Spanking

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   Parents are divided on the issue of spanking.   While some believe in its merits, others are totally aghast at the prospect of using corporal punishment on their children.     What is your opinion regarding using spanking as a form of discipline?

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      A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Spanking isn't a form of discipline, it is a from of barbaric punishment from a parent who didn't teach their children about discipline.

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         allenk91posted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I have to strongly disagree with that. I have been putting my child in the corner, time out, taking things away, and taking away privilages since he was about one year old. That doesnt mean that he is so strong willed that he listens to me all the time or is nice all the time. A swift swat (not spank) on the butt gets his attention when all else fails.

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      lifegamerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      In all of Nature, outside of human, there is quick & efficient means of expressing disapproval of a behavior...a growl, a pinch of an ear or scruff, a swat, or a bite, or a 'time out' away from protection & society.  But, these are intended for Survival Only...not just of student, but of the family they are part of.  Funny, they have worked well...Normally, in Nature, one is hardly ever reprimanded for the same infraction twice.
      
      Unfortunately, human intent is not for survival, but rather control...and We tend to be excessive with that intent in most of our doings...Obviously, not working well, but also shows how hard-headed & heavy-handed we can be in our lust for such.  We do not discipline/guide...rather, we intimidate/mold.
      
      Funny, but most adults do not possess Self-control, let alone imagine that they are justified to demand this of another...go figure that Littles do not listen to such non-sense & hypocrisy!  I know I didn't, & even a belt did not change my mind.
      
      It would be nice for humans to See themselves as 'Guides of Futures' instead of owner-operators of Littles just because they deem themselves as Bigs.
      
      Perhaps, because Family & survival of that element has been defiled...Look at how we now throw away our Elders...forgetting that we, too, will be tossed as old baggage in short time...All that experience & wisdom chucked, too.(?)  Arrogant & sad is this primitive state we have down-graded ourselves to.
      
      idk...gm.  I suppose it breaks down to 'intent of the matter'.  Blessed be & Good Journey!

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2. 68

   Pearldiverposted 11 years ago

   A lot of couples have gained gratification from spanking for I'm sure, as long as there have been couples.. of course it's not everybody's choice, but I don't agree with including children in the occasion, in any circumstances...

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3. 75

   brimancandyposted 11 years ago

   I think that taking away punishment of children with spanking, is taking away a child's fear of being in trouble when they do something wrong. I have worked around many children, and have constantly heard  soccer moms yelling at their kids for being naughty. And, the reply is always. "What you going to do? Send me to my room, make me stand in a corner, take away my video games? Yeah that will work."
   Because the kids know that type of punishment is only temporary, and does no harm to them at all. They also know that any grounding is going to be lifted out of their parents guilt. Kids are a lot smarter these days, and they know how to work their parents to get what they want.
   
   I actually had a little boy kicking his mother at my cashier lane, because she would not buy him ice cream. She just stood there and let him repeatedly kick her. So, I said. Knock it off, this is my spot, and you don't kick people in my spot, especially your mother. So, the little boy says. "She's not my mom she's my step mom, and I'll kick her if I want to." I said, well, you lucky your not my step kid, because I would turn around a whip your ass." He turns and looks at me me and says "OH I'm so scared!" From an 8 or 9 year old kid. And, she says. "He's going straight to his room when he gets home." And, he says. "hurray! I'll my toys are there. I can play in my room all day."
   
   Then she says. "You'll be in your room until your father gets home. Then he will decide what to do with you from there." And he sits down on the floor. "Then I'm not leaving." This old lady is watching all this, sitting in a motorised cart, and she says to the lady. "Sorry, but if he is still sitting on the floor when I want to check out. I'm going to run the little brat over. So he better move it!! And, she looks at the kid, and says, and I do mean it. Lucky your not my grandkid. I'd whip your behind! Then the kid was scared.
   
   And, the mom smiles.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Priceless story!  LOL when I got to the woman in the motorized cart - good for her!

