Have you had a close family member die recently? If so, how are you dealing with it?
After a few months, I cleared out his closet gave it to Good Will. Everything he had was given away, didn't want any reminders, I already have them in my head and heart. No pictures either, except in an album I rarely look at. I talk to him on occasion when I am alone and have to shovel the snow and let the dogs out. I ask his forgiveness for allowing him to go with assistance as we had planned in our living wills. I still feel guilty about that. Could he, would he? survived? Maybe, maybe not, if so he would have been a vegetable he wouldn't have wanted that. We made a deal, if we left before each other, we would move on with our futures, yes I know he has one where he is at and having a damn good time, cause he don't have to worry about the bills etc. I told him "we would meet again" but now we got to go our separate ways for a time. It's getting easier, but the loneliness is much more difficult to deal with. Trying to fill my time with writing and working. It's a big load off of my mind knowing he is in a better place and much more happier than when he was here suffering.
How recent is recent? My older sister died on Mothers' Day, 2009, and I still cry when I hear the song we played at her memorial and often cry when I see her picture. I often post her picture and a comment on my facebook page and we set up a memorial facebook page for her. Her birthday was Christmas Day and at 10 AM on Christmas, family and close friends light a candle for her.
Day by day. I don't plan much. I do what I feel in a particular moment. A lot has changed for me. A lot of time passes over me with out me noticing. I do see myself growing which is a relief, but the loss of a loved one is something that will always be with you. It is more like adapting to your new life with a whole in your heart than 'moving on' like less experienced people suggest. I expect that it will take a long time to learn too. I am only 4 months without my husband. It is finally starting to feel like it didn't just happen. Most of my hubs are about this. Some have said the commonality has helped them which does good things for me. I didn't expect that.
Sometimes, I wish I could be a little like Margolyn. If I could face touching some of his things, I would not have as many wars with impatient family members who want his things.
This answer will be so diverse. I have done it four times now and each is different although I loved them all the same. We never get over the injustice of a child dying I don't think and if it is someone who has had a full life even if we love and miss them tremendously; common sense helps out. It all depends on the person who dies and the person the griever is.
My grandfather passed away in a little over a month ago. I did not like going to visit him knowing the end was near. He was in hospice for the last few days. I don't like going to funerals, so I was lucky that it was a closed casket. Things went better than I thought. People in my family are known for going crazy during major events like this, but everyone managed to stay tame for our standards.
The only part I still cannot get over is how my aunt, who was power of attorney, postponed printing an obituary and the actual burial for almost over a about a week. I, like others, thought it would be great if his funeral was on Veteran's Day since he is/was one, but she held off for several days after because she did not want to cancel her vacation. How selfish is that!
by dinamars9 years ago
actually I made this as a request, but since I got only 1 answer so far so I'd probably jump into the forum to get quick answer and if possible to experiences with other members here...dina
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