What is YOUR OPINION of parents who DECIDE their children's career, lifestyle,
political affiliation, & even what beliefs h/she should have? What do YOU feel about parents who PUSH their children to be HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL?
To quote Dr. Jordan Peterson, clean your room before you try to fix the world. That said, maintaining boundaries for your child while in your house is PART of cleaning up your life and preventing a mess in theirs.
Too many people try to micromanage others to distract from or offset the chaos in their own lives. Trying to plan out every detail of someone else's life whether helicopter parenting 5 year olds or babysitting a 25 year old at a job interview is going to set up the child for failure.
Parents are right to lock a teenager in who wants to hang out with a drunken 16 year old, refuse to pay for a useless degree, tell a child you aren't going to engage in these activities that put you at literal risk. In fact, it is their obligation if they want to be good parents.
Parents have the right to teach their values to their children, whether political, religious or other. And it is my right to tell them the rules required of living in my home, whether based on faith or something else. What they choose to think and believe as adults is their decision.
What about pushing them? You get incredible conflict when the parents' dreams aren't based on reality. It is cruel to push a kid with a 100 IQ to be a doctor, someone with an 80 IQ to be an engineer. They aren't capable of it!
Pushing them achieve where they have no talent is an exercise in frustration. Making the tone deaf child play lessons for years and being angry they can't play well is a failure of the parent. We need to be honest as to their abilities and guide them to find something they are good at that is realistic.
The advice "You can be anything you want!" is cruel because it isn't true and it sets unrealistic expectations. And some of these parents pushing too hard are acting as much on the child's expressed desires as their own dreams. Hence the singing lessons for children who cannot sing well growing up into Idol auditions mocked for being so surprised when told you aren't very good. No one ever told them they were bad, in the hope wishful thinking would make it so. It won't.
In short, be realistic in what you encourage them to do, be honest about their abilities, wishing doesn't make it so, but setting reasonable limits and teaching them your beliefs is a parent's right and duty.
by Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago
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