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4. 92

   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   I have 3 children and I do NOT spank them. My first lesson was when my oldest was 3 and his baby brother was 1. He walked up to my 1 year old and popped him on the head. In the heat of the moment I grabbed him by his arm and told him not to hit then swatted him on the butt. He looked at me and said "but you hit me". We later found out that he has Asperger's. If I were to spank him it would do nothing but cause more mental issues.
   My children are loved, last I checked we shouldn't hit those that we love. I have not so much as popped my children since that day with my oldest and feel bad about the few swats he recieved at that age. There is nothing I found that can't be taught in a different way. Spanking is the ignorant easy way out for parents who don't want to take the time to teach their children proper behavior but instead want to hit proper behavior into them. I would rather have children who were good because they knew it was the right thing to do than have children who are only good out of fear.
   

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      msperfecthealthposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I completely agree!!!

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      1. 84

         gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Children never learn to be good because of fear.   It is a false bravado that disappears once the "authority figure" is gone.    The scenario is similar to an obsessive disciplinarian teacher in the classroom.   The students behave while he/she is there; however, once he/she leave the classroom, all havoc breaks loose.     Also parents who discipline out of love(no spanking, just educational corrective discipline), have children who are inner directed, mature, and thoughtful.    Parents who spank their children have children who eventually hate and/or fear them.   Such children will never be inner directed regarding their discipline, they will always be outer directed.

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5. 60

   paradigmsearchposted 11 years ago

   For serious...
   
   As I have personally witnessed...
   
   Spanking is not a form of violence when done properly. Yet, it still communicates directly to the subconscious of the child. Which really is the only way to communicate up to a certain age.
   
   What is properly? Again, serious. I've seen this. Whack, whack with hand. Not belt or paddle. When done this way, it is an action that communicates, not an infliction of undue pain.
   
   Just my thoughts...

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      A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Teaching children about discipline rather than spanking them effectively accomplishes much more.
      
      "The evidence against spanking is overwhelming. Hundreds of studies all come to the same conclusions:
      
      1. The more physical punishment a child receives, the more aggressive he or she will become.
      2. The more children are spanked, the more likely they will be abusive toward their own children.
      3. Spanking plants seeds for later violent behavior.
      4.Spanking doesn't work.
      
      Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. In the past thirty years in pediatric practice, we have observed thousands of families who have tried spanking and found it doesn't work. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases. Spanking doesn't work for the child, for the parents, or for society. Spanking does not promote good behavior, it creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society."
      
      http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discip … your-child
      
      
      
      Talking to a child is the most effective form of communication at any age. By your logic, we should only use various forms of physical contact to communicate with children.

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      Marisa Wrightposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      +1
      
      I wish people would stop talking about spanking and instead talk about "a smack".  Spanking can mean anything from a single brisk smack of the hand to a brutal beating with a cane.  I would never advocate the latter, but I think it's a great shame people are afraid to do the former.
      
      I see children throwing tantrums and misbehaving everywhere.  In the old days, a single brisk smack - not too hard - would be enough to shock the child into silence and stop the behaviour.   And - this is the important part - most children don't need to be smacked more than once or twice in their whole life.  After the first couple of times, the knowledge that there could be a consequence to their action is enough.
      
      Nowadays the parent has no way of getting the child under control, other than threatening future punishment or offering treats.  Young children aren't very good at thinking into the future, so a future punishment seems so far away it has little effect. Offering treats to distract the child is effectively rewarding them for bad behaviour.
      
      I have a friend whose second boy, Dean, was an uncontrollable nightmare from the moment he could toddle.   She was beside herself, because her first boy is a quiet and well-behaved.  She tried everything, then one day in desperation she gave him a smack when he was naughty.  Just one smack, and not hard.  It worked like a charm.  He's a very smart little boy, and that one smack was enough to tell him his mother was serious.  He's been a reformed character since - still cheeky and pushing the envelope, but not uncontrollable any longer.

