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Y'all Need a Receipt
Many colored lights
Whats a Receipt?
License and registration please. As drivers those are the words we all dread hearing. But how about license registration and receipt? That’s what I was up against a few years ago as I tooled along one morning on my way to work. At the time I was driving an old Ford van. I think it was a 1962 Econoline.
After work in order to make some extra money I would do a little landscaping so the old van was full of gardening tools and some chunks of sod bouncing around in the back. As I was saying, I was on my way to my main Job when I recognized a familiar but alarming sight in my rearview mirror. The blood drained completely from my face, where it went I haven’t a clue. A State Highway Patrolmen was directly on my tail with red and white lights flashing all around his car; I think there were a couple of blue ones as well. This has happened to me before but they always go around me and go after someone else.
This particular State Trooper didn’t pass. He pulled me over to the side of the parkway onto the grass and he pulled in behind me. I watched in my side view mirror as he unfolded his massive body getting out of his patrol car. He appeared to be a giant size person as he reached back into his patrol car and grabbed his ten gallon hat. He put it on his head very precisely and took a ticket pad out of his back pocket. Then he rubbed the back of his boots on the back of his pant legs and looked down at them to make sure that they were shiny enough to give me a ticket. He walked slowly up to my opened window. He was so tall he had to bend his body in half to see me.
License and registration he said in a southern drawl, a very southern drawl. I reached into my glove box, fumbled around and surprisingly found what he asked for. He looked them over then looked inside my van then looked them over some more. Where’s yow ree-ceet he said in a throaty deep drawly voice? Y’all need a ree-ceet to drive on thisa here parkway. I put my hand back into my glove compartment hoping for a miracle but knowing full well that there was only some wrinkled up papers and an old tootsie roll pop in there. I don’t seem to have one I said, the blood rapidly returning to my face. Why are y’all lookin in thar he said? Yeah I said with a nervous giggle, there’s not much in there. I don’t think yow gunna find a ree-ceet in yow glove box he said without a hint of a smile. I’m not I said? I began to rummage through my wallet. What-a-ya lookin fa he said again while squinting his beady red eyes at me? For the receipt I said. I don’t even know what it looks like I said, or where I can even get one.
He took his long bony finger and poked it inside the window opening toward the rear of the van. Ree-ceet, ree-ceet he repeated quite loudly in my ear as he jabbed his finger in and out of the window. Rivers of light now flowed through my mind all at once. It was the great awakening of a dormant brain. Ooooh I said a little embarrassed. Rear seat. Man, y’all got a hearing problem or is it a thinking problem he said as he pointed his long boney finger at the side of his head while rotating it as he walked away mumbling. I probably made his day because he never gave me the ticket.