What do you do if your teenager refuses to come home?

Jump to Last Post 1-50 of 91 discussions (111 posts)
  1. Kenneth Ray profile image63
    Kenneth Rayposted 11 years ago

    What do you do if your teenager refuses to come home?

    My son is 16 years old. He does not like our rules. Now he is refusing to come home.

    1. LeslieAdrienne profile image70
      LeslieAdrienneposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      If you don't know the Lord, you need to receive Him and pray for your son to be protected. You have lost his respect and he is in rebellion. All you should do (in my opinion) is to ride through this period. Face the fact that he is not concerned with consequences and that he is in for a rough ride. With prayer and faith, you can go through this time with peace. Do not give him authority over you, your household or your house rules. If you do, he will hate you for it when he gets older.  Find you a prayer partner and stand on the Word of God. Things can only get better......

  2. teyeger82 profile image64
    teyeger82posted 11 years ago

    Well, you have what I would consider to be a scary situation there. After my oldest child spent one year away at college, he did not want to have any rules. I took the car that he bought and paid for. My house, my rules (not to mention my name was on the title and I could be liable if anything bad happened). I don't know if you have that as an option. Is there anything that you provide that can be taken away that would either keep him at home or make it worthwhile to stay at home? Car? Money? Anything? The problem with kids your son's age is that the closer they get to the age of 18, the more worldly they think they become. They could not be any more mistaken! Aside from that, they sometimes have to learn the hard way. Some tough love maybe. I would not beg him to come home. Tell him you expect him to live and be at your house and that if he cannot do that as most children do, then you will not treat him as most children are treated. Then don't give him money, rides, car, etc. When he comes asking for something, tell him children that don't obey are not entitled to make demands, ask favors, require support, etc. Good luck.

  3. profile image0
    screamingposted 11 years ago

    Very independent age. Threats usually don't work, just generates more negative behavior. So rather then threat or argue, inform him if not home by a certain time, the doors will be locked for the safety of the rest of the household and he will have to sleep outside. And you'll see him in the morning.

  4. TripleAMom profile image77
    TripleAMomposted 11 years ago

    I agree with teyeger82 in that your 16 year old is still a minor and has to have money, housing, transportation, and other things.  At some point, he will come to you for these things.  He can only stay away for so long without the things that you have been providing for him.  When he does come asking for help, he needs to know that he can reside under your roof as long as he obeys your rules.  You are free to take from him anything that is not a necessity.  I've heard it said that the only thing a parent is REQUIRED to provide is food (not fast food or steaks or whatever, but the minimum), clothing (not name brand but just something on their backs-even thrift store), and shelter (but that does not mean a TV, playstation, IPOD in their rooms).  Let him know that you are sad that he is making the poor choices.  This is very tough, I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  Hopefully your son will come around.

    1. eagbedun profile image57
      eagbedunposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      you make parents sound like machines. providing food, clothing and shelter alone will not nurture a normal human being with the need for someone to understand them and be emotionally in touch with them. humans give empathy as much as they require it.

  5. Kenneth Ray profile image63
    Kenneth Rayposted 11 years ago

    Thanks for the advice. I think Iam on the right track now. Its not easy though.

    1. teyeger82 profile image64
      teyeger82posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I know you are worried. Hopefully, he eventually gets it. Years after I insisted on a curfew, my oldest commented on the fact that he did not know why parents let their kids have all kinds of freedom to roam that only led to all kinds of trouble.

    2. noeylab profile image61
      noeylabposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I decided finishing high school is a waste of time and dropped out after resting for 1 year I went to study a trade course then use the trade qualification to apply for relevant degree in university.

  6. nightwork4 profile image59
    nightwork4posted 11 years ago

    lock him out, seriously. let him spend a few nights without his bed, his phone etc., and then when he finally decides to talk to you tell him the next time it will be for a lot longer. if he ends up staying with friends and doesn't care, nothing you could have done will make a difference.

    1. CrescentSkies profile image62
      CrescentSkiesposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I was just going to say call the police but I like this idea better. If it's just the kid being a teenager this is a fairly quick resolution to the issue.