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         paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         How are you and "N" getting along these days?

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         Cardisaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with Marisa. A beating is different from a spanking. The term spanking is too general and may imply more serious beatings. I think it's okay to slap the child but not beat the child. Even adults, when hysterical need a smack to shock them back to normal.

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            A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            So, spanking and smacking people around is your answer to things. How sad.

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            psycheskinnerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Actually smacking 'hysterical' people is effective only in movies, general those from an age where a good smack solves most problems with emotional females.
            
            I mean, think about it, a person is having a panic attack--so you hit them?

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6. 84

   justateacherposted 11 years ago

   As I have said before, there is a difference between discipline and abuse. I agree with paradigmsearch, a spanking for discipline would be a simple whack, whack with your hand on the bottom of a misbehaving child. I also know that just the threat of having to go find a switch for my own bottom was probably worse punishment than the whack across the bottom with that switch.
   
   The other day, a student came up to me and told me his mama had beat him. Concerned teacher that I am, I asked him to tell me about his beating. He told me his mama had taken off her flip flop and smacked him on the bottom with it.He thought I should call child protective services. I asked him what he had done to deserve such treatment. He said he called his mama a "lazy bitch" because she wouldn't get up and get him a soda from the fridge. I told him he was lucky he got off so lightly....and that I would not be calling CPS...

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      A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Really? He got off lucky? Should the mother have used a blunt instrument, instead?
      
      Funny, how you failed to notice what the parents have been teaching their child how to behave, to the point where the child calls the mother names and the mother resorts to beating the child.
      
      Did you even ask yourself what led to this behavior? Do you see this entirely being the child's fault? Can you not see an obviously dysfunctional family there requiring a whole lot more therapy than just calling CPS?

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      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Back in the day(I am not condoning corporal punishment, in fact, I thoroughly DETEST it), that child would be getting up off the floor for uttering such a remark.

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7. 0

   ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

   Spanking even , would be far better than the absolute uncontrolled behavior of most children today !  Parents allowing kids to essentially run free anywhere drives me nuts . You've seen it in supermarkets , in schools , doctors offices and  restaurants .  On the streets   or in back yards  , No spanking? ...fine , but no discipline  is just moronic !  No values , no disciplines , either personal  or familial are ruining our culture . I like the old way better !

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      Mark Knowlesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed. Bring back slavery and whipping.
      
      Well done you brave one you. Saying it like it is.

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      A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      What values does one instill in a child when firmly contacting their butt with their hand?
      
      Inquiring minds want to know.

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         paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         It's actually a psychological thing, not physical.
         
         Really. I've seen this.

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            A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Yet, despite what you allegedly have seen, there are no studies whatsoever that support your observation. Nor, is there really any way you would know that unless the person underwent psychological evaluation before and afterward.

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               paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Alleged!?! You rascal!

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      Kathryn LJposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Why don't you bring back legal wife beating whilst your at it?  They might address the problems of the decline of traditional marriage.  You could bring back stoning (for adulterous women obviously) that's one way to enshrine the old values.  But it all starts with the kids and beating them into submission produces model citizens doesn't it?  I mean,  in the good old days whacking somebody a fraction of your size ensured anti-social behaviour was kept to a minimum, right?

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8. 60

   paradigmsearchposted 11 years ago

   WOW! I think this is a communication issue.

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      Kathryn LJposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Communication via the medium of common assault apparently

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         paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I disagree. Agree as to religion forums. So far, not here yet.

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9. 66

   2uesdayposted 11 years ago

   A parent needs to be more intelligent than the child or at least capable of acting that way, for most of its childhood. It also helps to be aware and to accept that one day the child may be more intelligent, educated and larger than the parent.

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      paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, that is the hopeful norm.

