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What Our Teenage Girls Deserve

Updated on October 15, 2012

My Truth

I usually enjoy sharing very light and uplifting experiences about my life. Only highlighting the positive and somewhat humorous situations and experiences.

However, I am going to forgo some personal privacy for this issue in hopes that it helps someone.. somewhere.

I was raised in a home that had very little communication and attention but a lot of alcohol and fighting. Not the best environment for a growing girl so I turned to the first boy who said he loved me and thought I was a Princess. About a month after my 16th birthday I got pregnant and surprisingly enough, everything just got harder. I was very alone no matter how many people I surrounded myself with, extremely angry, and more hurt than I can express in words. There is obviously a lot more to the story but I won't bore you with all the details. The point of this is that I have never forgotton how I felt growing up. I still am that little girl in so many ways.

When my daughter was a pre-teen and teenager I would watch so many of her friends and classmates go through experiences similar to mine and my heart would just sink! I would always do whatever I could for them but, I could never undo what their parents did , or didn't do. My step-daughter is now 15yo and it's the same story! The names change and no two situations are exactly the same but some of the behaviors are.

It seems like each generation gives up on the next. The parenting rules change when kids reach about 11yo and parents check out for some reason. Is it too hard? Do they feel like it's 'their turn to live a little'? Do they blame everything on the fact their child is a teenager now? Are they busy trying to be their teens 'Friend'? or Do they just not care anymore? I have heard all of these and I hope that surprises you!

One day my step-daughter and I were talking about some of her classmates and what she could do to help. We came up with the idea that teens should come with an instruction manual. It was a joke at first but when we started writing things down, I started really wishing that my parents had read it. We call it, The Do's and Don'ts when Raising a Teenage Girl.

I am going to post one rule per day in hopes that someone will read one or all of them and it will help a teenage girl like i was. If you don't agree with anything written please don't be shy! Let's get it out there and discuss it. Silence is a killer in these situations. Communication is key! Thank you!

DO

Take her to get her hair and make up done professionally one time when she starts getting interested. This will make her feel special and important while teaching her some basics about hair care and make up colors/application. She will appreciate it from a professional while she would probably resent it from you. Make it a birthday present or some special occasion. Save her from the horrible blue eye shadow and black eye liner nightmare we all have to live down every time we look at an old 8th grade photo! Lol


DON'T

Tell her she looks horrible when she is trying to figure out how to dress like a teenager. We aren't born knowing what make up colors go with our skin tone or which products help limp or frizzy hair. She is venturing out of her comfort zone and is at risk of peer ridicule as it is. Her childhood was spend dressing how you wanted her to and wearing her hair however you styled it. Now that she is thinking more abstractly she will need to try many different looks and styles to see what fits for her. She needs support and guidance from you. Harsh words from a parent have 1000 more impact that from anyone else. Her self image is relying on you, don’t let her down.

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    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 6 years ago from Washington

      techygran, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this hub. I have a definite soft spot and passion for kids and especially teens. I feel they sometimes get a bad wrap and are misunderstood. You were very blessed to have your auntie! ;)

    • techygran profile image

      Cynthia 6 years ago from Vancouver Island, Canada

      Very compassionate, respectful hub. It is (I think) just as hard to be a child as it is to be a parent... as far as I know, no parent is handed a manual and few kids get the guidance they are looking for. I was blessed to have a "maiden auntie" that I went to live with when I finished high school and she taught me all kinds of things about cooking and fashion and art,etc. that I had no clue about. Adults have a huge positive role to play if they get their own needs met from other adults and are sufficiently respectful of their teens' needs... thank you! (Love how you encouraged your step-daughter in her area of expertise!)

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 6 years ago from Washington

      Thank you Thundermama! ;)

    • Thundermama profile image

      Catherine Taylor 6 years ago from Canada

      Great advice about the professional hair and makeup lesson.

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 6 years ago from Washington

      Enjoy every second of every minute you two have together! The teenage years can really be amazing. :) Thanks so much for your input

    • FordeAhern profile image

      FordeAhern 6 years ago from Broadford, Co. Limerick. ireland

      Thank you for that information.My little girl just became a teenager three weeks ago.The funny thing about it is she seems to have loads of time for me and loves a cuddle which I was expecting all of these things to go. A great hub thank you.

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 6 years ago from Washington

      You are so right Sofs! I've always believed that there aren't any Bad kids. Some teens are lost, angry, confused, or misguided but they all have so much promise and desire for acceptance and love. Their actions and behaviors are simply a clue, telling you what they are going through or what they need right now. Good for you for sticking up for your son's friends!

    • sofs profile image

      sofs 6 years ago

      Interesting hub. I really wish we looked at teenagers as people and not as problems. I am sick of listening to complaints from the parents of my son's friend. I always make it a point to tell them how wonderful their son or daughter is, picking up and explaining a point. Good work.. Thanks for sharing! Have a wonderful day!

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 6 years ago from Washington

      Thanks Sassydee. I really appreciate your consideration and honesty! I hope you read the next one because I look forward to your input. ;)

    • sassydee profile image

      Delilah 6 years ago from los angeles, ca

      very interesting i love it totally agree with everything you wrote except for the Do's great Dont rule!vote up

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 6 years ago from Washington

      Thank you for reading, i agree with you completely. Your daughter and granddaughters are lucky to have you! ;)

    • lucybell21 profile image

      Bonny OBrien 6 years ago from Troy, N.Y.

      Great hub! My daughter is grown now, and had a mind of her own, and still does. I now have 4 granddaughters, the oldest will be 13 in Feb. We have a wonderful relationship, and we can talk to each other. She will ask my opion and I give it to her, and she really listens to what I suggest to her. Kids need positive feedback in a certain way that does not offend them, but makes them feel good about who they are, and what they do now, will affect them later on in life.

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