  7. Virtual Treasures profile image61
    Virtual Treasuresposted 11 years ago

    Ahhh.  So very, very difficult.  There is no easy answer.  We have gone through the same thing with our oldest son who is now 19.  He didn't like the rules and told us he wasn't going to follow them, so we asked him to leave.  But, we went through periods of time where he wouldn't come home for days and not have any contact with us at all.  We would sit home terrified and worried sick.  After years of counseling, we came to the conclusion that the MOST important thing is that he cannot choose how he treats us unless we allow him to.  We had to be consistent.  If we said you have to be home at a certain time, you had to be, or you would be locked out.  If you continued the behaviors we didn't allow, you had to find somewhere else to live.  Well, he had to find somewhere else to live.  The sad fact is that we can't protect them from themselves once they get into their later teen years.  We have to let go a little bit and pray that eventually they make good choices.  Always leave the door open, though, for when they decide they want to follow the rules.

    1. profile image52
      dee for debbieposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the advice. I am finding out that what your saying is true. I'm trying the tough love and it is a struggle and it is hard. She is now gonna be 19 next month and she tends to come home when she's sick or when she needs makeup or something.

    2. winenut profile image59
      winenutposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      You explained this perfectly!

    3. eagbedun profile image57
      eagbedunposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      so basically push them away enough that when they go off to college, they become ghosts?

  8. Ravineyes profile image59
    Ravineyesposted 11 years ago

    Honestly Kenneth, Why is he saying that he doesn't like your rules? I am in no way challenging your authority as a parent, I only have a unique way of separating the issues at hand to view. Have you asked him exactly what he dislikes? And then so, have you explained the reasons behind the rules? Safety . . . after all of that, take a look at his friends, who he is spending time with and question their influence on them. Sadly, kids don't come up with these genius ideas on their own, it's usually a group effort. Do you recall being 16? Peer pressure is pretty strong these days and the consequences are not what they use to be.
    I am only trying to offer another avenue for you, I truly hope that deep down you and your son are re-united.
    If not, then yes, you can only take so much and sometimes tough love is the best - and the hardest.
    Good luck to you and I wish you and your family peace.

    1. eagbedun profile image57
      eagbedunposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      The time you were 16 and the circumstances you were in would be quite different in today's age.

  9. Billie Kelpin profile image86
    Billie Kelpinposted 10 years ago

    Dear Kenneth, I read one of your hubs.  You and your wife have a tough row to hoe and I hope you are getting counseling and help.  Some of the advice here should be taken with careful consideration.  A whole shift needs to happen when a family is in such crisis.  You have exceptional circumstances.  It sounds as if each of member of your family is under a great deal of stress either expressed or unexpressed.  I have received wonderful advice from counselors through the years that has helped me from making very serious mistakes and has prevented estrangement from my daughter during very difficult times. There are ways to "change the dance."  A great professional can help.  There are professionals on hubpages who can point you in the right direction. Ask them to refer you to someplace if you're not receiving help.  If you are receiving help, either ask for more or try a different type of professional care.  This is too much for one family to carry all by itself. Warm wishes to you.

  10. padmendra profile image49
    padmendraposted 9 years ago

    Many teenagers have taken this kind of step where they left their home without informing anyone in the family. Sometimes parents are not able to tackle the situation and remain tensed till where about of their daughter or son is known to them..

    The reasons of teenagers leaving their homes may be many but the few things are like,  they feel life at home  too restrictive or they face physical  or emotional abuses at home. A child takes such step only when she or he  does not get emotional support from their parents. If a child gets  everything at home, he/she won't  be thinking of leaving their homes.

    The parents should wait till it is confirmed that the where about of their child is not known from any of their friends, relatives or closed ones including the school principal of their school.  They should register an FIR with the police station as soon as possible  along with a photo of the child, informing police about the dress the child was wearing at the time of leaving home or details of  any valuable item if he or she was carrying. Parents should not hide anything about the probable cause of their child's missing and should help the police/investigating agency wherever required.