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10. 84

    justateacherposted 11 years ago

    So this child should have therapy - and the family, too - because he is a brat and needs to learn respect? I don't believe so. I know this child well and have worked with family for quite some time because of older siblings - who are mostly well behaved. This child is the youngest in the family and has been spoiled... Some of my students and families need therapy for many things - this particular child has already learned how to work the system and knows that a threat to call CPS will make his mother back off from disciplining him at all.
    
    If spanking is not allowed, then what form of discipline should be used? Talking works with children who are already well behaved. Sending a child to his room in today's society is nearly the same as sending him or her to an amusement park or video arcade...so what is the solution?
    
    I'm not trying to argue - just looking for what would be a good solution...

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    1. 84

       gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Justateacher, you have made some EXCELLENT points.

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       peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       justateacher There are many things that work. I have 3 children who are well behaved (as much as children can be). My children do have lots of fun stuff in their room, BUT if they are being punished the TV is unplugged and the toy box comes out. There are many other ways of stopping problems before they start. Touch control, humor, redirection, and positive reinforcment work wonders. On top of that teaching children basic respect for you pretty much stops a large amount of things before they ever start.
       Another issue in the world is many parents expect their child to be perfect. Children fuss, they have sibling fights, they don't always do exactly what they are told. They are learning what their expectations are. There is nothing wrong with that so long as they have a positive parental role to steer them in the right direction.

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          cardeleanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Therein lies the problem.  Too many parents want to take the easy way out and not teach their children basic respect on any level.  It takes a lot of hard work and many parents today don't want to do it.  I see it every day when I go to work as a teacher.  All of the wonderful things that you suggest I do with my own children.  I don't think that the problem with the disrespectful youth that we have today has to do with spanking or not spanking.  I think that it has to do with setting limits with children and following through with them.  I get to 'two' with my own children and they are running up the stairs to their rooms for a time out.  Not because they are afraid that I will spank them, but because they know their consequence will be more severe if they don't go now.  These are all things that need to be started at a young age.  Parents and children need to understand their roles and follow them.  Having said all of that, I also am not opposed to an occasional swat on the butt.  I think that there sometimes is a need for it.

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             gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             Cardelean, great point you made.

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             peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             I agree with most of that. Far too many people blame the problems with our youth on a lack of spanking when that is not the problem. The only real problem is parents who don't actually parent. I think many see the solution to a bad child is spanking when all they need is a little parenting. We get so busy in life that children often miss out on important lessons. I don't see spanking as the answer, just parenting.

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11. 91

    habeeposted 11 years ago

    Sometimes a pop on the hand or butt is an effective way to teach toddlers to stay away from things that could really hurt them.
    
    I rarely spanked two of my kids, but I did spank the middle one. It didn't work with her. I was spanked sometimes when I was a kid. Spanked - not abused, and I'm a very nonviolent person. My kid-spanking days are over now, as I never spank the grandkids.

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       Marisa Wrightposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Hurrah, that's exactly what I'm talking about.  A "pop on the hand or butt" isn't going to scar any child for life, and it's highly effective.  It's a pity that the hysteria about spanking has scared parents away from this simple method of discipline.

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          freecampingaussieposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          So true - So many children would be better behaved if they had a smack when needed - They are getting out of control with the lack of discipline these days

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    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    Oh my God , now I truely know whats wrong with the lack of moral conformity in america . NO !  we don't need conformity in all ways  but moral , ethical and yes even disciplinary conformity , sure couldn't hurt our shattered  culture today !   And you idiots who compare discipline with abuse .........should be slapped around a little .Period !

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       paradigmsearchposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       From another thread... To my detriment, you have my attention.

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       peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       ahorseback, do you think a child must be hit to be disciplined?

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       Pearldiverposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Yee... Haa!!!  Bring Back the Horse!!! 
       
       I got my butt caned many times for getting lippy to grown ups and winding up teachers, who I, in my teenage wisdom used to consider to be at least a third sex, for being so detached from what I Wanted!
       
