are some of us just easy targets? meaning- is there anything I can change about me to stop this. Or is it just having gutz enough to say...No. Or should I roll with the punches and just know that they are jerks?
Well the only thing I can think of to tell you is to be more assertive when your at work. Now, I don't mean you have to be all ballsy and act tough, but you can try to work on not allowing others to push you around by being more assertive about things. Like if you know how to get something done at work better than anyone else, or you have an idea, then don't keep it to yourself and do something about it.
Another thing you can do is try to act confident about yourself, as some people tend to take advantage of those they feel are weak and can be easily manipulated. Not saying you are, but I met people like that before and if you come off as being too apologetic or nice, then they will try to take advantage of you at the first chance. Not trying to scare you, but I'm just saying. That's why it's important your assertive at work, and try to be confident about yourself. Never be too apologetic in front of your coworkers, as some might try to use that against you. Another thing you can do is never tell anyone at your work more than they need to know right away. If they ask you questions about your life, then just be vague, as it's really none of their business anyway. however, once you've known them for a while after working with them for like say six months to a year or so, and you feel like you can trust them, then you can open up to them. However, if they come off too pushy and manipulative when you first meet them, then I'd probably keep them on a need to know basis if you know what i mean. Anyways, i hope that helps.
Yes. That is because we never learned to manipulate others for time-pass or just for the sake of it. Those who learn to do it early in life can do this to others in almost any situation.
Immediately ? No. Right now your mind is in defensive mode and it's searching for ways to protect yourself from such situation. Don't plan changing yourself when you don't know how to protect yourself from such leeches. Stay who you are and don't become someone who you're not from inside. Just learn the patterns of these people and teach your brain -how to work around with such goblins.
Those who take advantage of others don't stick to single person and they hop from one to another. You just have to spot these people and remember their timing and method of approach. The next time if you find these people come to you then you need to repel them without getting into argument or clashes. One important point- stop thinking about those people all the time. Such people will keep on draining your thinking cells if you put your mind onto them. Remember, out of sight is out of mind.
I like to believe that people are inherently good and moral.
I give everyone a chance at first impressions irrespective of what I am told from others. Making up my own mind establishes my own reasoning if i decide to distrust.
Sure I have been burnt a few times over the years, but in most cases, others were wrong and had their own agenda.
So, I believe there are some honest people left in this world, but in order to find them, unfortunately you have to meet a few selfish people in your life. The bonus is freedom to choose your friends.
You guys make some good points about work environments and I agree, got to be very weary of personal agendas.
Oh you've gotta learn to say no. In my opinion. But then again, people think I'm a bitch, so...
Don't listen to me.
No, people will walk all over you if you let them. But it's no excuse. That doesn't mean you blame yourself, and it doesn't mean it's okay since you let them, and it doesn't mean that if you demand their respect they'll give it.
Yes. Don't take offense, but when you're young people do see you as less-experienced and an easier target. Toughen up some, cast some dirty looks about, learn to say "F*** No" and you'll get more respect.
But at what price? Why must you become a shrew to get other people to treat you well. It's all very tricky. You have to learn to 'get along well' with others, while still maintaining your personal integrity and protecting your personal interests.
It is difficult. Maybe this will help a little.
I know a family wherein the mother was a single mother who was rather opportunistic because in her opinion she had to be in order to survive and provide for her family. Her two children also show similar behaviors, if somewhat less.
It's not like they wanted to be that way. It's not like they mean to be that way. Often they don't even see it as anything wrong.
So you always gotta keep it in mind that you don't know what made them that way. Whatever it was, be glad it didn't happen to you, and pity them. Pitying them and understanding if even just a little bit where they come from helps make pretending to like and respect them a bit less hard to swallow. Treating people with respect is not the same as truly respecting them. You can do the one, even when the other just isn't possible.
But don't let them take advantage of you. So the answer is both, I'd say. Learn to say no, most definitely, whenever no is the answer you truly wish to give. But also just know that all of us are capable of jerkiness, so show compassion and understanding and just roll with the figurative punches -the figurative ones only- when possible.
Just keep these kind of people out of your personal life. They can exasperate, frustrate and disgust you, but as long as you can walk away from them at the end of the day, you'll be okay.
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