what causes people to grow but as bullies? And feel like they are better than ev

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   Lifeallstar1posted 15 years ago

   what causes people to grow but as bullies? And feel like they are better than everyone else?
   
   Is it that they were abused? I hear of bully kids but not so much as adults but there are a lot of crazy adults that bully people. For instance, domestic violence... Some even feel self entitlement, like they are better than everyone else. over achievers?

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2. 74

   Nick Bposted 15 years ago

   It's not always a given that they were abused and it doesn't always go away when the person matures either.
   
   I think it's because they can in a lot of cases. They get away with it once and decide that they like having people do what they say. I fear the enjoyment of having people either at their beck and call or scared of them is intoxicating.
   
   I don't think it's down to over-achieving either. Some bullies at my old school were not nearly as bright as some of the kids they picked on.
   
   In later life it's not referred to as bullying, as I feel that bullying is something that it felt, should be grown out of, however, it's pretty much the same thing.

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3. 83

   wychicposted 15 years ago

   Unfortunately, bullying is much more prevalent in adults than might first meet the eye. As children, there's only so much a bully can do, but as they get older they learn to hide it and fine-tune it, and even the nicest people can turn into bullies. In relationships, these are psychologically abusive people, and they will generally only affect their spouse and/or children. I was married to one such male (I tend to reserve "man" for those who deserve it) who did everything he could to exert control and to drive away anyone he thought would stand up for me. Now that we're divorced, he will still get up in my face and be rude and pushy when we trade off my son for visitation if I bring a small female friend, yet gets a panicked look on his face and doesn't say a word if I bring any male...including a rather wiry friend of mine who's half his size. Not to say it's all men, there are plenty of female bullies too, though fewer are able to get away with it due to physical size differences. I'd say it mostly comes from a feeling of entitlement, and not being corrected early for lording it over people weaker than themselves. In some cases, though far fewer, it's someone who has been bullied and now wants to return the favor. This comes to mind as very applicable on the subject: http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-Does-He-Do- … ook-Review

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   Lifeallstar1posted 15 years ago

   Thanks Nick B, I see your point that makes a lot of sense. Thank you for your insight. It's interesting how each person can think a little different. No one is right or wrong on their view of why this happens. I suppose it depend on what is really going on with that particular person to make them act out.
   
   Wychic, your view reminds me of my mother and fathers relationship. He for whatever reason ended up feeling some self entitlement, almost like ownership over the other person that the only way to get away from it, is to physically leave. I'm sorry you have to experience that. I wish you easier times and that he realizes acting that way will not get him anywhere in relationships if he keeps it up. Thank you for sharing that, and I will definitely check out your link. It has to do with the topic and I'm curious to find out why and if you do not now then possibly how it made you feel. It sounds like it's about him. It's true for all men reading that what you say about women is very true as well. It can be either sex. It just reminds me of how my dad would act around my mom then super nice if certain people were around.
   
   Thanks to both of you and wychic, if you see this, I just want you to know that I did not give you a vote down. Not sure why or who did that. You stayed on topic, with even the link since I am very interested in reading it. Nick, thank you too. I gave you guys both a vote up but just wanted to make it clear I did not vote down wychic. I hate to see that when it's uncalled for. I appreciate the replies very much!!

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   Goodpalposted 15 years ago

   Every bully has a scared-child inside. His bully-ness is just a protective mechanism of his vulnerable self.

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6. 77

   H.C Porterposted 15 years ago

   Being told that they are worthless and not good enough causes a person to bully. Being a bully doesn’t mean that someone believes that they are better. In fact-it can mean the opposite-they can feel as if they are less, which causes jealousy, feelings of intimidation, fear and anxiety which then transforms into violence or abusive destructive behavior...which they then act out their pain and confusion onto someone whom they perceive as an individual they can overpower with intimidation. Somewhere inside they are looking for A way to make themselves feel better and the way that they chose to do this is to make another feel inferior (just as they do)...What's the word for this??? I think it is called transference...

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