  11. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 9 years ago

    I was like this when I was that age. We think we know it all at that age. I eventually moved out when I was 17 and it was very hard. Let him see what the real world is like. Wondering where you are going to sleep? Where is your next meal coming from? Let him experience the real world and realize that he has parents who love him and are only out for his greater good. My parents disowned me when I moved out. Would not give me a crumb if I was starving. At times, tough love is the way to go. What I wouldn't have done for my parents to care enough for me that they would have sent the police looking for me. Have him brought home!!

    1. profile image51
      jekas3posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Depending on what state you live in the cops won't force a child or get a child and take them back home, only if they are willing. All they can do is a welfare check. It's sad.

      1. profile image53
        frumpletonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        My son ran away in the winter to North Dakota.  He called me.  I think he was 15.  It was bitterly cold.  I told him to go to a church and if he had to, break a window.  He was caught and a Greyhound Bus brought him home

    2. profile image53
      Melanie Altheaposted 9 years ago

      My attitude would be, good, you don't want to follow my rules, then you  must want to pay for your own place to live, and I would change all of the locks on my door. I believe in tough love. Meanwhile, I would be seriously praying for that child to come to his senses.

    3. profile image0
      Joshtheplumberposted 8 years ago

      My family let me stay gone. They even came to visit me in jail.

    4. everythingzealous profile image61
      everythingzealousposted 8 years ago

      I'm going to give you my honest opinion.. and some people may not agree with my opinion but that's why it's called an "opinion" - so I hope I do not offend anyone (although it shouldn't)

      I've been there. And not from your perspective but from his. And although it may be really hard and stressful my honest opinion is to let him know that you are there for him and that you will always be there to talk, let him know that you care and love him.. and then simply let it be. I promise you that he will come home - he's just trying to fight it and any reason you give him to stay away, he will take. All teenagers go through this - for some it's a little harder to cope with. Although my home situation was absolutely terrible and I had every right to run - your son is just going through what people call a "phase". He is not going to want to come home no matter what you do - UNLESS he wants too. And you have a way better chance of him wanting too if you do not nag or plead for him to come back. Especially if he knows there are consequences waiting for him when he gets back.

      1. vandmclark profile image58
        vandmclarkposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        This was the way we handled it when our daughter moved in with her boyfriend and his family at 15.  After her refusal of counsel we met the people she was living with and watched and loved her. At 35 she finally was diagnosed bi-polar.

    5. Lola Rivers profile image57
      Lola Riversposted 8 years ago

      At 16 he is still a baby, he doesn't have the maturity to make adult decisions for himself. I feel this is a huge problem with parents these days, parents are giving these children to many options. It should be, you do what I say when I say it or, there will be consequences. You should go to where ever he is, and make him come home. Then, when everyone is safe and secure in your home you lay down the ground rules. I don't suggest beating your son ,but some children do need a good spanking even at 16. Also hard work should do him some good. Many children have an overflow of energy that needs to be put to good use.

    6. MonkeyShine75 profile image60
      MonkeyShine75posted 8 years ago

      It's hard to do but you might want to get the police to talk to him, because you are responsible for him

    7. phantomswitness profile image60
      phantomswitnessposted 8 years ago

      As a father myself I too have had the pleasure of raising an ungrateful teen who thought he was bigger and wiser than those who have paid thier dues. Today he is a 19 year old trying to make it on his own in the attempts to prove us wrong on the potential outcome of his current life choices. But this is the exact thing that we must allow these kids to do is to witness the hardships the street can provide an unruly teen. It has been a year that my son has chosen to enact his own term of lifestyle which has taken its toll and given him what a privileged life would deny him, at his choice I might add. This is neccessary and requires you as a parent to remain steadfast and confident that your home means your rules and not on his terms. This worked out in my case as I too was an unruly teen who chose the street than my own warm bed. It took me a couple of years and into adulthood to understand my errs and to appreciate what my family truly meant to me. I use my own experience as my own benchmark for what to expect with my son in this ironic turn of events. You are not alone in this matter but part of the rite-of-passage that some hard headed children must learn with tough love and a solid resolve. Maintain, and your son will eventually learn how brutal and unforgiving rubber tramping the asphalt can be, and find his way back home. Remember the parables of the prodigal son, similar in our case with these types of antisocial and or anti familial behaviors that our children undertake. But you must always express your door is never closed to them and you will keep the light on for thier return so that they can know that you are not turning your back on them. Be strong, sometimes we need to drop our kids in the deep end of the water to teach them to swim.

