Spanking as a form of discipline
The are many parents who believe that corporal punishment is necessary for successful child rearing. Is that true? Or is spanking another form of child abuse?
Spanking is definitely not child abuse. "Spare the rod and spoil the child". However, there are some sad circumstances where "tough" parents over do it. E.g beating a child with a belt or leaving marks on them. For a kid, a little slap on the wrist should suffice.
Corporal punishment is not necessary in raising children successfully. There are other forms of discipline such as, reducing pocket money, grounding, standing in a corner etc.
I don't think that it's necessary for successful child rearing because I was spanked in the worse way when I was a child and it only mase me angry and resentful. I have four children and I may have only spanked them about 3 times in their life/Their ages are 17,16,14,12.Of course kids are going to be kids and mine were bad in their own way,but who isn't.I think spanking kids just allows you to relieve your anger.
Many parents know their children well enough to know which forms of discipline their children respond to. If it takes spanking to bring a lesson to light, it should be the parents right to make that decision. All children are not the same. Certainly, there is a difference between spanking and beating a child, but that's not the question, is it? I believe it's a dangerous path to walk when the abuse label hangs over a parent for trying to keep a child from dashing into the street.
Sometimes spanking becomes absolutely necessary. A part of a child’s growth is to test the boundaries of acceptable behavior. The child pushes an issue as far as it can go. To get it to understand, reasoning and yelling are the normal steps taken by parents. Beyond this, when the child does it again, spanking, unfortunately is the viable solution. Reasoning should immediately follow, to let the child know what brought the spanking. A very demonstrative show of love, next, will reassure the child that its crossing the limit and not hatred, caused the spanking.
No, spanking is not child abuse as long as it is done as a last resort to discipline the child.
The word discipline means to teach and train, so it has to do with learning. So discipline is implemented for the good of the child, to help them learn the difference between right and wrong, and to teach them how to make good choices. When you think of child discipline in this way, child abuse is at the opposite end of the scale has nothingto do with child discipline.
Spanking can be used as a form of discipline,as with other methods, however I think that it should be used in extreme circumstances. If used frequently, a child is likely to conclude that physical violence as an acceptable way of dealing with situations.
If a parent feels that spanking is the only alternative left as a consequence, as all else has failed then I would say that spanking should be done when the parent has calmed down, and the reason for its use explained to the child. Spanking should never be done in anger, and only used for exceptional circumstances .
There are plenty of alternative ways to discipline kids effectively, and if these are used properly spanking should not even be needed.
Spanking, if done improperly can be child abuse. There are many variables that need to be taken into account when a parent makes the decision whether to use spanking as a form of discipline. This is such a loaded question, that I believe I will take the time to write a hub of my own on this particular subject.
For you psychology buffs out there who believe that all spanking is child abuse and you want to sit down and reason with them is kind of like trying to reason with a drunk. It isn't going to happen. One only need to visit our public schools to see what happens when discipline and authority is taken out.
There are children who should never be spanked. What I am talking about here is children in adoptive homes who have truly been the victim of child abuse. It takes a very special, patient and loving family to help these children cope and learn to trust.
Do not spank in anger. A child must first of all know that spanking is a consequence for certain behavior. It should not be done for every infraction, but rather very infrequently and for extremely bad behavior. Before you spank, you should camly take the child into another room alone and ask them why they are about to receive a spanking. If they don't give the correct response then you tell them so they have no doubt why the spanking is being imposed. Let's say for example they broke something very valuable that you had told them to leave alone and their answer was that they were getting a spanking for breaking whatever that might be. You'd say, no, your aren't getting a spanking for breaking that, you are getting a spanking because you disobeyed me by handling it in the first place. You breaking it was part of the consequences of not doing what you were told. Spanking should always be on the buttocks and should not be a beating, but should be severe enough to bring discomfort that normally would cause tears. Finally, and I know that this will throw a lot of you for a loop, you should hug your child, tell them you still love them, and get down and pray, yes I said pray with them.