       And it made me respect a little more about what I needed to know about appreciating others and not pushing My Wants on others! 
       
       It was Not considered by any of us as being Abuse... it was about knowing the boundaries!  Many kids have no idea what that means - Many parents have no idea how to communicate what it means!
       
       I raised my kids without any need whatsoever to hit, slap or verbally abuse them... I only had to glare at them if they crossed the household boundaries and that was enough for them to respect the entire meaning of their action... none of this 'sit in the corner' crap! That just shows the inability of the adult to communicate effectively!
       
       To raise your kids to be productive and successful, one must have self esteem and thus be able to help develop self esteem in one's children... That can not be done when both parties have no idea how to set boundaries and to endorse the respect of them, in a mature and realistic manner, supporting the objective of raising productive and successful kids!   There are no shortcuts on that! Unless, the objective is abandoned or allowed to be compromised, for whatever reason! Then the kids win and the parent(s) is the loser... completely!
       
       Thoughts on this issue vary... for several reasons, including the age and cultural differences between the posters... It is highly insulting to anyone disagreeing with a 'no slapping' policy, when pathetic and incredibly emotionally immature statements are made that those disagreeing, are merely condoning child abuse or assault!  No One on the subject here is!  In my view, that very action in itself, provides suitable evidence of a far greater need for some to re-introduce a Respect process into human pups, in perhaps a similar manner, to that used by a canine bitch! 

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    Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years ago

    Another brat story:
    
    Several years ago, I returned from a business conference on the same weekend (end of July) when all the kids from divorced families fly back from a month of eating candy & going to amusement parks with Dad. The plane was full of kids - had their been an emergency, I'm sure every adult would have frantically tried to help the huge number of kids evacuate.
    
    Anyway, there were no kids in my row, but the row behind had a brother & sister returning home & another business traveler, who tried to make polite conversation with the kids - how old are you, etc.  The boy was 11 years old.
    
    Once the plane was in the air, that kid kicked the back of my seat and flipped the tray up and down for several hundred miles. The man tried a few times to suggest maybe he shouldn't do that, but the little troll kept banging my seat, etc. Finally, after more than an hour, I got up on my knees & turned around and glared down at him - "HOW OLD ARE YOU??"
    
    He shrunk down in his seat & said, "Eleven . . ."
    
    "Then ACT like it, or I'm going to get the flight attendant and have you kicked off the plane."
    
    He was quiet as a mouse for the rest of the flight.

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    Kathryn LJposted 11 years ago

    Can I just say that when I first saw the title of this thread, I thought it was of a 50 shades of grey nature.  Imagine my disappointment.

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       freecampingaussieposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I did wonder myself ha ha !

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          gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Ladies, we cannot get into that.   Forum policy to KEEP IT CLEAN, REMEMBER.   Wish that we could discuss more adult topics but alas......NO!

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    Sally's Troveposted 11 years ago

    Have any of you stopped to think how spanking is a totally humiliating experience to a child? An experience that has a life-long negative impact?
    
    If adults have to resort to spanking in order to control a child's behavior, then they've missed how to raise a child in the first place.

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    A Troubled Manposted 11 years ago

    Despite that fact that there are no studies whatsoever that show spanking is highly effective or needed, but in fact show the contrary?

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       ATexanagainposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I need to start living my life by studies to hell with all that personal knowledge stuff.

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          TIMETRAVELER2posted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Too funny!  Most of the people who write these studies have never been in a class full of kids or know the first thing about control.  Same for many parents, many of whom are just kids themselves.  When we paddled in the schools, we had no shootings, weapons in schools, etc.  Kids actually behaved, did their work and learned!  The board of education did a great job, and the majority of students grew up to be productive citizens.  Sorry, but an occasional swat on the butt never hurt anybody and since the do gooders outlawed it, well, you've seen the results, folks!

