Career vs Motherhood

1. 56

   rfranklin09posted 15 years ago

   Should I stay at home with my girls and give up my career?  I don't know...please advise.  Where are you sigle moms? I need your help with this question.

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      jhdinteriorsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I found ways to stay home with my children, and I think the benefits definitely outweighed the drawbacks. First of all, you cannot expect kids to talk to you when it is convenient for you. You have to be available for those moments when they let their guard down and suddenly open up. Some of the best conversations I have had with my children have been at times (sometimes not the most convenient!) when they have come to me rather than when I have sat them down and asked them how they are doing. I would have missed so much if I had chosen to stay in a full-time job.  Instead, I worked as a freelance writer and then started a home business as an interior designer, both of which I could work around my children's preschool and school schedules. You only get a short time to really have an impact on your children, whereas you can always go back to a career. My daughter just headed off to a college five hours from home where she knew no one, and is absolutely thriving there. No job I have ever had made me feel as proud or accomplished as raising a child that is able to go out on her own with all the confidence and self-assurance to succeed.  My 14-year-old son is happy and healthy as well, and I have to attribute much of this to the love and attention he has received from both myself and my husband. No one will love and guide your children the way a parent can, so if there is any way you can make it work, stay home with your precious girls!

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   2. 60

      Specialk3749posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Your children stay little for a very short time!  There is so much that a working mom misses out on and I don't think those things are worth a career.  Taking the time out to really nurture your children is worth it but it really is a sacrafice. Karen -- mom to 8

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      shonz20posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      This sounds like a hard choice to make. I know you love your children and want the best for them, but what about your needs i know you want more for yourself and by doing more for yourself you can do more for them. My advice is that be an authoritarian parent explain to them what your reason for going back to work is. Allow them to be apart of the decision making process.

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   4. 61

      seyiariposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      i think your role hasa mother starts from home. if you fail at home , then you've failed overall.

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   5. 59

      double_frickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      that seems like THE question these days, at least when it comes to parenting. very controversial. i say, follow your heart, how trite! but its true, either way there are going to be things you don't like about it and reasons to stress or complain. do whichever thing you will appreciate more, do whichever thing you FEEL more appreciated for. 
      
      and hey, don't let anyone make you feel bad if you want and feel better going to work!  there are plenty of SAHMs that don't take their job at home seriously and their kids are just as bad off as the ones whose parents work. its about the quality of parenting and going to work, imo, doesn't affect that as much as disposition and stress level.
      good luck!
      
      i have to add: this is coming from a SAHM that is currently stressed and overwhelmed <3 but i usually promote SAHparenting like breastfeeding, the BETTER alternative. and in my case and many others it may be, but i wanted to make it clear that thats not the right choice for everyone.

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2. 60

   hinckles komaposted 15 years ago

   Career is kool if its something you can have a creative edge to it, like writing etc. but I never got a chance to work I stayed home and with kids now, It gets really hectic no matter if you have help or you do it by yourself. You need a whole lot of love and patience.
   
   But career is all relative to what you have a chance  do in life. But I have been at home for more then 10 years now and I really don't mind missing a career.
   Good luck
   
   Love all

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      rfranklin09posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your response.  Wow you have been at home for 10 years.  I really admire your choice.  I know it is not easy.  I have been working now for twelve years.  I have a 6 yr old and a 9 month old. I guess my fear is will I regret letting the career go then losing myself and wondering if I really have the support to do this.

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   2. 68

      Paradise7posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      If it's feasible for you to stay home, I think, DO IT!  At least until your child is school age and has some feelings of personal security which you've given him, by staying home and being there for him.  Just my personal opinion--the only situation for me was being stepmom, and by the time I got there, the kids were already in school.

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3. 0

   Janettaposted 15 years ago

   Well. I'm not a single mom, but I have two boys ages 4yrs and 21 months. I am very proud to say I am a stay at home mom and have been for nearly two and a half years. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It gets boring some days and crazy busy other days but I can't imagine not being home with them. As a SAHM, you will be underappreciate and waayyy underpaid. Monetarily, that is
   
   I tried staying at work for the first year/ 18c months after my oldest was born. Having him in daycare was nearly impossible for me. I felt like someone else was raising my child. (He's in PreK now, and no, I don't still feel that. It may have also been b/c he was so young) I know many working moms and many SAHM's. Neither is any better than the others. They all adore their babies, as I know you do too. And they are all excellent parents. Staying at home, when it is a choice, is a personal one. No one can ever tell you, nor should they try, what is right for you and your children.
   
   I used to care what others thought about my parenting choices, until I realized it just simply didn't matter. I know what is best for my child, and you will too. So best of luck in whatever you choose and just remember to enjoy it!!

