Should moms stay home with their kids?

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   janesixposted 9 years ago

   Should moms stay home with their kids? I think they should . It's better for the family in my opinion. At least until they are in school full time.
   
   The American family is falling apart, and mothers working and dumping kids off in daycare is part of the problem.
   
   Absentee dads is also a huge problem for the family unit.

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      Erica Purdyposted 7 months agoin reply to this

      Why is this only posed as a question to moms?  Why aren't dads asking if they should stay at home?  Parenting is equal.

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   Jill Mooreposted 9 years ago

   I did and I have never - not once - regretted it. There have been sacrifices to make it possible but the rewards hugely outweigh the sacrifices. However, I was lucky. We bought our house just before house prices hit a bubble, massively overheated and then went to the wall during the economic downturn (I'm in the UK). By my estimation, if we had waited even a year to get a mortgage, we would not have been able to afford a house on one salary and I would have had no option but to remain in work to keep a roof over our head. This has happened to my sister-in-law who would love to be an at home parent but has to work part time to make ends meet. It might be the ideal but, the way Western society is structured, it's becoming increasingly impossible.
   
   And, of course, not all mothers wish to be at home full-time and I think it's important to recognise that too. Many women of my mother's generation fought hard to ensure that women had economic choices, I would be loathe to return to an age when it was expected that a woman would stay home with her children if she is likely to find that unpalatable. I'm not sure her children would benefit in that circumstance. I think the choice about a parent staying home needs to come from within the family and not from societal pressure.

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      janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Women need to think of their family first, not just what they want to do.

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         Jill Mooreposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         But I would argue that a parent who is ill suited by temperament to be at home full time is likely to become depressed and not give her children the best of herself. (I'm using her as you appear to feel that it needs to be a mother at home. I think, after the first year, either parent could be a successful at-home parent) . I would argue that a fulfilled parent is likely to be a better, more attentive parent than one who is forced into a role they can't manage to the best of their ability and who finds that their mental health and self esteem suffers as a result. I adored being at home with my children and, broadly speaking, I agree with your initial assertion but I think that making blanket assertions about societies ills is limiting and wrong. I don't think working mothers are the cause of all the horrible things in the world today. Violence, gang culture, internet porn, cyber bullying, an uncertain economic future - these are challenges our children have to face too.
         I would also say that your suggestion that people who can't manage to have children on one salary shouldn't have children precludes people who may experience a financial crisis, which let's face it is not entirely out of the realms of possibility in the current economic climate, and who find themselves worse off than they were before having children. It would also preclude people like my SIL, who I referenced above, who is one of the most amazing mothers I have ever met. Her children are delightful, she is amazingly present with her daughters on the three days that she doesn't work and the world is better off with women (mothers) like her in it. I would hate for my nieces not to exist because someone decided she didn't deserve children.

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         Erica Purdyposted 7 months agoin reply to this

         Women?  Why not men too?

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      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      +1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!

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   rebekahELLEposted 9 years ago

   Mothers need to do what's best for their situation.  Mothers staying home with their kids is not the answer to families falling apart.  A family falls apart for all kinds of reasons and most often it has something to do with finances.  In some cases, the child gets much better care away from home, or with an extended family member or nanny in the home  Young couples need to discuss parenting and childcare before they walk down the aisle. And even then, life has a way of not always going as planned.  It's bad enough that mothers are judged for just about everything they do or don't do, or don't do a certain way.  And then there are those women who simply aren't nurturing.  That shouldn't preclude them from wanting to have a family.
   I understand where you're coming from, but I've worked with so many families and very often, one income simply doesn't make it in the US.  There is an enormous amount of guilt either way which makes family dynamics even more difficult.

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      janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      If one income isn't going to do it, then people need to rethink having a family. Don't bring kids into the world that you can't afford to take care of.

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         rebekahELLEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         The thread posts a question for discussion, so I posted my opinion, as will others.  This is not the 1950's when mothers could stay home much easier than today, or when women didn't have the degrees necessary to enter a profession.  I think of some of the incredible mothers I know who are doctors, educators, surgeons, business owners, etc. who provide services for the rest of us.  Are they all supposed to be male? 
         Because a family can't make it on one income shouldn't mean a couple can't have children. 
         We look at it from different perspectives.

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            janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            Now look at how the country is falling apart. Would you say it has nothing to do with how the children are being raised?
            
            Deadbeat dads, women who don't stay home with young children. It's appalling that people don't see the connections.

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               rebekahELLEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               I don't see our country falling apart.  I see families working hard to raise their children the very best they can.  We all have different life situations.  There will always be struggle. There will always be political divide. What we focus on is what we see.  I would much rather focus on solutions and help to make families life situations less stressful.   
               
               
               Everything is connected, but solutions need to be realistic and attainable.  To say that mothers should stay home with their kids isn't always realistic or attainable.  If our country had more reasonable and generous maternity and family leave benefits, more vacation time, more flexible work situations (which is becoming more popular), it could help.  If a mother (or father) can stay home and that choice works for their family, wonderful.  If a mother chooses to work and finds the best care for the children and that choice works for their family, wonderful.  It's not always so easy.

