Would you/have you shunned a family member just because they're gay?

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  1. profile image0
    Longhunterposted 12 years ago

    Most everyone has a family member that's come out as being gay. If you have had or, in the future, had a family member come out, would you or have you shunned them? Either way, why?

  2. Aficionada profile image80
    Aficionadaposted 12 years ago


    1. dutchman1951 profile image62
      dutchman1951posted 12 years agoin reply to this


  3. profile image0
    Brenda Durhamposted 12 years ago

    Matter of fact, it was the opposite. The distant family member himself shunned (and attacked) the rest of the family simply because they didn't agree with nor bless his lifestyle choice.

    1. mega1 profile image80
      mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      so the whole family was shunned by one gay guy? I've never heard of that happening before!  just cuz they didn't like his lifestyle? how could he be so mean to y'all?  that's so phobic of him!  wow - that must have been just horrible for you -

      it's a good thing he was "distant" family, or his horrible lifestyle might have really affected y'all - so terrible.  I hope you've recovered from this slap!

      1. profile image0
        Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Your undue sarcasm is noted.

        1. mega1 profile image80
          mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          felt kinda like it was OVERdue in this case!

    2. livelonger profile image89
      livelongerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If his family treated him in the way you've treated gay people here, then I can understand him wanting to distance himself from people who consistently belittle and insult him.

      1. profile image0
        Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Your undue insult is also noted.

        1. livelonger profile image89
          livelongerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Your consistent portrayal of black as white, up as down, and bad as good was duly noted a long time ago.

    3. profile image0
      Longhunterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Why would he attack you or the rest of the family? Did he get upset because you were indifferent but still accepted him as family or did he just get mad because you didn't fall all over yourselves patting him on the back for coming out?

      1. Greg Sage profile image41
        Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Yeah, let me get this straight...

        No one in the family shunned this person.  The unprovoked individual took it upon themselves to shun every single member of the family for not accepting them for who they are.

        Unless he was the bandleader in the local gay pride parade, bringing home a string of promiscuous lovers, or going out of his way to purposefully make an otherwise loving and accepting family uncomfortable...  Sounds at first glance like you meant to just say:


      2. profile image0
        Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Yes, he was still accepted as family, but got upset because family didn't say it was all good.  He and his lover were invited and welcomed to family reunions and all that.  But in his opinion, the family was not entitled to their own opinions. He thought he could persuade or force them to give their unqualified sanction.

        1. Greg Sage profile image41
          Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I could see how that could go either way... really comes down to how respectful each side is being.  I've known people of all sorts that were obnoxious about flaunting things in others' faces just to be confrontational (not just homosexuality), but Ive seen a lot more of the other...  families and friends whose constant judging would make anyone want to leave.

          1. Theresa_Kennedy profile image77
            Theresa_Kennedyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            When working through homophobia in a family, it helps when both parties can say "you are entitled to your opinion, but I'm going to stop trying to make you change yours."

            Also, inviting a gay couple to any function where they must endure criticism and judgement with an onslought of anti-gay "opinions", is the same as shunning them. It's not very welcoming.

      3. Haunty profile image75
        Hauntyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        What an ******* way to approach it, Brenda! You don't have to bless it, or even understand it. I don't. But it certainly doesn't change a thing between me and him.

    4. profile image0
      King Larry 2.0posted 12 years ago

      Nah, I really wouldn't give two cents to a rat's a** if one of my cousins or other male family members came out of the closet.  Why?  because there's statistically two women for every guy born in the world, so that would mean more women for me! big_smile  heheheheheh  Hell, if i had my way, I'd make ALL MEN THAT WASN'T ME into gays, so I could have all you fine a** ladies to myself. wink  (laughs deviously)

      1. KyleBear profile image58
        KyleBearposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        What an answer yikes

        1. profile image0
          King Larry 2.0posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks buddy.  I thought so too.  lol  No offense though, as I'm just an honest jerk. wink  lol

          1. DIYweddingplanner profile image79
            DIYweddingplannerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Emphasis on the "jerk."

      2. danfresnourban profile image60
        danfresnourbanposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        That is a good point, straight guys should be grateful for gay guys because competition goes down.

      3. Pamela Sarzana profile image59
        Pamela Sarzanaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        I  get a BIG laugh at some of the conversations here ...Har yikes

    5. psycheskinner profile image80
      psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago


    6. mega1 profile image80
      mega1posted 12 years ago

      here's the thing - why do some people have to HAVE an opinion about the sexual preferences of others - family or not?  do you make sure you applaud your other family members for being hetero?  I think not. If someone comes out (by bringing home a same sex lover) why do some people think they have to state their homophobic "opinion" and let the guy know they're "welcome" but disapproved?  Why? The point is, its none of anybody's business, and if you note that someone is gay and you truly accept them, they are not going to reject you.  Yes?  and sometimes it takes a bit of sarcasm to make the point.