    8. importantopinions profile image61
      importantopinionsposted 8 years ago

      Ages 12-15 Call police.
      Ages 16 & up. We lost the right to obligate them to come home. I have 3 teenagers, ages 18-19-21.
      When they were 16, my two oldest ones did whatever they wanted, came home whenever they wish because the law protects them. So I went to the Marshall, set up a paper that stated that as long as they reside in my home and do not pay rents or help clean, that they have a carefew, and if they do not obey by this carefew, they have to move to a shelter and be on their own.

    9. wmhoward4 profile image64
      wmhoward4posted 8 years ago

      This hands off stuff and namby pamby blame the parent stuff is all bunk. But if you call the police and report him as a runaway, some recycled hippie social worker will somehow make you the reason to investigate.

      It was once taught that respecting your parents was a biblical truth and command. Now, anything goes in our degraded culture.

      Have your attorney present when the social worker calls and demand the kid come home and follow the rules.

    10. profile image55
      peter565posted 8 years ago

      I once read from experts saying "If you have rebellious children, it is your fault." because for anybody parets=family life, so their attitude towards their parents=their attitude towards their family. Think about it this way, if your father was somebody who get drunk and bashed up you and your mother when you was a kid, then would you like to go home, when you was a kid? So, if you really want to deal with the problem, you need to understand the issue.

      A lot of parent simply assume whatever problem their kids have, are due to "out of control teen". That is call lazy parenting and if that is not the reason, of course he is not going to like you and when he grow up, maybe he will be one of those people, who hate his parents and never calls them. I know because to a certain extent I am like that. I don't call my mum for more then 2 or 3 times, a year, because that is what she was like.

      High school was a nightmare living with her, the celibus we were doing in school, was completely different from what she think we are doing, yet she wanted to take charge of everything, when she don't know the first thing about anything, She kept wanting me to study the material she think we are studying in school, where in reality, it is totally unrelated and when I am not going to waste my time studying on those stuff, that won't even show up in the exam, her assumption is "out of control teen, got bad friends, won't study" it was WW3 at home 24/7, everbody else's senior year in high school was simple, they study some and still got time to chill, me on the other hand, need to deal with this non sense 24/7. Because I was busy dealing with this bull shit, I don't have time to study the stuff that we was really doing in school, I didn't even have enough time t sleep, on average I get 2 hours sleep per two or three days, so, my grade was dropping steadly, By the end of my 2nd senior year, I use to get head ace for just using my brain for 10 minutes, due to a lack of rest. I decided finishing high school is a waste of time and dropped out, after resting for 1 year, I went to study a trade course, then use the trade qualification to apply for relevant degree in university. That is just one of the few issue, I had to deal with as a kid. I hate my mum, in fact she is one of the main reason, I don't even get married, she is hoping I would get married and she would have kids very much, but I am the only child, so I am punishing her, by never getting married and never having kid

    11. profile image58
      Andyacostaposted 8 years ago

      What are the rules he doesn't like? . you can try sitting down with him and your husband and work out some kind of agreement. But first of all listen to him to find out what its his point of view and answer any questions he might have.
      He might be feeling unheard, maybe if you give him a space to freely express his feelings and thoughts you can find a solution together. I have an 18 years old,and by my own experience I have learned that they want to participate and have a say in some subjects, and when they feel included and listened to they become less angry and frustrated. I am currently training to be an academic life coach especiallized in teens. I would love to help you if you want. I hope everything goes well and you can reach a positive outcome, all the best. Let me know if I can help.

