Hi Dean, came here off your suicide page. i am really thinking of it seriously.
I dunno but maybe i should try what you say. wish you could spell out in a little detail how you 'willed' yourself to enjoying yourself. i just turned 28 and the last 12 years have been shit. I am not sure i can take this any longer.
I understand how you feel. I felt that way most of my life. I had to find a way to do soul searching, read the book The Secret, and turned myself into a positive thinker.
I was NOT easy. It takes a lot of practice and some good support.
When you have a negitive though, stop it right there! Change to a positive thought. this was hard for me at first. it took at least the first week to quit crying and thinking stupid it was. But finally I started to regain control.
Also, you have to realize it is ok to forgive yourself, forgive others and be happy. Most of the time a depressive is not happy, because they feel they are taking away from the problem if they are. Not true.
The ONLY one unhappy is you. no one else is affected. I know this sounds cold, but you have the right to be as happy as you want and do not worry about what others say.
If you try to help someone and they are rotten, forget their opinion and just remember YOU did the right thing.
Please, before you make a final decision, get on medication, change the negitive thoughts and find positive even if it is only to look at the blue in the sky and not think of anything else.
You will still have bad days, but they will be less and less as time goes on.
Let me know it this helps. I will be happy to be a mentor and guide.
I spent most of my childhood and adulthood thinking of suicide.
Now life is fine for me.
You can only hope for a better tomorrow if you are still living. That's what gets me through each day when life is beating me down.
I don't believe in God, and I don't believe in an afterlife of eternal punishment or reward, but the taste of chocolate chips cookies warm out of the oven is pretty awesome. There are no chocolate chip cookies when you are dead.
If you are dead, you will never feel love again, you will never eat a pizza or laugh at a joke. You won't be able to take hot showers, or swim, or stretch beneath cool sheets.
You can't yawn when you are dead, or listen for your echo in a stairway. You can't bounce balls or peel a banana or eat grapes. You can't touch the naked skin of another human being.
You can only do these things while you are living.
You will die soon enough, and lose all of those things. We all will. But don't be in a hurry to lose them. As far as you know, there is no life but this one. Enjoy it while you can.
I had a dark time in my life as well but I have always been a person of possibilities. I made it through thinking about those possibilities and how they would all disappear if I ended it. How can you make you life what you want it to be if you give up? it is work yes, but worth it.
You are much stronger than you think you are. You only need to clear your mind and just look inside yourself - how wonderful you are. BAD things happen to good people. So what? You are an important part of the creation. Don't let any one devalue you. Get the jerk off your back.
I know how intense and pervasive the pain is that you Cary.It wears you down and you become desperate to stop it.The thought creeps into your head that dieing is the only way.STOP trieng to Avoid the pain!If you can calm your self enough to face it and try to understand it,it will lose a little of it's power,I promise you.The first thing you Must understand is,regardless of how bad or worthless or being a failure you think you are,Those things have nothing to do with the child that still lives within you.That child dose NOT deserve to DIE!...So hear is my advice.You are responsible for the health,happiness,and well being of Your Inner Child.FIND the child you WERE.Look Inside your self.The child IS There.I guarantee you.I found that the abuse I dealt to my inner child through denigrating my self was the ROOT of my depression,and I bet yours is to.Treat your self with the same courtesy kindness and respect that you would a Complete stranger.There is no magic word or revelation or quick fix that pulls us out of the abis I'm sorry to say.The road is long and difficult but anything worth doing is worth working for.Please endure the pain for the sake of the innocent child within you.That child deserves to live.I am asking you to Sacrifice your self for the sake of that child....because You Are That Child!
Appreciate your good points even if they seem silly to you,it makes the child happy....and that child comes Before you!
So Buck Up!Get a sense of MISSION to find,save and love the bright eyed kid you were!....cause Even if you have to hurt...your child comes First.
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