I'm going to be the bad guy here and say there is no reality of discipline through spanking a child!
If you want to teach your children how to be violent and insensitive then go on, spank away! See, we as adults are much Bigger than kids and an angry adult is frightening enough for a child much less a child being whacked for doing the wrong thing.
I am a mother of seven and I am proud to say that the only physical thing my kids get are hugs kisses and a ride on my back or shoulders. My kids are well behaved and kept under control. I am a strict parent a very strict parent in fact and I take no nonsense.
I take pride in saying there are ways to help your child learn from mistakes and to do it without even raising your voice. Rather than a whimsical slap, wherever on their fragile little bodies.
Time out is a wonder if used properly. My seven year olds get told to take the garbage out (which little girls HATE) or to clean the cat litter tray. My boys are told to wash things or bring in the wahing.
Another thing I implement is the revocation of "screen time" which means no tv or computer time for however long.
Above all telling your child that their actions or behaviours is unacceptable is the key. Trust me when I say there are MANY other ways to discipline your child and maintain your "authority" without the use of physical anything.
This is one of those questions that, in my opinion, there are no clear right or wrong answers. Before I had children I vowed that I never would spank my kids, what could it teach them except that their mother hits? Well now that I have three kids and love and care for them more than I ever imagined I could before they were born the anwser for me is this: sometimes there is not other option to get my point across. Some would argue that if I were more intellegent then I could find a way to teach them without a spanking. I agree. I also try to disipline my children as oppose to punish despite this even I find it nessasary to spank occasionally. I think that spanking can be child abuse if done in anger, or to much. I also think that at a certian age it should stop like eight or nine. Ideally it should never happen but if you do it because you really feel like nothing else will get through, and while in compleat control of yourself and your emotions then it is not child abuse either.
It is a matter of choice. I personally do not believe in spanking in the true sense of the work. I think it's demeaning and serves no beneficial purpose and has taught your child that hitting is a form of authority. Boundaries need to be clearly defined and consequences understood. When the child crosses the boundaries, the appropriate natural consequence should be enforced. 'Spare the rod, spoil the child' does not mean to literally use a rod. It is an orientalism and refers to keeping your child in line, as the shepherd used the rod to steer his sheep.
My child psychology professor put it well: "You tell a child you love them, then *smack*. Don't do that, you'll get hurt, *smack*." Eventually some, though certainly not all, kids put together the idea that you love me so *smack*. The problem with spanking is that it is frequently misused, and can develop into serious abuse later on.
But there are other ways to discipline your child. Get creative.Limit them from activities. Restrict them to certain tasks. And most importantly, spend time with them, showing them how to act and do things. They learn from watching us, so make sure your behavior is what you want them to learn.
Um lets see here if a person comes up to you on the streets and bends you over and spanks you you could call the cops and they could go to jail so why would it be any different to do that to a child. they don't know any better your there to teach them right from wrong but doing wrong is not gonna teach them right . i know its hard i have a child and something im like ah but i always just tell him no and why he can't do it. children are small you have to remember that your minds are small to they are trying to understand the world around them and why and what is happening if you don't teach them what is going on and why there are things that are wrong and right they won't know. spanking them will just make the have built of feelings towards you you don't want your child to think of you as the person that would hurt them parents are there to protect there child not hurt them.
I am 25 years old and do not have children of my own yet however after working with children for 7 years I have come to realize that spanking children teaches them nothing.
I was spanked when I was a kid and growing up always swore I would probably spank my own children. I don't think spanking is child abuse however I do ask that if you spank your children you take this into consideration:
At 2 years old children still can't think that far back, so if they did something and the problem isn't addressed within the first 5 minutes, the child probably forgot they committed any sort of "crime." Second, children learn by example, no matter their age, right? Ok, so think about that, if you get mad at your child for something they did and instead of talking to them or sitting them down to think about their action you spank them (which in reality is hitting them), what do you think they learn....to hit when they are mad.