    12. profile image0
      JG Hemlockposted 8 years ago

      Where is he staying? When my sons were 16 I did not have that problem, but I did allow their friends to congregate at my home. I kept an eye on all of them and it was easier that way to keep them on the right path. Who knows why boys do this. Once a teenager of that age came to my house and I found a bag of his clothes hidden behind my sons door. I asked my sons and they said that he had left home and they had not been forthright with me on the situation. I asked the boy why he left home. His mother was dying of cancer and apparently he was angry, emotional and he ran away to where he felt safest. After speaking to him, he went home thankfully and his mom passed away very shortly after. So there are many reasons why boys do this. Prayerfully he moved through this by the date on this question and he is all grown up now. Be blessed!

    13. CrescentSkies profile image62
      CrescentSkiesposted 8 years ago

      You call the police? Until he's past the age of legal adulthood he's still a child and thus if he runs away or refuses to return you can always have him returned via the legal system. If he's just being a self-centered teenager then doing that and punishing him afterwards is all you can do as a parent.

      I mean you could obviously do a little introspection about your own actions. Did you do something that would cause him to not like living there? Sometimes people do things that they think is helpful but just ends up hurting.

    14. sukhneet profile image32
      sukhneetposted 8 years ago

      It is really a difficult situation and I can understand how a parent feel when kids behave in such a way. They can never understand that parental concern knows no boundaries and our over-protective behavior makes them feel irritated. I think, you should get more friendly to him and ask him about his preferences and try to explain the difference between good and bad in a tactful manner. I can see that this question has been posted three years ago and hope things must have settled now and he must be back to home. Please keep updated.

      1. profile image52
        dee for debbieposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you for your advice and concern. She is gonna be 19 next month and she is not doing very well. She still tends not to want to stay at home she continues to make friends and stay gone when she either gets sick and has to go to the doctor.

    15. dredcuan profile image91
      dredcuanposted 7 years ago

      There must be a valid reason why he doesn't like to go home right?

      Well whatever it is, learn how to compromise with your teenager.  Remember he's no longer a kid.  Why not try writing down all your rules and discuss it with him.  As a teenager before, I used to spend more time outside together with my friends.  Back then, I only managed to go home early in the morning especially if we had a party all night.  My parents were worried that time, but they simply tried to understand that I'm no longer their baby.  They made conditions to me like I need to maintain high grades no matter what and to avoid dangerous vices such as drug addiction.  Luckily, I finished college and I graduated with flying colors without that emotional baggage towards my parents because they never been too strict with me.

      Reach out and talk to him.  Maybe you can convince him to go home.

    16. profile image57
      Munmun Pandeyposted 7 years ago

      Raising a child with good moral values and character demands a lot of time  and effort and it is a very challenging task for today's parents. A child does what comes naturally but being a good  parent is much more complicated.
      In a world with so many competing demands it has really become very hard for the parents to devote quality time towards parenting. As parents its our top priority to develop our child's character and to make them disciplined and thus we try to impose all the strict rules and routines. Discipline is very crucial while bringing up a child. It is very difficult to deal with as it demands consistency.
      Every child wants some reasonable boundaries and quality time from their parents.
      Although discipline is important in a person's life but before that we should always keep in mind, communication between a child and his parents plays a vital role in a child's life.
      So keeping into consideration the fast growing young generation instead of imposing hard and fast rules, as parents it should be our foremost duty to understand our child's point of view and spend some quality time with them so that we can make them understand the real values of life and have a friendly discussion with them rather than creating an image of strict parents in front of them.
      A lot of patience is required to deal with our kids. If our child asks something we should never be dismissive as this may grow frustration in them and they may stop sharing their feelings and emotions with us. We should always encourage them and make them a part of family discussions that concerns our child. While discussing options we should also talk about consequences.This builds up a strong bond between the child and his parents.
      Thus instead of being strict parents it's more important to be good friends for our child so that he can share each and everything happening in his life. Thus there should not be any space for anger and better understanding is very necessary for the proper upbringing of our child so that he can consider us as his role models

      1. profile image53
        frumpletonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Sounds very good, except for the part of "being a friend".  We aren't their friend.  We are parents, grandparents, etc.  I have a grandson who I get along with very well but he knows if he crosses the line, I'm telling his parents.,

    17. roselinsojan profile image59
      roselinsojanposted 7 years ago

      Love your son&say you are living for him.he will come back.sure.