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             peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             Wow, we got paddled in school and had multiple knife issues, guns in trunks, cops at the school every day, and teachers who were put in the hospital after students hurt them. It wasn't (and still isn't) a got paddled (spanked) or didn't get paddled issue, it was (and still is) a lack of parenting issue.

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          psycheskinnerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Studies are the aggregated personal knowledge of multiple people.  The experience of many is generally superior to that of only one.

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    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    Peeples . You asked so I'll explain and do so  respectfully too !  Yes , I believe as my father and mother believed that  one  swat on the pamper of a  two or three  year old does wonders for  family and personal self respect !   I never had to discipline my daughter after these very few times of odd disciplining .  My daughter now believes the same .  AND the old saying " it hurts me more than it does you ." is the truth.....for a good parent  .  Yet the rewards of such  a healthy relationship is unbelieveable ! She knows that I cared deeply what kind of person she became and  I know that she loves me dearly , Hows that !

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       peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you for taking a moment to answer my curiosity!

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    Hollie Thomasposted 11 years ago

    If spanking was an effective way to discipline a child, you'd only ever have to spank them once!
    Kids want attention and spanking is a form of attention. If they can't get your attention any other way, they'll misbehave, even negative attention is better than none.
    
    Teaching boundaries is better, even when they're little. You ask them not to repeat a behaviour of action, tell them why, if they continue, start counting and remind them that when you get to ten there will be a consequence. But don't tell them what the consequence will be. As a parent, I can honestly say that I never, ever, got to ten! They were worried about the unknown.
    
    And besides when you give them lots of praise and rewards when they are behaving well, they'll more often than not repeat those behaviours. I was spanked by my mum, never my dad, I don't think it was abusive but very ineffective- and it used to make me very angry as a child.

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       gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Totally agree, spanking and other forms of corporal punishment can be classified as abusive behavior.   There are other ways to discipline children, even the most behaviorally challenged.

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       ahorsebackposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Counting to ten !?!  Oh yea , theres a good one , if you can count I suppose it could work , more often than not I've seen moms start the count only to either forget how or give up all together . And only once ?  How many times have you counted to ten !

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          Hollie Thomasposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          That's the point ahorseback, I never reached ten. It was a warning that there would be consequences. I suppose it's like some mum saying "if you do that I'll spank you" And then she has to spank. But I never had to reach ten.

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    brimancandyposted 11 years ago

    Just a thought on all of this. A lot of older people probably remember a time when nobody cared if you took your kid behind the shed and gave him a spanking. But then big thinking shrinks came along, and wrote books about better child raising, for the sole purpose of making money, selling books. Backed up  by doctors who came up with new ailments, making believe there is something mentally wrong, with their children. While some stock holder cashes in on the pills they created to treat their newly thought up ailment. Don't you ever wonder where they get these ideas? Pills on top of pills to make drug companies rich.
    
    Now there is always someone coming out with a new book, and the so-called child doctors telling you that your kid has a new disorder that has only been on record since they thought it up. And, people buy into it, and spend a zillion dollars putting their kids on mood altering drugs. And, following the advice of these big thinkers, even though no doctors were not even talking about this 50 years ago.
    
    So, ask yourself this. You probably received spanking when you were a kid. Do you think you turned out aggressive because your parents spanked you? I was spanked by my parents, and I have never been aggressive or thought about hurting anyone.
    
    I will say this about those child altering drugs. They are dangerous. If you think your child was violent before he started taking those drugs, just have him stop taking them and see what happens. They are made to be addictive, and permanent, so your child has to keep taking them. Without it, they become easily irritated, and it takes the medicine to calm them back down. And, they are always coming out with a new drug to counter that, instead of just telling the child to behave.
    
    I don't trust shrinks. They have no idea what they are talking about. It's all based on theories. The practice makes doctors a buttload of money, and drug companies even more. Did you know that they are now attempting to use the same type of mood altering drugs to calm your dog? Very sad world we live in.

