Interview with Martian

Unbelievable? You're right! I can hardly believe it myself. An interview with a genuine Martian! Here is how it all came about. You already know about my uncanny gift of interviewing long dead celebrities like Genghis Khan and Bruce Lee.

And weird animals like the proboscis monkey and Hippolyte the Hippopotamus. And psychic vegetables. And farm animals. And the world’s oldest caveman, etc., etc.

I was sitting on a bench in the mall waiting for a friend to join me for lunch, and jotting notes on my iPad. I looked up as a stranger joined me on the bench.

It was a fellow you would probably not look at twice. So I didn’t. But then he spoke to me. Here is the gist of our conversation as I remember it:

Stranger – Hot outside, isn’t it?

me – (nodding) Mmmmmm. (trying not to encourage further conversation)

Stranger – Just landed. I came down to warm up.

me – (thinking – it’s 90 degrees outside and he wants to warm up? Now I’m intrigued and have to talk with him.)

You just landed? Where are you from?

Stranger – Sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Bob and I’m from Mars.

me – (trying not to laugh because now I just have to hear his story). Nice to meet you. You just arrived from Mars, you say?

Bob – Yes, and it’s cool there this summer so I chose Miami for a vacation to warm up.

me – (trying very hard to keep a straight face) I always thought it was too cold and there was too little oxygen where you come from for anyone to survive.

Bob – Oh, it’s cold all right but we have managed to survive. I’m not the first visitor, you know. Have you heard of BO?

me – Bo? Do you mean President Obama’s dog?

Bob – No, BO, Mr. Barack Obama himself.

me – (thinking to myself – I knew Obama was from another planet)

I don’t want to offend you, Bob, but you don’t look anything like a person from Mars to me.

Bob – I suppose you were expecting a little green man, with a large misshapen, pointed bald head, no outer clothing and very large almost translucent eyes.

me – As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I had pictured. How did you know?

Bob – I’m a fan of movies about outer space. My all-time favorite film is “The Blob.”

me – Me, too. That’s the movie with a young Steve McQueen. How do you know of it?

Bob – I used to subscribe to NetFlix but the shipping charges became too astronomical (chuckles).

me – Can we talk a little about Obama? Was he a community organizer where you come from?

Bob – He was a hum-donger. He would organize just about anything that moved.

me – I think you meant to say, hum-dinger.

Bob – Right. BO has what we in Mars call the gift of gab. What some might call a silver tongue.

me – That’s true. He knows how to promise hope and change – especially change. We have had change for sure. Do you know that our national debt has increased by five trillion dollars while he has been in office?

Bob – We heard that even in Mars. We also heard about all that fuss over his birth certificate. I guess he didn’t want folks to know where he was really from.

me – I think your guess is on the money, Bob.

Bob – What money?

me – Never mind, it’s just a saying. What other work did Obama do in Mars?

Bob – He tried to keep the books for our company but always had trouble staying within a budget.

me – Some things never change.

Bob – Which things.

me – It’s just a saying. Why did he decide to run for president?

Bob – He had to leave Mars. Folks got wise to his lack of business experience. He thought that spending more and more money would fix everything.

me – Why have you left Mars, Bob? Are you just here on a vacation?

Bob – I only have two weeks to visit and then I have to go back.

me – How do you travel, if you don’t mind my asking?

Bob – By my credit card (laughs).

me – Speaking of credit, Bob, how do you earn a living?

Bob – I work at the third largest privately held company in the United States

me – Which is … ?

Bob – I thought I told you. Mars! I'm from Mars - the Mars Chocolate factory in Pennsylvania.

me – (with egg on my face) OMG! OMG! That Mars!

Fortunately for me, my friend showed up at that moment and I bid Bob from Mars farewell before I made a further fallacious fool of myself.

Moral: Engage brain before starting mouth.

M&M Morsels: • M&Ms were invented in 1940 • Originally produced as high-energy field snack for U.S. soldiers because they melt in your mouth, not in your hand • 240 million M&Ms are produced daily • They are named after inventors, Forrest Mars and Bruce Murries.

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Includes valuable information for older workers, and how to negotiate salary successfully.