    18. profile image57
      Maria Santaroseposted 7 years ago

      At 16 years old, every single teen wants to believe they know EVERYTHING. And often when they do not listen to their parents, it's because they feel that their parents also do not listen to them- Spiteful and hard headed like the rest of us. If he's leaving and not listening, treat him with sandwich parenting. Call him up; encounter him as you can. When he is ready or able to speak to you, tell him that you love him. Next, try to put yourself in his position and tell him you are trying to understand what he is going through. Then, tell him that you have been there and you were his age once. Show him what he's doing wrong and that you are the parent. You are placed in such a position to be in authority of your child. Tell him once more that you love him and you are for him. You are ready for him to take responsibility for what he is doing. It's a sandwich, because you give a compliment then direction and continue again with compliments. He will be closed off as usual, but it's like killing with kindness. He will have that gut feeling and he will know he's wrong. You will need to give him some time. When he comes back or when he is communicating better, treat him with some tough love. Parenting is never easy, but we here at hubpages believe you can do it.

    19. Stella Kaye profile image82
      Stella Kayeposted 7 years ago

      Threaten to let their room! Enough said.

    20. Matthew Woolsey profile image63
      Matthew Woolseyposted 7 years ago

      well he's not 18 call the cops ...he may hate you for it, but he'll be safe...

    21. Meethecardens profile image60
      Meethecardensposted 7 years ago

      I am not a parent yet but when i was a younger and not as bright..
      I was going through this rebellion stage and i told my father i didnt want to come home..because of certain issues.
      He said ok, you need to find somewhere else to live
      He actually made me sign a document stating i was leaving the house on my own accord.
      Tough love, but it worked!
      I came back the next day..

    22. Millionaire Tips profile image90
      Millionaire Tipsposted 7 years ago

      I don't know what your rules are, so I don't know if they are reasonable or  not, but as a foster parent and biological parent, I have some advice about making rules.  First, be sure that the rules are appropriate for the age of the child.  As the child gets older, you do want to be sure to give additional flexibility and responsibility. That way, he knows that he is not treated like a child.  The second is to explain to the child the reason for the rules.  I had the hardest time trying to get my daughter to call me if she was going to be late until I explained to her that I was worried about her and didn't know if she was fine until she called me.  She called ever since then, because she realized it wasn't that I didn't trust her.

    23. fpherj48 profile image60
      fpherj48posted 7 years ago

      Sorry to know you are facing this dilemma.  Raising teens is a complete adventure and not always pleasant.  I couldn't be happier this is all well behind me.
      It seems to me, your situation calls for a serious heart to heart talk with your son, perhaps in the presence of a family counselor for support & advice.
      Besides being concerned for your son's safety & well-being, in most ALL States, 16 is a "minor" and whether or not he resides with his parents, they are held responsible/"LIABLE.....should the child get into "legal" trouble.
      Of course this makes no sense when you consider that according to the law, a 16 year old cannot be FORCED to live at home.   Go figure.  Just another example of the crazy ways laws are written and enforced.

    24. louiseelcross profile image90
      louiseelcrossposted 7 years ago

      my son was the same at aged 16. Did not like the rules and then on his last day at school he refused to come home. He did not think rules applied to him. Whenever I asked him to pick up his clothes or put his plates in the sink he would say he was not my slave. It broke my heart when he refused to come back as I had been a single parent and had dedicated my life to him. For a couple of years it was horrendous because he was living with friends and doing drugs and his life was a mess. I could not force him home and could get no help from the police because he was aged 16. Ten years on and my son and I have a good relationship. He tells me that I was a good mum and that I taught him good values but he was a stroppy teenager. It has been a while since you wrote this and I can only hope you and your son are ok.

    25. Bakul Valambhiya profile image60
      Bakul Valambhiyaposted 7 years ago

      First of all I would like to say that it is really difficult to find a family in this situation. But let me tell you that whatever you are facing is home grown problem. When there is no space for a child's feeling and only expectation is to follow the rules, obey the rules, he or she will do such act.

