Do you know when to let go of your children and let them stand on their own?
My children are 31,26,25 and 10 Talk to them as much as you can before they turn 13 and turn off their ears. They turn them back on after they turn 18. My daughter wanted to move back in with us and I told her she would have to help pay the utilities and such and it would be a flat rate at 300bucks per month. she decided to go ahead a get her own place. My other daughter wanted to move back home and I told her she would have to go to rehab first. she did go and during that time i saved up, I surprised her with a cheap apartment for her graduation day. she pays the rent. I paid the deposits etc. Did this answer help?
Based on my personal experience, I'd say that letting them stand on their own comes pretty naturally (especially in view of the fact that raising independent-minded children means they want to stand on their own as early as possible). Having said that, though, I have to say that while it came naturally; it came a little later than my children would have preferred.
For the most part, I think when parents and kids are well adjusted, Nature builds the letting-go process in; just as it builds in the growing up and aging process.
I have had a real hard time with the whole: Set them free and let them experience life without you there by their side to protect them from the wild and crazy world, that could hurt them, in numerous terrifying ways...
I forget about the OR NOT part a fair deal.
But I have been forced to let go and bite my tongue by the reality that: we all grow up, and we all have to learn to fend for ourselves and make our own way in life. OR NOT.
Aka: my Spock Like Husband
Still, it ain't easy.
I struggle with it.
In the long run, I know my hubby's right.
You have to have faith that you've raised them well, and they've got a good head on their shoulders and a good set of survival skills and a strong will to survive.
You survived, didn't you?
Odds are, they will too.
It's important to understand the various developmental stages and theorists, like erikson, kholberg, fowler, etc. Knowing the right amount of freedom and 'stand alone' nudge for a child may vary from child to child as well. Your interest in this alone will help you along your way.
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