looking for some constructive criticism

1. 77

   NicholeRLoviposted 12 years ago

   I am new to hubing and new to writing in general lol:) I am a just decided one day I needed to find something that I liked to do other than caring for kids. So writing has just stuck.I just want your opinions about everything how I am doing with my writing and what you think.

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   1. 67

      pinto2011posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think you are going great and with every new posting I hope you will produce more polished ones and definetly be the one with imaginative bend and open new arena of thoughts which will eventually cling everyone to your articles. Please have an overview of my articles also, I am also new to it and just out of sheer expressiveness.

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   2. 87

      kschangposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Was reading the kids and sports hub (didn't feel qualified to comment on the magic mirror one)
      
      The introduction needs a little work. There's no... "hook". Generally, these "personal experience" hubs have a cute anecdote or story as the lead-in.
      
      The organization also feels a bit disjointed. Some of the paragraphs don't seem to contribute to the overall theme: sports is good for your kids. Shouldn't these points be in a particular order?
      
      There's also a bit of rough transition from paragraph to paragraph. For example, in the second paragraph, you ended with "chasing my youngest", then in the third paragraph, you jumped to "sports helps fitness". Is it helping YOUR fitness, your youngest's fitness, or helping fitness in general? There's no transition. It's a "flash cut". It's jarring.
      
      There also isn't much of a conclusion.
      
      The whole thing felt like more of a "stream of consciousness" type writing where you just wrote whatever came to mind. it just needs a bit more polish, expansion, and reorganization  to be a lot better.

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      1. 77

         NicholeRLoviposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you so much for your feedback. I will go work on it a little more. Should I change the title? What would you suggest? Maybe....What kind of benefit to kids sports have for the parents: A mothers humorous view? or Parents and kids sports don't mix. The other catch like I used was I am one of them mom's, maybe I should explain that a little more. I would love it if you would look at a couple of my other ones to see what you think. Thanks again your time is greatly appreciated:)

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