How can I raise two children with a psycho ex-husband?
My children's father is a heartless soul. He is a police officer and thinks it's his way or the highway and, when our children come back from his home they are a wreck. I want to find some tools that will help me find a better way to balance the back and forth. I want the best for them and he is unwilling to help them deal with this situation we have put them in.
Children do well with routines...so create a routine that they can count on everytime...if it is coming back from dads that is the problem...maybe you could meet dad at a local pizzeria or ice cream parlor instead of him dropping them off at the house...this will help ease the transition...other ideas include a trip to the library or video rental place...whatever you think will work best with your family...
I agree that a consistent routine is a huge benefit in this situation something they can count on. Also keeping the lines open between you and your kids. they should always be able to talk to you about the frustrations they might feel. As a mother you should always be encouraging to them and positive. You would never want to put their Dad down because no matter what a good example will always prevail. How painful it must be for you to have to go through this with children my heart goes out to you and your family. If your kids have a hard time talking an idea would be asking one of them to keep you company while you maybe fold the laundry. Sometimes this will spark conversation and you can chat about whatever they bring up.
Let me start by offerring you my sincere sympathy. While it is true that we cannot always control the actions or attitudes of others, particularly those of an ex spouse, we can however have great influence on our children no matter what kind of negative influence they may receive from whomever they receive it , in cluding that from an ex spouse or their other parent. The key is to relate to them in a way that connects them to you. If you have a good relationship with them it will serve your cause. Connecting with children is simply a matter of winning their hearts. Not in a competition sort of way. What I mean is children are open to ideals. They embrace the concept of black and white, right and wrong. You can connect to them by teaching them these concepts in a manner that allows them the ability to choose who they wish to become. You can use examples taken from stories or movies or real life. Ask them open ended questions like why do you like or dislike this character or person? And shape their views base on their answers, Most if not all children will side with heroes rather than villians. As they experience life they will become more acute of whether or not their affiliations support what they believe in their heart is right.
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