      1. Greg Sage profile image41
        Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Which begs the larger question of what's wrong with people who feel the need to force or enforce their opinion about ANYTHING on others short of stopping one person from harming another.

        I do believe I learned that one in Kindergarten.  Many people, it seems, would do well to repeat that particular grade until they get it right.

        1. mega1 profile image80
          mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          exactly.  that's my opinion too.  and if anyone doesn't agree with us I will be sure to send over the big boys to set them straight!  so there!!

      2. profile image0
        Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        If it was "nobody's business" as you say, then the family wouldn't know anything about it, would they?  Quite obviously, the very act of "coming out" is to try to MAKE it someone else's business (actually, problem).

        And that mentality of trying to force someone to agree with homosexuality is evidenced right here in this thread.   Way ta go--NOT, those of you who immediately jumped in and attacked me personally for just having answered the question.    Typical, is it not, of the liberal mindset?!   Indeed.

        1. mega1 profile image80
          mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I did not attack you personally - I displayed my disagreement with your view about what accepting someone who is homosexual is all about by being sarcastic.  So it's not you, it's that viewpoint I objected to.  However, I know nothing will get through to you, as most of us in the forums know exactly how you feel and how open to other's reactions or opinions you are not.\

            People who come out do it in various ways - they may say nothing but in their actions, their lovers, etc. show who they are. Not knowing the circumstances of your family member's "coming out" I can only think what I think when you say everybody in the family still invite him even though they don't approve of him.  Would you want to hang out with people who don't approve of you?  Or say you do hang out with people who don't like your biases and lifestyle == why?

        2. Greg Sage profile image41
          Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          How in the world is that obvious?  Seems quite obvious to most who are more observant that coming out in many cases is a very difficult attempt to step forward and accept head-on the harsh criticisms and bigotry they've grown up with... because they simply can no longer live with the duality of trying to present a false face to the world simply to duck ridicule.

          I'm no libber by a mile, and I recognize that there are cases where people are simply antagonistic for the sake of causing trouble.  Your attitude does nothing to indicate that they are the problem, however.  Quite the opposite.

          The fact that it is so "obvious" to you that anyone who is coming out is simply trying to create a problem for someone else and throw it in their face shows a truly profound lack of understanding and empathy.

          It's frankly difficult to imagine a more 2 dimensional viewpoint or one that shows less respect for their perspective.  Who in the world wouldn't want to get away from that sort of judgement?

        3. Lyn.Stewart profile image69
          Lyn.Stewartposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          lol well this question certainly recieved some heated statements.

          No I'd never shun any family member for being true to themselves.

        4. thebrucebeat profile image60
          thebrucebeatposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Do you feel it is nobody's business that you are straight?  Do you think that noone should know?  Should you hide an integral part of who you are to cater to the whims of people that have no skin in the game of your personal life?  Should you leave your spouse at home when going to parties?

          As for going for the knee-jerk liberal reference, it's a very lame broad brush that doesn't address anything useful in this discussion.

    7. TLMinut profile image59
      TLMinutposted 12 years ago

      If you have had or, in the future, had a family member come out, would you or have you shunned them? Either way, why?

      My answer:
      I wanted to but God didn't let me.

      Also, a different family member: He shunned his family, finally came back and realized they thought it was wrong but whatever, he's still HIM, they love him and anyone he loves. So now they all act like family again.

    8. Lisa HW profile image64
      Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

      No.  We had that happen.  The person who came out is someone everyone (in the family) has always cared about, and is someone who has shown how much she cares about people in the family.  In other words, she's a part of the extended family.  It surprised a lot of people (because this person is middle-aged and a parent), so it took a little bit of getting used to the "news") - but that was it.  Back to life as usual for everyone.

      Aside from not being someone who thinks what someone else is/does is my business; when this "news" came out for our family, I was the mother of two teens and one kid just past 20.  Besides wanting to reinforce what I'd worked hard for years to try to teach my kids (which is that the "measure of a person" is about how kind and decent and caring he is), and besides wanting to be what I thought was good role model (as far as my dealing with the "news" went); I honestly didn't feel the "news" changed who the person was.

      The person in question, as well as I, had learned a long time ago that life can have so many things in it that destroy lives and/or families; something as "stupid" as whether or not someone is gay shouldn't be something that gets in the way of families staying whole.

    9. Daniel Carter profile image63
      Daniel Carterposted 12 years ago

      I don't shun anyone. However, I do cut off people for very specific reasons. But the only people I cut off are those who spew vitriol, attack and betray. Those things have nothing to do with race, religion, gender, or sexual preference. I cut them off because I'm not anyone's garbage can.

      Those that I have cut off, I have happened to run into from time to time. I'm cordial and distant, and I don't engage them in a conversation. "Hello" is about all they get from me.

    10. ameliejan profile image77
      ameliejanposted 12 years ago

      No one in my family is gay as far as I know. I would not shun them, I hope anyway. I guess you can never tell how you feel but I have gay friends so expect I wouldn't shun them.