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            gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            Exactly, many women work by choice and they are still excellent mothers with their families being intact.  There are excellent care centers for children; also, more affluent 2 income families have nannies to care for their children.  There are also stay at home mothers who are neglectful, instead of caring for and teaching their children, they watch tv or indulge in some worthless pastime.  I for one believe that women should contribute socioeconomically to the household.  Two income is best;why should a husband be burdened with being the only breadwinner.  Women who work also tend to have less children while women who are stay at mothers become comfortable, being more ensconced in family life and that is what makes them have more children.  My mother worked;however, my father looked after me until she came home and he went to work.  My family was very intact.  Conversely, my aunt in law was a housewife; she seldom took care of the children; all she did was reproduce ad continuum and placing the burden on the oldest child who subsequently escaped at 18.

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         Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Now THAT should swiftly wipe out the black population for sure. Most of them are poor. Maybe someone will get mandatory temp/perm sterilization under a certain tax bracket through.  ANYTHING but let them sit at home smiling, sucking up tax dollars.
         People should not be so petty.
         They are going to spend this money (much more when you add childcare to force them into low-paying jobs) anyway.
         The nation did not suffer from social programs. But it suffers now...

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      IslandBitesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      +100000000! Agree!

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   Aime Fposted 9 years ago

   I think it's ideal for the mother to be home for at least a year. Unfortunately my friends in the States don't have that option as the maternity leave is atrocious. We get a year here in Canada and I think it's lovely.
   
   I'm a SAHM other than the few days a week I go to school for a few hours, and I feel very lucky to be able to stay home with my daughter. Most people I know who have children cannot afford to live on one income for 5+ years until their kids are in school, and I don't think that means they don't deserve to have families.
   
   My mom was a single mom and went back to work right after I was born. She had no choice. Would it have been preferable for her to stay home with me? Sure. But I had a wonderful childhood and am a pretty well-adjusted adult, so I don't think it's the end of the world if a mother can't be at home.
   
   I also do think it's important to acknowledge that many women spend several years obtaining degrees and securing job positions that they don't necessarily want to put aside or throw away by being out of the workforce for 5+ years, but they also really want children. They should be able to have both and a better maternity leave in the U.S. would make having both a lot easier, I'm sure.

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      chuckandus6posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I had decided before I had kids that I wanted to stay home the few times I did work was when my hubby was home and it didn't last long it was hard, I don't know how moms do it, especially single moms and dad sorry PR
      I am very happy being a stay home mom. they grow up so fast I don't want to miss a thing.

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years ago

   The child needs his mother until age five. The mother can work while the child is in kindergarden or first grade. No one can take care of your child as you can. The child loves no one as much as mother.
   The mother can choose some one else to take her place, but this is what I have seen…
        As soon as the child develops a bond with say a nanny, the mother gets jealous and fires the nanny... the one person the child had… the one person who loved the child… New Nanny time… can't have my child bond to the nanny instead of moi!!!  Even though "Moi" is never home and has lost total touch with the child. Often, the mother over does the attention after working all day and ends up spoiling the child or developing a strange/unnatural relationship.
   
        A child who does not bond with at least one parent becomes an angry child.
   
   I agree. The world would be better if mothers could stay home with their children until five or six. A man who sees his wife is not a good mother should but a lid on it.
        If a mom values her career, she should not produce a child… but let the child's soul remain peacefully sleeping in the arms of the angels.
   
   TWISI

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6. 72

   Aime Fposted 9 years ago

   Why is it assumed that a child won't bond with a working parent? Even working mothers are the primary attachment for most kids. The attachment to a nanny or caregiver would be a secondary attachment (and at some point those become very important, too).
   
   Why are men allowed to have careers and children but women are expected to sacrifice one for the other?

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Because in my observation, and what I have read according to Montessori, the child's attachment to his mother is vital for the development of healthy functioning psyche. It is a minute to minute development... minute to minute until the age of six. It is vital for the successful unfolding of the natural stages of development within the child's psyche. This is the period of the second embryonic stage and needs to be facilitated by the presence of the mother who has particular skills given to her by nature.
      As usual, this is the ideal and based on the natural process of development within the child. It is what we should shoot for.
      TWISI
      PS Montessori actually understood that mothers would have to work. She devised a way to institutionalize the home through her schools. Sadly, no Montessori school understands Montessori anymore.

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      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      EXACTLY! WELL SAID INDEED! +1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         I stand in the midst of little two year olds at the school where I pick up my friend's daughter's two year old. They gather around me showing me their toys/items, talk talk talking… I can tell they have had no one pay real attention to them… only to ordered about or left to their own devices. I see that they want attention/interaction and acknowledgment of their existences… and who knows what more! Interaction!
         It can happen. Not all day cares are like this one. But, I have worked in Montessori schools where the teachers did not give the children the liberty they need, the consideration and the respect they need. The boundaries they need. I quit both times I tried to work in Montessori schools.