      It is very difficult for us to accept as parent but I worked as counselor also and observed that a Teenager do such act to prove his or her unhappiness and also want to convey you that he or she is there in your life and you need to care for him or her.

      In most of the case parents ignore the feeling of child due to different reasons like conflict in husband wife relation, financial problem, over load busy schedule of parents in job or business etc. So the solution is there with you. Just inquire yourself that what went wrong? And try to correct the matter patiently. Ultimately he is your child and you know the best about his choices. And if you have any problem with his choices, express it to him in respectful gentle manner. I am sure that love wins!

      1. profile image53
        frumpletonposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        My son (who is always in jail) has ADHD.  He loves me and is worried that I'm going to croak before he gets out of yet, another jail.  A 19-year-old is old enough to know right from wrong and if they keep doing bad, there's not much u can do .

    26. profile image53
      frumpletonposted 7 years ago

      I have two sons.  One never gets into trouble and the other one is always going to jail.  I don't believe counseling is going to solve anything because it is up to the kid to smarten up.  It is not your fault.  You raise kids the best way you know how and sometimes, they just want to break the rules.  And when they do, they don't only affect their own life, they affect the rest of the members, too.  Maybe counseling is o.k. but it never worked for my son.  Don't blame yourself.  And if he doesn't want to come home (like mine used to be) tell him, "Good, go live somewhere else, then"

    27. MelangeSpace1 profile image46
      MelangeSpace1posted 7 years ago

      hmmm......here's what you do......call them and tell them you have a trust fund in their name worth over 50,000 and will not be giving it to them if they don't come back home right now...

      1. Thomas Armour profile image61
        Thomas Armourposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Lying to get your way, good idea-don't think so.this is not showing any form of moral guidance.

    28. Tina Cetrone profile image60
      Tina Cetroneposted 7 years ago

      Personally, I think that you are on the right track by reaching out. And you are reaching out because your every effort is failing your son and you are terrified of that. That might be why the problem could be you. Or how you present the rules to him. As parents, we all experience this at some point or other. When it gets to the point of grasping at straws to be a parent. While standing behind your rules. Just step back and review the whole situation from everyone's point of view. Then remember he is your son. You know him. Think  outside of the box to gain understanding of what.'s not working. Explain to him that the rules are good. That he should be glad for them. The rules are there to stay. Figure out how to get him to see your rules as an embrace from you. Remind him that you are not only his father but he is also your son. That he has a responsibility to care about you too. And there is no one to do right by either of you like each other. Ask him what is so attractive to him that keeps him from being timely responsible. Maybe he is indulging in something he doesn't want you to see in him. Maybe you should review the rules you have on his being intoxicated if it is keeping him away. Remind him that he is showing himself respect by being responsible and limiting his social time. My house was where after school happened and as chaotic as it was, I was glad I wasn't the one screaming at my kid for not going home. But I got to know the mindset of all of them and was able to make sure my kids were not getting missled by the dis functional ones. Maybe you could bring the attraction home so you could see for yourself what's going on. But no matter what you do or he does, just know that sooner or later you both will get through this and you will be fine.

    29. profile image52
      Ritesh Jainposted 7 years ago

      I am also a teenager and this is problem of our generation that we always try to break rules which our parents made for us. Reason behind it is lack of experience that we have you can also say it our immaturity. I will suggest you to talk to your son and share you good and bad experince and you need to be friendly with him otherwise he will get hurt.so be patient and hope you will make better relation with your son.Talk with him what changes he want .

    30. profile image53
      trishi 42posted 7 years ago

      Let them know that its hard to earn for living and have a own house..say him that you will stop his pocket money and internet expenses and also male him realize that if any accident occurs then you will not take any responsibilities. Better make a situation of helplessness for him which will force him to become dependent on parents. Just ignore them.dont pamper him .it will make him worse.I know its difficult to do as parents love their kids. But when he is not valuing you then you must change it as fast as you can.never loose your respect in front of your son..i hope this will help you.better play checkmate with him.

