How Do You Think Cruel Treatment Affects their Child As They Become An Adult?

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   How Do You Think Cruel Treatment Affects their Child As They Become An Adult?
   
   What are the ripple affects relationship wise? Financially? Community wise?....What are your thoughts, feelings and experiences?
   
   

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   Cissy1946posted 7 years ago

   You would almost have to define cruel treatment. When I was little I thought my mom was cruel because I had to eat my dinner before I could have dessert. Worse, she made me eat with a fork instead of my fingers. Was she being cruel? No, she was teaching me what I needed to know to exist in society. When I was little parents were still spanking their children for transgressions. Did I think that was cruel? Of course. But first, a spanking consisted of being turned over her knees and swatted on the bottom once or twice and whatever the transgression, it was never repeated.
   Maybe a better way to put it is that there were consequences for actions that were not acceptable. As an adult I appreciate that lesson and always take consequences into consideration when making decisions. I think one of the things wrong today is that people don't believe their actions deserve consequences because they've never learned that bad behavior invokes consequences.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      That is a important interpretation you made cissy. Yes it would have been better to have reframed my question as put by you...your lead into the last paragraph of your response.

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      ptosisposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Your experience doesn't seem to reflect the image of emotional abuse shown with the question.

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      Cissy1946posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      No, abuse never existed. The actual question doesn't specify 'abuse' and it's been my experience to be very very careful when using the term or making an allegation concerning abuse. I was disciplined, not abused. Too many are abused just to abuse.

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   ptosisposted 7 years ago

   
   
   Going by your picture: those who experienced emotional abuse were affected in the parts of their brain responsible for self-awareness.
   
   "changes in the somatosensory cortex, the area that process input from the body to create sensations and perception,"  - Jens Pruessner,
   
   "High Arousal (Fear) = Impaired Prefrontal Cortex Stress chemicals disable the mid cortex and limbic brain takes over So what activates the Prefrontal and Medial Cortex? - Meditation and mindfulness practices - these kick-in “top-down” brain functioning versus “bottom-up” " -  Leo Butler

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   NatashaLposted 7 years ago

   I can only answer this from my own perspective.  To me, cruel treatment is any kind of treatment inflicted selfishly and with the intention of minimizing and hurting the other person.
   
   In Cecelia's case, expecting her children to eat their supper is not cruel.  Refusing to let the children eat cookies without finishing their peas would also not be cruel.  The purpose here is not to "show those children who's boss."  The purpose is to be sure that the children are getting the nutrition they need.
   
   Locking the children in a cage or giving them hour-long beatings because they didn't finish their peas would be cruel.  It strips the children of their dignity, and is intended only to "put those children in their place." 
   
   I have trouble trusting others or believing that I'm good enough.  My relationship with my parents deteriorated after we started going to church.  (Among things we were taught:  Good children never question authority.  Hurt feelings just show that you're not right with God.  If your parents are belittling you or otherwise saying hurtful things, it's because you need to learn humility.  Only the most rebellious children speak up for themselves instead of just "meekly submitting to God-given authority. "The only response I ever want to hear from you is, 'Yes, Sir.'")
   
   That upbringing severely affected my relationship with both my parents and the "men of God" who preached those philosophies.  When I came home from Christian school crying because I was having trouble in science class (and the teacher obviously hated me), my stepfather's only response was a mocking, "Awwww...did somebody hurt your little FEELINGS?  That's right!  Go to your room and cry about it!  Can I come to your pity party?"  That was followed by his calling to my brother, "Hey, [X], we're having a party in here!  You want to come to Natasha's pity party?"  And then he'd give me the biggest phony smile he could.  His behavior was cruel, because he sought only to hurt and provoke me.  To this day, I despise him.  I learned that I couldn't talk to him about things that bothered me.  Even now, it's hard to trust anyone because of similar experiences with him and "men of God."  I've also left Christianity.
   
   I ended up being diagnosed with major depressive disorder, to me a natural result of constantly being belittled for having normal human doubts and feelings.  Since I could only internalize my feelings, I ended up hating myself for having "sinful" feelings.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I am so so sorry Natasha...I wish I could brush my wing around you and make it better...I can relate to the effects of  authouraritarian ways both in the home and via those in religious positions....love does not hurt...im thinking of you..

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