I’m not a parent, I’m a teenager. I’ve heard how hard it is to parent since there is no universal “right way” to do it. There are a lot of stupid articles out there on parenting, and I’m sure there are plenty of good ones too. There are tons of books written on the subject, probably even videos on youtube about it, and reality TV shows that talk about how they parent (*cough 19 kids and counting *cough). I’m sure the advice you’re about to read is true for all cultures and religions (both eastern and western) around the world, so read it up.
Never judge or shut down your child’s ideas on the world, what they want to do in the future job or travel wise, or why they see things the way they do no matter how old they are.
If you do, they’ll sneak and hide things from you for as long as they can. They’ll fear your judgement against them. That’s right, they’ll be afraid of you. It won’t make them see your way, it’ll just make them feel like you don’t love them enough to believe in them so they may start losing love for you (eventually, if you keep it up).
My parents have done this for years, and there are things I know I can’t talk to them about because they’ll shut down the ideas I have. I don’t have a strong connection with my parents or the rest of my family and don’t think family is all that important. Where has it gotten me? If I talk about my true dreams of the future they’ll think I’ve lost my mind. Do you want your children to fear you and think about cutting off all ties to the family someday?
I didn’t think so.
Well, I think some people took this the wrong way a bit. This isn't a cry for help from me. I do tell other people outside of my judgemental parents what my aspirations are and what I'll do to get there (can't live off of nothing).
Do you people honestly believe that your children will tell you everything they want to do in life if you tell them they'll never make it? If you tell them they'll never make enough money to do what they want to do before they get the chance to tell you about their new job, do you think they'll share that?
Okay, so maybe you say it once or twice. After a while your teenager will just stop including you in their decisions completely. Instead of talking to you about getting a new haircut they'll ask their teachers or nieghbors. Then get it alone without saying a word to you.
A conversation might go like this, "It looks like you got another letter from a college."
"Let me see...I made it in!"
"Art school! This is awesome!"
"Art school? I thought you wanted to be a lawyer."
"That was six months ago, but you kept lecturing me on how I'd never make it since it was so much money, so I've decided to go into artwork instead."
"No honey, you can go to school to be a lawyer if you want to!"
"Why didn't you just say so? I like art anyway, it'll be a nice carreer."
Sounds like you are learning some valuable life lessons that will help you become a better parent when it's time. Hang in there.
Your inability to see beyond your own nose is amazing. Albeit not that uncommon for a teenager. Your description of yourself as "sneaking,, hiding and losing love" is unfortunate. I hope you outgrow your petulance and develop nurturing adult relationships.
It's hard for parents to see their child fail. They probably think that your failure is their failure too. Maybe your parents is trying to insulate you from failure (which is a really bad parenting strategy).
I'm a mother of 3 grown daughters, 28, 24, 22. I would like to tell you just a few things that may help you. I raised my girls on my own, so all decisions whether good or bad, came from me. Children and teens have not experienced half of life yet. Your parents have. They fear for you and they fear that they will always make the wrong decisions. With each of my daughters, I discovered that not only were each one unique and needed to be loved and disciplined in seperate ways, but that patience plays a great role. It doesn't matter if I gave my life to my children, they can't understand the hurt thay can cause just by saying mean things or degrading them around friends or other people. However, as they grew and learned, so did I. I discovered that no one can walk another persons shoes until they have experienced it as well. You have not been that far in life yet, and one day you may see that your parent's intentions were what they believed to be best. At this time, if there is something you feel that you can't discuss with them, there are other people you can talk to. Counselors, friends, teachers, pastor (if in church) or maybe a close friend's parent. I would only hope that you show your parents respect if you wish to receive it from them. You are and will become only who you make yourself to be, If you believe your parents ways are injust, then don't follow in their footsteps in that area. When you are older, it won't matter if you made the mistake or your parents, your failures and accomplishments are created by you. No one can change that or take that from you.
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