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    freecampingaussieposted 11 years ago

    I was smacked as a child & also smacked my 3 girls when they needed it which wasn't that often.. None of us are violent and all are happy family people .
    My girls were well behaved & well liked and are now doing really well in life .
    We see so many children that parents cannot control which is scary as you wonder what they will be like as adults .

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       A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Sorry, but you're parents were violent if they hit you and you are violent for hitting your kids and they will be violent for hitting their kids. You are propagating violence.
       
       
       
       That is because those parents are not teaching discipline, but instead are hitting their kids as a result.

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    Sundaymomentsposted 11 years ago

    Discipline is a major role in teaching a child. However I believe that if you raise a child with spankings you are also teaching a child to act with violence. Henceforth I believe that if a parent uses corporal punishment as discipline then they must make sure that the spanking is not done out of emotions of anger and frustration.
    
    Looking back at my childhood I realized that each time I got smacked around I would get a seed of anger because my Mother would discipline me out of anger and frustration. I believe due to the act of spanking I became more rebellious and less willing to respect my parents because of the reasoning of my Mothers discipline.
    
    Do I believe that corporal punishment is abuse? No, I believe that using corporal punishment is a case by case decision based upon the response of the child. If you institute corporal discipline yet you do not see change then why continue it?
    
    Children are individuals and what works for one child might not work with the other.

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    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    Troubled man !  Ahh as too  your post ....., HUH ?  Only a fool would  try to  disassemble the traditions of successful family dynamics ,  You couldn't be more wrong my friend !  The Lack of Discipline is actually whats wrong with this American culture today ,total moral decline , totally entitled  kids who skate through life  eating everybody elses lunch are the problem today ! Hence the shooting in Connecticut !  Period !

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       psycheskinnerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Not really.  Because plenty of families that don't use physical discipline are extremely peaceful and produce well-adjusted kids.
       
       Ergo the simplistic suggestion that [not hitting kids] = [homicidal young adults] is clearly incorrect.

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          cardeleanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          And plenty of families who give a swat on the behind to their kids have peaceful and well adjusted children.  The ultimate problem is a lack of consistent discipline and understanding of parent/child roles in families today.  Parents need to be parents and set rules that they enforce with their children and children need to understand that they are children, NOT adults and follow the rules.

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    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    If you haven't swatteed your child on the butt at least once , you haven't taught them one thing possitive !

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    brimancandyposted 11 years ago

    Here's another one from a famous comedian. He said, he is told that you can't spank your kids, oh no, you have to give them a "time out". He said, it was actually similar when he was a kid, as in his dad would take a "time out" of his busy day to blister their butts.
    
    What you want to stick your brothers finger in a light socket? try that out.  ZAP!! that hurt like hell didn't it. I'll bet you don't do that no more...huh.

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    freecampingaussieposted 11 years ago

    Have you ever watched Supernanny ? The lack of discipline by the parents is terrible ... I agree some children need diferent types of discipline but we were brought up with " Spare the rod-Spoil the child " and we were brought up to be well behaved -( Never was an actual rod used tho . ) When a child is behaving badly in a public place a smack works faster than saying you will go to your room when you get home .. Mine were well behaved when out which was great ...

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       mistyhorizon2003posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I agree, this worked for me as a child, and my parents were always complimented on how polite and well behaved both my Sister and myself were as children. Never in a million years would I have 'talked back' to an authority figure like a teacher or a Policeman or played up in a restaurant etc. I recall getting occasional smacks on the legs or the butt as a child, but they were with the palm of Mum's hand (occasionally Dad's), and in all honesty they didn't really hurt, but the shock or even embarrassment (if it was done say in a supermarket etc) did make me behave.
       
       Even in the natural world animals will nip, or swat their babies to get them to behave, it is a natural form of discipline and training, and completely different to abuse and doing physical damage to a child.