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      hinckles komaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Enjoy it for sure.  True.

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4. 56

   rfranklin09posted 15 years ago

   The one thing that stood out for me Janetta is that you said it is not about what others think.  It is about what I know to be best for my kids.  Thanks!

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5. 67

   lrohnerposted 15 years ago

   I stayed at home from the birth of my 1st child until my 3rd (and last) child entered grade school. My kids are all now in their 20's and I can tell you that if I went back in time, I wouldn't have changed a thing. It is a special time and I would encourage you to do it if you can.

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6. 66

   Ladybird33posted 15 years ago

   I have to work but if I had the option, I would rather stay at home with my son.  Specially now that he is in school, to help him and be there, etc... Go with your gut, whatever it tells you (advice is awesome) but make sure you listen to what you gut and heart are telling you.  Best wishes to you.

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7. 59

   Valerie Fposted 15 years ago

   I think it's sad that in the 21st century, women are still much more likely than men to ask that question, to choose between their children and their careers, and to be made to feel guilty or inadequate regardless of the choice they make.
   
   Ideally, it being the 21st century and all, you should have the option to do both. If starting your own business is not an option, telecommuting is a viable option in an increasing number of professions.

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8. 62

   prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

   If you can stay at home why not, they will be children only once, and you dont want to miss most of the times that they are growing up. If however you needed to earn money, then try to divide your time properly. There is nothing like the care of a mother.

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9. 59

   blbhhdcnposted 15 years ago

   I am a mommy to a beautiful baby.
   But I am working. I work from home. I get paid very good.
   
   Before I got married, I was teaching nursing students in a medical school. But now, I am working from the comfort of my home. I love it.
   
   I can only work at home this time bcoz of my precious little one. She's my priority! It's heaven to have my own baby. She's now 7 months old.
   
   The greatest reward working from home is I am able to spend time with my only one daughter, You cannot put a price on that!
   
   My husband is a full-time employee, but I am happy I am able to earn from home to help in any ways. Plus I am a shopaholic, so it's a good thing I have my own income
   
   Sure you can stay home with your precious kids and work. Work from home. I am. I love it. It's great!

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10. 68

    Song-Birdposted 15 years ago

    I stayed home with my kids and twenty years later I still don't regret it.  I  haven't gone back to work yet since my youngest is still 14.  I am thankful that I was able to have this time and I wouldn't have traded it for my career.  The only drawback is entering the job market again is going to be a little difficult after being gone for so long...
    
    Taking care of kids all day can be very emotionally draining at times so you do need support and a little time for just yourself.  Making sure that you're not stressed to the max will do wonders for your kids

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11. 83

    G.L.A.posted 15 years ago

    Their is NO more important CAREER than raising your children.. so the question is whether you want/need TWO careers going at the same time. If you WANT that, you are choosing to juggle two careers, and if you are certain that you can succeed at both, then go for it! If you NEED to work, then you are forced to juggle two careers, and sadly, many Moms are in this category. My suggestion is to seek out and utilize every bit of help that you can. You and your kids deserve it!

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12. 0

    pmccrayposted 15 years ago

    If you are able stay home with them.  I was a working Mom during my sons formative years and still regret it to this day.  He turned out very well despite this, but I wish I could have bonded with him more.  Left to their own devices, latch key children have to grow up much more quickly due to the extra responsiblity placed on them.

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13. 60

    AllMomNeeds2knowposted 15 years ago

    I think you have to follow your heart.  Figure out what's best for you and your family.  I stay at home with my girls and love it but it can also be challenging.  Good luck

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14. 61

    Miss Belgraviaposted 15 years ago

    It doesn't have to be an either/or situation these days. I stayed home for the first three years of my daughter's life, but attended college and finished up my degree during that time. I then got a job where I could work at home, which was difficult to find in 1987, but well worth it. When my daughter was 9 years old, I went to law school, and I think the experience of seeing me accomplish that was great for her. She graduated from college last week, with a degree in economics, and I couldn't be more proud of her. Be creative, do what feels right to you, and don't lose yourself. Your children will benefit from seeing you accomplish what is important to you, and you can be a good mother at the same time.

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15. 58

    Vibhavariposted 15 years ago

    When you are a single mom, sometimes there is no choice because it may be your responsibility to put food on the table and be the bread winner for the family. SO you have to work AND ensure that you can be there for the kids when they need you too, so you look for work with flexible hours or something that is close to home and school.
    Most single moms do feel guilty that they cannot be there for their kids or that they missed out on so much of their children's growing up moments, so I would say if you can be there for the kids, then do that first. You can build a career anytime you want, but the childhood years will never come back again. Children do grow up and become self sufficient over time they don't really need you around as much and that is when you can 'follow your bliss' as in look for work that brings you satisfaction.

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