    11. Bhanu.Jas profile image71
      Bhanu.Jasposted 12 years ago

      I don't have anyone in my family guy but if there will be anyone i will not shun him away.As everyone has right of freedom in country.


    12. profile image0
      ExoticHippieQueenposted 12 years ago

      I have a lesbian cousin, who incidentally, reverted back to heterosexual. I don't quite understand that, but either way, her sexuality does not have anything to do with her as a person. I love her either way.

    13. earnestshub profile image82
      earnestshubposted 12 years ago

      No. But then, I'm not homophobic. Not a family trait. smile

      1. Greg Sage profile image41
        Greg Sageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Yes, but would you embrace a family member who was...

        ... born homophobic?


    14. imatellmuva profile image75
      imatellmuvaposted 12 years ago

      Absolutely not! I know people who shun people because they're gay, and they themselves live a life filled with more than just hate; one that's absent of respect for all mankind.

      I choose to embrace people for how they are, and not what they are.

    15. emievil profile image67
      emievilposted 12 years ago

      No. But then again, I don't have a close family member who's gay. I do have a close friend (almost like an older brother to me) who's gay and I was one of the first he spoke to when he decided to come out. His coming out did not change anything between us, in fact, we became closer to each other.

    16. profile image0
      Longhunterposted 12 years ago

      I have a cousin who just happens to be gay. We grew up together and he was more like a brother to me than a cousin. He's family-period.

      He eventually "came out" to the family and it really bothered me that the rest of the family thought I would be the first to shun him. I was later told that it shocked several of them when it was I that simply hugged him and said, "This changes nothing between us. You're still family and like a brother to me." We accepted his partner as a member of our family just as he accepted my wife as part of his.

      There may be some who choose the gay lifestyle. However, it's my humble opinion it's something their born with. It's not a birth defect and there's nothing wrong with them. It's just the way they are but it's not WHO they are. Do I understand it? No, but it's not mine to understand. It's just the way things are and a person should not be persecuted for it any more than they should be for their gender or the color of their skin.

      We recently found out my cousin's partner is HIV positive. This was found out after the two of them had gone their separate ways. My cousin gets tested regularly and luckily the tests have been negative.

      I've known gays who were shunned by their families and it hurt them deeply. It made them bitter people until they realized the ones they were shunned by were uneducated, shallow people who couldn't look past a label.

      It's long since time we got past the labels. That is, of course, with the exception of Democrats but that's a topic for another forum.

    17. Cardisa profile image89
      Cardisaposted 12 years ago

      I am yet to understand how we heterosexuals think. We don't wake up one morning and say I going to like the opposite sex! Why is is so hard to believe that gay persons don't just decide to be gay?

      This is not a matter of choice, it is who they are. We are heterosexual because that is who we are and so is the one who is gay. The only difference is that some people prefer the opposite sex while some prefer the same sex.

      It is not for anyone but God to decide who is right from wrong. We need to learn to accept this or we will all be at risk of losing the people we say we love. Love is unconditional. You should not have to wonder if you will be shunned by your family if you all share this unconditional love. If your family cannot love you in spite of who you are then maybe you will be better of without them.

    18. Disturbia profile image60
      Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

      No, I would NEVER shun a family member for being gay.  Who does such a thing anyway?

    19. profile image0
      dixie28714posted 12 years ago

      no, it is not our judgement to place, its God's.  They choose how to live their life, they die, God handles it, its no one's else business.

    20. prettydarkhorse profile image56
      prettydarkhorseposted 12 years ago


    21. Theresa_Kennedy profile image77
      Theresa_Kennedyposted 12 years ago

      I know what it's like to come out and so do others in my family.

      Billions of dollars are spent on heterosexist images in TV, movies, magazines, billboards. EVERYWHERE you look, you can see hetero couples holding hands, kissing, etc. We are raised to believe that when we grow up, we are supposed to enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite gender. We are raised to be homophobic.

      Most of society shuns someone who is gay. Family members don't agree with it, and while they say "you are welcome to join us for all gatherings" they are also saying "we have opinions about what you are doing and it's important that you listen to us". Every day, someone loses their job because a boss or coworker found out they are gay. Religious people come to your door to tell you that you’re going to hell for being gay (this happened to me).

      It can take family members a long time to work through their homophobia. People often become estranged during that process. Sometimes parents disown their children for coming out. It can take years for someone to work through their homophobia.

      Remember too, that GLBT people have to work through their OWN homophobia before they feel brave enough to come out. It can be a long, difficult and painful process. Many GLBT youth don't make it through this process.

    22. The black mist profile image61
      The black mistposted 12 years ago

      i would never, when i first came out to my dad about being bi he asked me so many times if i were just gay and i would always reply no, but he made his point that he would love me no matter what.

    23. christiehemme profile image59
      christiehemmeposted 12 years ago

      No, I wouldn't. Human should have to accept the natural things as they are created by God.And also I think every person has the right to live according to himself/herself.


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