What job and parenting advice would you give a SAHM going back to work?
After staying home for 2 years with my children I will be returning to the workforce (hopefully). What advice can you give to help get readjusted to the life of working while feeling horrible that a daycare will be raising my youngest child more than me? Any tips for making the transition easier?
Its always hard to leave your children but knowing they are in good hands helps with the transition. It will hurt very much the first few weeks especially if they cry when you leave them. If going back to work is a must then just know that quality time when you are home with them is a must. One on one and lots of love goes a long way.
To return to work outside or remain at home is a question many mothers face. Mothers usually return to paid work outside the home because they need the money, or they miss the imposed discipline of work outside the home, they are lonely and/or they believe they should exercise their talents or training. Some of these needs can be partly met without going out to work, although not always easily nor satisfactorily.
Apart from the practical considerations – coping with a new routine of a home , child (ren)and work – you may have feelings of guilt. And the guilt will not be eased if the attitude of those around you is in any way negative or critical. So grow an armour plated skin, and surround yourself with people who are positive, and helpful. Adding conflict to all the other emotions at this time will be destructive and an atmosphere of resentment or begrudging martyrdom is not a healthy environment for you or your family.
It’s impossible to over emphasise the importance of sound childcare arrangements – proceed with caution and have a back-up plan. Make sure that you undertake every conceivable check and then double check those checks. Once you have arrangement in place prepare yourself for the fact that your child will develop a special relationship with the carer. You may feel usurped in your child’s affections this is normal and most women get over this. A further factor here is separation anxiety on the child’s part. This is normal. If they are old enough to understand explain your intentions and do all you can to reassure. Children are resilient and grow out of this.
Have you thought about working from home – freelance sites provide many opportunities to earn a fair income if you have the kind of skills that are easy to provide remotely.
Giving your children individual and group quality time - regularly scheduled - with a range of lighthearted and fun activities will help to ease the loss they may feel. Extra treats that your income provides also helps to firm up in their minds that you're working for them too.
I wish you well – your health and contentment in your role, whatever that might be, is vital to the happiness of your children and indeed the whole family relationship. Please keep me updated on your progress.
All the best,
I would suggest to pursue what you were doing before motherhood, unless you already have other solid interest in mind. Transition is not easy but you will be able to go through it.
You can take special classes at nights or weekends to reconnect with the "changes" of your career. Being a mom have its strengths - like the ability to multi-task.
With regards to daycare, you have to be comfortable with the one you will choose (I'm not sure if you can see your child remotely from your computer). It should be near your work, if possible. Hope your company offers day care in the office :-)
I work as a child and family support worker and I often have to help mom's deal with this same situation. My best advise is to make sure you make special time for you child(ren) each day. Whether it's bath time, meal time, or a special bedtime tradition. The children will feel more connected to you if you can maintain these important and meaningful traditions.
Sometimes mom's who return to work get very overwhelmed and tend to lose sight of these important traditions and bonding opportunities with their children, which is when the situation can take a toll on a parent-child relationship. Also, make sure you ask your children how their day went while at daycare, this will help you feel more connected to their lives and what's going on when you are working. Best of luck!
If you absolutely have to go back to work for financial reasons, then the only thing you can do is to absolutely be there for them when you are home. Don't dismiss them because laundry has to be done or dinner cooked. Make giving them your utmost attention your top priority - which is difficult because each child will want your undivided attention--in that short time from when you come home and when they go to bed.
If you can put off going to work until they are in school, if there is any way, then I would suggest that. This time is so fleeting (she says in hindsight, having grown children) and it cannot be repeated and your time and attention is paramount in who they become as adults. You are, right now, living and creating their past - something they will dwell on, rely on, and look back on and share with their kids.
Being a working parent is so difficult and I wish you the very best.
I worked with my first child from 4 months, expressing and breastfeeding and working part time.
I found it quite stressful due to having to take sick days for my child, deal with the housework and workplace etc, and so I work from home now I've had my second.
My advice as a 60 year old grandmother would be to not leave your children for someone else to care for and teach unless it is absolutely necessary. I never left my children and neither has my daughter who is now the mother of teenagers. She once said that when all is said and done and if a mother is asked at the end of her life, "Concerning your children, if you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?" The answer would never be, "I wish I had stayed away from them more than I did." In the blink of an eye your children will be grown. We aren't given do-overs. If it's at all possible, cut corners financially and give them 100% of yourself. I speak from a christian perspective and am a firm believer in non-surrogate child rearing and home schooling.
Make sure you have visited the daycare while it is running and feel completely comfortable with the employees and the environment. Call the better business bureau to see if they have ever received complaints. Talk to your neighbors and friends and community members to find a daycare with a great reputation. A Daycare can be a very positive part of a child's life if they are quality. Do not hesitate to pull your child out of a daycare that is not providing proper care and nurturing.
I think you shouldn't stress about it , you'll see once you start it wasn't as difficult as you thought it would be.
Transtions are KEY to success!! Both for you AND for your children! Talk about what is happenng and what might be difficult! Brainstorm ideas for ways to make them easier! Plan ahead and prepare. Know what to expect and how to deal will make things easier for all of you! if your children are very small, then plan lots of "Mommy time". Set up routines for them with bathtime, bedtime, meals, and good-byes. Practice leaving them by setting up time with someone else while you get groceries. This will help them understand that you WILL return and help you get through the first tears with only a short time before you return. Choosing a daycare that supports your relationship with your child will help! There are daycare providers that will send parents pics and videos of their child's cuteness! They are out there....if you find one, then the entire transition will be easier for you and your children! Good luck and God bless!
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