I noticed this problem in my classroom, parents who believed in spanking their children as the number one form of punishment in the home had children who "spanked" their classmates when they felt angry and frusterated. Parent's who spoke to their children about the problem immediately after it's accurance, had children who came to the teachers and spoke about their problem instead of using aggressive behaviors to act out on.
Just some food for thought
SPare the rod spoli the child is taken out of context. The extreme religious right has given spanking a bad name recently, The take it to mean a literal rod. True all kids need some kind of disclipline sometimes. Too much , not enough or the wrong kind can be a problem. Dr.Spock caused quiet the stir saying dont spank and look where it got us.
I feel sorry for the poor teachers in school who can not discipline kids without hearing from parents or school board. Even parents cant disciline children without CPS on them. If they act out of ontrol and violent you cant do anything back to them which is sad. I read here in a nearby town a 14 year old autistic, 200 pounds, student attacked a bus driver and he got permanent marks from biting. Autistic or not you should be able to defend yourself. One school use a seclusion closet the only one of tis kind. It gives them a chance to calm down without being a threat to other students..Spanking if used wisely may correct some behviors but hsouldnt be misused.
Spanking definitely has its place as a form of discipline. Students from Singapore, Japan or Korea are always tops in most of the international contests, and therefore considered among the brightest. Ask their parents about no-spanking. How about caning! And most of the U.S. kids - Do they really understand what discipline is?
People say "kids being kids". Right. So treat them like kids before they grow up. Until then, much tough love is needed.
There may be situations where a form of spanking is beneficial. Perhaps if a poisonous insect has landed on the child and it is necessary to swat it. In most cases it just doesn't make sense. Anger and fear don't equal respect. Proponents of corporal punishment always quote the verse from Proverbs in their defense. As RebekahELLE explained, "spare the rod", isn't suggesting that you should hit the child with a stick. The literal translation of a "rod" refers to a method of guidance with discretion. For instance, the shepherds staff example. One of the conditions that is often paired with spanking is that you should never do it when angry. Seriously, how many parents are going to wait until they're nice and calm before hitting the child?
well my children gets their privilges taken away first.then its time out if that dont work.spanking is the last thing i do.i like to try different things first.
To define spanking as corporal punishment is outrageous! Beatings are the true problem. The difference between spanking and beating is not a thin line. Beatings are done out of frustration and anger, leaving a child feeling self concious and demeaned. A spanking grabs a childs attention and let's them know that what they have done is wrong. A spanking is a swift swat on the rear, letting them realize, "hey that was really bad." I do think it is something that should be used after all else fails. Lots have made statements here regarding the bible verse about "spare the rod, spoil the child." Prov 29:15 says "the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Someone please tell me how this is taken out of context for Christians who believe and live by the bible's words. God is a loving God. We as parents need to take the word and utilize it's principals. This is an act of love. Discipline is love. Our job as parents are defined by raising an upstanding citizen and a respectful individual. Have you seen the product of our now "spanking is child abuse" society. Volunteer at a school, any school you choose, and you will see how disrespectful and defiant kids have become. That's not to say there are no good kids anymore, of course there are. I guarantee you that those children are spanked!!!! If not, the parents are very blessed to not have to use spankings as punishment, for they have an extraordinary child. I didn't have to spank my first son hardly ever. He was a wonderful child who knew that no meant no. My two younger children are a little more stubborn, and need further correction. It's just a fact of life. Sometimes spanking is vital. When a parent does it with anger that is when it can become abuse. Utilized properly it does not harm a child's psyche in any way, shape, or form.
