How do you really know when it's time to say goodbye? Seriously.....

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   donotfearposted 12 years ago

   What's the bottom line on it.....
   
   When ya lose interest in each other entirely?
   When it all becomes routine?
   When you are happy to have the house to yourself?
   When you passive aggressively drop his/her keys in the trash with the paper cup?
   When sex becomes a chore?
   When one or the other doesn't greet the you when they come in from work?
   When one or the other doesn't leave the porch light on for you?
   When your voice shows one ounce of defensiveness, the other flies off the handle?
   When you grasp at a few crumbs of affection?   
   
   So, ponder that for a while and feel free to respond and chime in to this public service.

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      robilynposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Truly, everything you had mentioned can be changed and worked on if you truly love someone and that someone loves you back. From my own experience, I believe it is over when all pride, respect and consideration is gone. If arguments contain hateful words in which you use to purposely hurt the other.. or if you'd sink so low to accept being treated like a dog.. it's over. All respect is gone. Respect is earned as is trust. Disrespectful behavior is the beginning signs of a hate-filled heart. If you stay in a situation like that, it won't be long before you grow a hatred for that person. With all of my heart, I tried to make my marriage work. When the other person does not want to work just as hard to gain that love back, it will soon end. You should always give what you expect in return.. and it should be equallly done. It only takes one link to break the chain. If you feel there is nothing left to gain, and all hope is gone, it's time to move on and make some of the most difficult decisions of your life.

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         donotfearposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Beautifully said!!!  And so giving......I totally agree with what you say about ...always giving what you expect in return......
         
         Very good advice, it should help many many people.

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2. 0

   ahorsebackposted 12 years ago

   Once long ago I asked a friend ...."When is it time "? He replied , "you will know ...you will know". It just happens!....:-}

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3. 64

   PaulaHenry1posted 12 years ago

   "you will know"...that is so true. It is something from w/in that tells you it is time to walk away. The 'in love' has passed and become 'love' or 'caring about' the other person. When you are happy they are staying late at work, dread the thought of alone time, find yourself attracted to others and not feeling guilty, it is time to go. Love is not an obligation, it should never feel as if it is...

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      Lisa HWposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with those who say that you just know.  Someone can wonder for years, always thinking things are bad and yet hoping they'll get better (or else they aren't as bad as they seem).  Then, just one day it can hit a person that the whole things is dead - just the way anything that was once alive become 100% dead.  There are no questions or uncertainties.  It's just obvious that it's dead and not coming back to even partially being alive.
      
      I think all those things in the list the OP posted are just isolated "issues", maybe even signs or alarm bells.  They aren't, though, the thing that "pronouces" the relationship dead.  Someone's heart is.
      
      If the heart is speaking loudly enough, this may work for some people in doubt:  Imagine (assuming one's mother and father were normal and loving parents) if your parents could see what's going on, and how you're feeling and/or be made to feel.  Then ask if they'd be happy to see what they did, or if they'd be heartbroken.  Sometimes that can serve as a reminder to the heart to make its voice known a little more than it sometimes does.

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   Cagsilposted 12 years ago

   In this particular thread, I've only one response that fits the bill, per se.
   
   Listen to your heart. Then you'll know.

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      Kiss andTalesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I read that the heart is treachous who can know it ! yes a heart can fool you thinking somthing is right when actualy it is wrong for us! can we say a surgeon or doctor works by the heart, no they act from there hard work of skill and education on there field allowing them to use there skills to the best of there ability! trial and error have taught people  after the fact! but why let youself go down that road when there are red flags and warning signs! when its time to go! ,go ! because you have the facts, your past ads up to proof ,that this relationship is not the right one! and dont be like some who jump out the pot ,to jump in the kettle, heal first !and then go forward!

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5. 0

   mymedicinexposted 12 years ago

   My old relationship lasted three years.  It was nothing but an emotional roller-coaster.  We got bored constantly with one another, argued with one another and stayed together simply because we were so accustomed to being with another.
   
   He was an awful boyfriend... he was lying to be every day about something new (not an exaggeration), being manipulative, and verbally/emotionally abusive.
   
   I finally decided it was time to say goodbye when I realized not only that he didn't respect me anymore, but by putting up with what he was doing --- I didn't respect myself.

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   ahorsebackposted 12 years ago

   One small bit of what is within these posts that needs clarification. Committment ! All the "indicators" in the world are only as good as the committing of Two hearts, two minds , and knowing the meaning of this one word.  Are you???  Or aren't you ?  One cannot save anything that both are not commited to. All tooo many base everything on sex, or emotional attention , or friends....Its all about TWO people committing to saving one relationship ! THAT !,is the most important factor of any relationship.

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      Lisa HWposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      ..ahorseback, I think it's worth adding the other question about whether both people are committed to making things work the way they should in the relationship; and that is, whether the other person is as well. Sometimes the other person is committed to not ending the relationship, but not committed to doing what is required to make it a healthy one for both parties.

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   gracenotesposted 12 years ago

   Yes, indeed, you just know when it's time.
   
   First there's the "beginning of the end" stage.  That might last a few months, or a few years.
   
   You know when it's time because you have accumulated as much information as you will ever need to make a decision.  Of course, most people do not come to this stage in the game without agonizing thought.
   
   I also believe that there's an optimal time to make a decision.  And also, that it's possible to delay it so long that you are incapable of any action.  I know one existing marriage that fits that description.  Perhaps for them, in the end, the unknown was much more frightening to contemplate than staying together was.  They were separated several times.
   
   For me, I had no doubt that I would do extremely well being alone, because I had spent the majority of my life living that way.  It was easier for me.

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      Tulips-smithposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Even though me and my ex are over now we went through exactly the same as you but I tell you something If there is any part of you that really loves this person don't say goodbye to them.
      
      Take some time to yourself.  Go to counselling If it will help.  When you find your about to argue with your partner or her with you take a breath and stop yourself.
      
      I wish I had done this with my ex sooner cause now whatever happens with us happens but just don't let someone gp without trying to fix what's right cause it is never to late to change anything trust me.

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   Midnight Oilposted 12 years ago

   You know when its time to say goodbye in your heart, but do you have the courage to do it.  It may take years before you final give in to your true feelings.

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      Tulips-smithposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I just think why say good bye to someone If feelings are still there? Why not work through those feelings?
      
      May be I'm quite old fashioned to think this way but however that's just my opinion.  That one should only walk away when you truly stop loving your partner

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