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          freecampingaussieposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Well said - Totaly agree

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    ahorsebackposted 11 years ago

    The biggest problem in understanding the value of a single swat on the butt is that most parents today lacked any for discipline themselves .  We're not talking a "beat down ", were talking a swat on the butt !   That combined with a good talking to is what I was given and what I gave to my little girl and you know what ....in the earlies years from say three  to six ........I never had to again !  The voice is the most effective means of teaching . Yet Today ?  There isn't enough discipline of either !  Merely a coddled and entitled society thats out of control.     Get a traffic ticket - dont say      " sorry officer -   no ..........argue !!I "wasn't speeding -my car was gaining speed and I don't know why  !"...... is the new mentality !

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       mistyhorizon2003posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       +1

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          ahorsebackposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          +1 yerself girl!

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    Miriam Weissmannposted 11 years ago

    I could just be lucky, but I can't remember being spanked when I was a girl, and I never spanked my two boys who were always good kids and have grown up to be very responsible men. I suppose it's because we always treat one another with equal/mutual respect in my family. But our neighbours were always giving their eldest a slap in the face or clout round the ear. They said he needed it whereas their youngest didn't. The eldest flinched at any sudden movement in the end, and ended up a very confused young man who eventually disappeared without a trace when he was old enough.

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       gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Not to digress Miriam but you have made an excellent point about your neightbor's eldest child who regularly got chastised.   Oldest children in many families are often held to a higher standard than younger/youngest children in the family.   They are also punished more because "they are supposed" to set an example for the other children in the family.   Sometimes, they are even punished for offenses that their younger siblings commit.   
       
       Yes, constant and/or inconsistent punishments, even if it is not corporal, causes children to be confused and eventually hate the parents.    You further stated that the younger child NEVER got punished.    The unfairness of targeting the oldest child causes him much grief and later hatred of the parents.   It is no wonder that he left home as soon as he could.

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          Miriam Weissmannposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          He was a dear little boy and always said he wished I was his mummy when he came round to play. He became painfully shy when he was in his teens and didn't make any friends, then he just disappeared. Of course, his parents were out of their minds with worry, but what could they expect? I often wonder where he is now.

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       mistyhorizon2003posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I definitely think hitting children in the face is a bad idea period (no wonder he vanished). There seems to be a very real confusion between a 'swat' (smack on the legs or the bottom with a flat palm) versus 'spanking' or generally striking a child with force. I don't believe anyone here is condoning the latter, but certain people (myself included) feel there is no harm in a smack to either embarrass or shock the child into behaving. The trouble today is that children know that no-one is allowed to touch them even to smack them, and boy are they taking advantage of it in the way they treat authority figures such as teachers, policeman and even their own parents.

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          Miriam Weissmannposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          I'm not qualified to go into the rights and wrongs of it, I just thank God that I never felt the need to lay a finger on my boys. But I can't help thinking it does have something to do with treating them with respect.

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    Mark Ewbieposted 11 years ago

    It's good for the child and good exercise for the parent...
    
    
    

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       mistyhorizon2003posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       lol Mark, I might have known you would come up with a funny cartoon appropriate to the topic

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          Mark Ewbieposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks Misty!  Pure coincidence, I was doing some refurbishment of old hubs and just happened to see this thread.

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    Shanna11posted 11 years ago

    I was spanked as a kid and I turned out relatively okay.
    
    The incident at the sanatorium was just a fluke. And I was framed for that time in prison.

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    logic,commonsenseposted 11 years ago

    My dad used to beat me with rubber hoses and 2x4's with nails in them.  Kept me on the right path.
    Course I would never do that to a child, but it did work.

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    Zelkiiroposted 11 years ago

    Chances are good that, if you spanked your child and they grew up to be belligerent/violent, you're doing it wrong. You don't storm into the room, spank them, and leave with nary a mention of the offense that is being reprimanded. Rather, you're supposed to be calm about the whole affair, explain the infraction, and tell them what the punishment is before administering it. It should be a calm, solemn affair, not a roaring rampage of retribution.

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