    31. Maple Labs profile image58
      Maple Labsposted 7 years ago

      Call the police ................immediately

    32. StephanieWeemhoff profile image63
      StephanieWeemhoffposted 7 years ago

      Focus on strengthening the relationship. Take him out for coffee or a donut, or McDonald's and chat. See if he won't let you in on what is going on in his life. If you can earn his trust, ensure your love for him, he may see those rules as protecting him rather than controlling him.

    33. profile image49
      hema67posted 7 years ago

      Thanks for the advice. I think Iam on the right track now. Its not easy though.

    34. clivewilliams profile image73
      clivewilliamsposted 7 years ago

      Leave them be. They understand the choices they make and everyone will learn from their mistakes. Rules are rules and when they grow to be adults and have kids that they care about they will do the same. But then again, he is a minor and you are responsible for his welfare. Give him the ultimatum, either he comes home or goes to a child's home.

    35. profile image52
      smatnewsposted 7 years ago

      There is no other way than love,care,prayer and wisdom..sometimes we parents lack understanding that even our children are human like us and we want to do it with force..yes it works when you have done your duty in their early age when they were two or more years old.Aside from that prayer and early training softening the teenager heart to have the fear of God.That is why the bible says we should train our children in the way of the lord when they are small so that when grow up they will not depart from obedient.You can only bend them when they are still small but once they got to the age of knowing Good and evil it takes the power of God to control them.At this point you need wisdom,love and prayer to bring her back to order otherwise she will grow wild.

    36. Omar Eldamsheety profile image75
      Omar Eldamsheetyposted 7 years ago

      I will go to him and listen to him till he says all what he wants to say and then I will discuss with him all his points till he come back with me home.

    37. noeylab profile image61
      noeylabposted 7 years ago

      When he does come asking for help he needs to know that he can reside under your roof as long as he obeys your rules..

    38. skellie profile image75
      skellieposted 7 years ago

      I need to put forward a perspective.
      As a teen I ran away many, many times and I can tell you from someone who has been there - there is something much deeper going on in your son's thoughts.
      Be strong and a bit of tough love does not hurt at all, don't cater to his eating habits and requests at a whim, don't allow him to call the shots and come in and out when he pleases but DO balance that with some meaningful conversation.
      Ask him questions and he will say over and over, that he does not want to talk. Eventually you will break through and there may be tears but you will get to the cause of the issue.
      I am not clear on your situation at home?
      Perhaps there has been a breakdown in the family unit or some other significant event that has happened in your son's life that you are unaware of.
      Just be patient and calm, he will come around!  smile

      The best of luck

    39. Sychophantastic profile image86
      Sychophantasticposted 7 years ago

      Ken, that is completely brutal. I have an 8-year-old who doesn't listen to me, so I can't imagine what you're going through.

      I know it's hard to remember, but the teenage brain still isn't fully developed and they aren't completely able to make rational decisions. In fact, if you read "NurtureShock", you may be surprised what this sort of expression of independence really means.

      Depending on how strict you are, I expect your son will discover that no matter where he goes, there are rules he has to follow. I think he's old enough where offering him a bit of flexibility might be the way to go. Say something like "you're old enough now that we can negotiate some of these rules" and sit down with him and come up with an agreement. Will he abide by the rules if he gets some input into what they are? If so, see if you can use it as a teachable moment on compromise. You compromise with him if he compromises with you. He gets more responsibility and you get more peace of mind.

      But maybe I'm dreaming and being too idealistic? Good luck!

    40. cmoneyspinner1tf profile image82
      cmoneyspinner1tfposted 7 years ago

      When you were 16, where did you live?  Some kids act like their parents were never kids and didn't have parents too!

      Don't know where you live but in Maryland, the legal age is 17 years old.  Where is your child?  Are they safe?  Are they staying with someone you trust?  Are they running the streets?  If they are going to be that rebellious then looks like you have to let them take care of themselves.  You might have to “legally emancipate” them so you don't have to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. 

      P.S.  What I'm telling you is NOT an easy thing to do.  Let them know if they decide to come back home that the door is open but the rules will still be the same and still be applied.  You're the parent and it's your house!  If they behave and play their cards right, one day it might be their house!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)