Hi, girls. Having trouble with your husband? Send him to me! For a small fee, I can fix your problem. I was able to turn a womaninizing, hard-drinking, self-centered partier into the perfect husband. I can do it for you, too! For a nominal fee and a short stay at the Holle Abee Husband Training Camp, your spouse will return to you a changed man. In the rare event that he's un-trainable, castration might be the only option. Either way, he'll certainly be a changed man!
I think I mentioned this before, but I have a framed picture of her on our nightstand. It's been mentioned (in completely non-threatening terms) to the new husband that I have both legal and medical skills.... and a completely blank criminal history.
Hell habee, if you teach southern cooking I'll be right there. With my particular preferences, I could conceivably fall under the "husband" label someday (not likely but possible)... and I don't have to worry about the punishment for failing the course.