Any critiques?

  1. flightofdestiny profile image60
    flightofdestinyposted 6 years ago

    I have posted this story on here before but I have changed some things since then and am wondering if it's any better. Any critiques would be greatly appreciated. This is the first part of four short stories that are on my page. If anyone would be willing to read the whole series, I would greatly appreciate a critique of the story as a whole.