Need critique

  1. Browneesorchids profile image69
    Browneesorchidsposted 6 years ago

    Hello, it is my pleasure to introduce a short novel in the process. I have been dabbling with writing other than poems and children's stories, which are my favorite lit to write up. Read my first 580-600 words I have so far. Will be working on this novel until it's complete. I have copywritten my progress in work and am with LuLu, so I can self publish it in hardcover, paperback, and/or eBook. What do you think? … las-Beauty

  2. Dame Scribe profile image61
    Dame Scribeposted 6 years ago

    Hello Browneesorchids smile welcome to HP. I am not sure writing a novel online will for all to see, free, will pay for itself, once published to physical form. hmm I noticed a lot of 'she' and there was a 'he' which threw me off in 2nd paragraph, leaving me wondering where's this new character? Over all, it seemed to go all over the place ,leaving me to wonder, where is this going? Your writing is good but needs focus and answer, where are you leading your audience? also, write out the number rather than use 'I', it threw me off again and use 'conversational' talk, in a conversation with the character. Again, I wasn't sure why the ending sounded off. Just some  thoughts smile