The life is full of stress; so, we need to laugh every day to have better mood in our daily life and good health.
and this forum for you to share us a good joke or to read new joke here; just to laugh.
so, what's the latest joke today?
and this is another joke for you:
A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey; where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.
His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: "Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..."
While his Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see a man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill and lands at his feet!
"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.
"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" she inquires.
"No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message... As I ran home,
I kept hearing Him yell, ' THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'
HAHA that's off skins =]] Its the best!
At first conference of the president-elect, Barack Obama said America will succeed if we can put aside partisanship and politics. In other words, we're totally screwed.
Why did the moth go to the doctor's surgery?
Because the light was on.
My friend Joe has more chins than a Hong Kong telephone directory.
Mine are all short, because I can only remember short jokes (no, not "short jokes" short jokes--those, being height challenged, I deliberately forget.)
Two atoms are strolling along, when one atom suddenly stops short. "Oh, no, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" says the other one.
"Yeah, I'm positive."
What do two oceans say when they pass each other?
Nothing. They just wave.
A man walks into a bar. What does he say?
A man walks into a bar, sees a horse, and decides to sit down next to him.
He looks over and says, "Hey, why the long face?"
Yo mama is so big she tripped over McDonald and landed on Burger King
I just finished a set of Jeff Foxworthy style redneck jokes for Associated Content here's one:
If your dog leaves your cat alone as long as it keeps the rats off the porch; you might be a redneck.
Yo momma is so tiny she could hang-glide on a Dorito!
If ugly were bricks, yo momma would be a housing project!
Dealing with angry wife
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'Lets do it!'
....and she's always sound asleep.
A man was touring an insane asylum with the head doctor when they came across a tub with a faucet pouring water into it and several patients using 5 gallon pails dipping the water out of the tub to keep it from overflowing.
The guest inquired as to what the purpose of that was. The doctor replied, "Well, they are sane if they shut off the faucet." The guest replied,"I never would have thought of that!"
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. "This place is great, isn't it?" he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies, "Why do you say that?"
The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, "Follow me." The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room. The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.
"Here's why." The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air. But he remains aloft!
"The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing."
He floats back into the room. As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.
The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window - down to the pavement twelve stories below. He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.
Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air. He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.
The first man grins and returns to the bar. Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.
"You know," he says, disgusted. "You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
True exchanges that have taken place in court:
Q What is your date of birth?
A July 15th.
Q What year?
A Every year.
Q She had three children, right?
Q How many were boys?
Q Were there any girls?
Q How was your first marriage terminated?
A By death.
Q By whose death was it terminated?
Q Can you describe the individual?
A He was of medium height and had a beard.
Q Was this a male or a female?
Q All of your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
Q Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Q Did you check for blood pressure?
Q Did you check to see if he was breathing?
Q So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Q How can you be so sure, doctor?
A Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q But the patient could have still been alive nonetheless?
A Yes. It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
'Quick, quick!' shouts Sister Catherine. 'What shall we do?'
'Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,' says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
'What shall I do now?' she shouts.
'Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican ,' says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams
as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
'Now what?' shouts Sister Catherine
'Show him your cross,' says Sister Helen.
'Now you're talking,' says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, 'Get the fuck off the car!'
Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.
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