I do not like spanking children, but I must confess that it is often a very effective way to discipline children. Not all respond well but generally it works. The sharp pain of a mild spanking is enough to make a child realise that he has done wrong. I spanked my children (a long time ago) and it worked. They quickly learned how to avoid the "pain". Do as you are told etc. My daughter in law likes the time out method, and has a very undisciplined child as a result. You have to use what works. Belting a child to submission is not on. One or two quick spanks should do the trick.
It is a sad state of affairs when we have given power to other people by giving them a paycheck to tell us we cannot discipline our children. More harm has been done to America's families by child protective services than any other form of community in our history. Neighbors holding one another Accountable is a more humane and effective way of handling "child abuse". Spanking a child for disciplinary reasons is not abuse. The definition of abuse has been tweaked to train our children to shout "abuse" for everything that keeps them from having their own way. It is an Act of Love by that parent to instill self-discipline in their child. The Message from a spanking, "you have hurt your parents and pushed them to a point of having to discipline you by being disrespectful, placing yourself in a harmful situation or not listening when the rules of life were explained". Most children will learn quickly that they do not want to hurt their parents, because they love them.
You know, it would be interesting to be a fly on the wall of the homes of workers from child protective services...
Spanking is a form of discipline, but it often comes when the parents or adult is so angry, he or she is unable to do it with love.
The child has already passed the boundary of obedience, and the last resort is the spank, which then ends up being a beating.
Spanking should happen when a child defies his parents or other authority, lies, steals, maliciously hurts another child or defenseless person. The child should know that a spanking will be administered for these actions, and should expect it.
Usually, the parent should stop and have a quick discussion with the child before the spank, if the child is old enough to understand, otherwise, the spank comes quickly after the action.
Usually, the child cries, and this is a good time for a hug.
Sometimes, the child is even more defiant, then he or she needs to be left alone for a period of time, long enough for time to think, and in a place where there are no distractions. Mom's chair in the livingroom, for example.
After a good amount of time passes, the parent needs to bring up the question - why do you think I spanked you? and then he or she needs to explain if the child is not able to express an answer.
I tend to spank once or twice, hard, and with a spanking stick.
A little bruise or stripe will not last long. But the lesson learned will stay with him or her for a long time.
And will say, I love you so much, I am going to give you a way for you to remember this all your life.
It's reactive versus preventive type of parenting. Wouldn't it be best to take measures and pre-empt discipline episodes from happening? Teachers do not spank and they still get attention and respect. Here are some of tricks they use:
Fully agree with the saying that "Spare the rod and spoil the child"!!!
Research shows that spanking actually educates children to use acts of violence and aggression to resolve their problems. This study also shows children who have been spanked tend to be more susceptible to low self-esteem and depression. However, when it comes to the situation, usually we don't like to spank the child but we don't know what else to do. Few alternatives we can do like leave the situation, be calm, give choices and do make-up. Must try our best to avoid spanking our children
Im going to say it and i know few of you parents won't lie it but hey oh well skip over mine.
When i was a little kid, my mother did the spanking thing, but also the time out thing. It wasn't every day i got a spanking. i help raise my 4yr old nephew , and i spank him not every second or every day usually its time out or my threatening mother tone "go sit down on that couch , before i give you a spanking. usually that works..but seriously spanking isnt abuse im sorry if you disagree, but that's what makes us all different.
I think spanking can be an important discipline, and there are times when it's necessary. Not doing so can lead to a child growing up to becoming spoiled and getting used to having everything they want.
Well, like others have mentioned, sometimes there are parents who may go overboard and lead to child abuse. That's wrong too, so I think parents have to have some prudence for themselves when they discipline their children.
Rather than spanking a child when they lose their temper and blow up, probably it's better for parents to calm down a bit first. Parents who don't do so may be needing to teach themselves some personal discipline first...
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by Davinagirl3 10 years ago
I always said I would spank my children, if necessary. I was spanked as a child, but not excessively. I can remember 2 or 3 times. Now that I have a child, I am not so sure. What do you think? Are children receiving the discipline they need, lately? Are we, as...
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