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7. 61

   Jan Lovaposted 9 years ago

   If the situation permits Mother should stay at home. It isn't an easy job to raise a child. Nowadays requirements for children to go to school is higher than before. Here comes the issue of preparing them for school preferably from the age of 3. And I don't think anyone can handle this kind of overload,simultaneously working and raising a child.

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   psycheskinnerposted 9 years ago

   I see no reason why the father couldn't fill this role if it works better that way.

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      janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Fathers can't nurse.

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         Aime Fposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Lots of working women exclusively pump, and they have my complete respect and admiration. Pumping sucks and is a huge time commitment. Why can't a father feed his baby pumped breastmilk?

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            janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            The mother-child bond happens when the mother is nursing. How can that happen when a woman is attached to machinery?

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               Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Nursing is not nearly the only way a mother bonds with her child.

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               Aime Fposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               There are several ways to bond with a child. What about mothers who can't/don't want to nurse? What about parents who adopt an infant and aren't lactating? They don't bond with their babies?

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                  gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  Exactly, there are myriad ways to bond with children.  Fathers can effectively bond with their children as well as mothers.  Working mothers bond with their children.  A woman does not have to be a stay home mother to effectively bond with her children and be classified as a good mother.

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                  janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  https://964eb7d3-a-62cb3a1a-s-sites.goo … edirects=0
                  
                  Breastfeeding makes for better mentally adjusted children.

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                     Aime Fposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                     I breastfed my daughter for 3 years, you don't need to explain to me the benefits. But to say it's the centre of the mother-baby bond is just plain wrong and there are millions of bonded mother-baby combos out there to prove it.
                     
                     Edited to add: I actually think nursing delayed my bond with my baby because I spent the first 3 months struggling with a bad latch, mastitis, bloody nipples, etc. I didn't enjoy her as much as I could have in the early days because of nursing. There is so, so much more to it.

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                        Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                        At 22, I had a bouncing baby boy. I nursed for three weeks until I got sick. Something about my gallbladder was bad and it needed to be removed.
                        My baby was only three weeks old and was cared for by a cousin for the entire week, but seemed like a month. I had wondered what it does to a baby so young. I felt horrible having to leave him so young.

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                           Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                           I nursed for five years and half years of my life. Three with my son and two and a half with my daughter.
                           Neither child got into smoking pot, or experimenting with drugs or have any problems with alcohol.  They are extremely smart, kind, (naturally cooperative and loving,) and confident people. I think it does make a difference. My psychology professor explained those who suck their thumbs have become fixated at that level of development as they did not get enough nursing according to nature-dictated needs.
                           Maybe drug-use is a throwback to the bliss denied as breast feeding ended too soon.

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                              Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                              Nice!
                              My crack addicted aunt had 19 children. Two thumb-suckers and one of them's in jail having made a poor decision.  The rest of them are marvelous humans who are responsible for their own children and hers. None of them were nursed.
                              Seems she's got a better record. Lol... just kidding...
                              There are SO MANY acceptions to each rule...

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                                 Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                 It would be interesting to determine what caused the thumb sucking… maybe they didn't have bottles long enough, etc.
                                 However, It is hard to follow the human population.

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                                    Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                    My mom let me keep my pacifier til age 4. I soon supplemented with my ring finger...
                                    Don't know why. I guess people are different and require different things.
                                    My dad kept her locked in that bedroom all day and night so she wasn't available. But I always knew she was there. She came out to cook... not much else. But grandma was right up front, if I needed anything.
                                    Maybe there was a void. I really longed for her attention as a little kid. But my dad had complete control. He longed for her attention too.  So, I read books, and sucked my finger.

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                                       janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                       That's awful. I'm sorry that happened to you.

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                                          Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                          I know I hated it.  Thanks.
                                          Back then, they were not pushing the idea that children need your time. One of my dad's best friends commented to him when he saw me peeking from my room, "Man, I didn't even know you HAD kids..."
                                          My brother and I were made to stay in our bedroom until we went outside.
                                          My dad felt that children should be mute and invisible.

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                                             janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                             Both of my parents had pretty rough childhoods.
                                             
                                             They decided they would never be that way with us. They were very lenient(too lenient, in my opinion.) But I was happy always.

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                                                Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                                I guess it was a huge disappointment. Other kids had their parents. Mine were locked away.
                                                But that is the only thing I would change. I had a great childhood otherwise.

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   Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

   Someone should stay home. In my day, it was Grandma. She didn't break out the breast tho. Lol...
   Fathers may issue pumped nourishment.
   It seems we got a surge in crime for young folk just abouy the time mothers were forced to work. Good thing we got all them jails...

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      janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      "It seems we got a surge in crime for young folk just abouy the time mothers were forced to work"
      
      Yep.

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      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      

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    Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

    I do wonder if it was a forethought.
    Hey!!! We already know that children need rearin'. So if we send the mothers to work for their assistance, those kids will be right where we want them... plump for the pickin!

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       janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Are you a conspiracy theorist? I think it was just stupidity.

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    Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

    Well, Willie Lynch got me to thinking. I'm no paranoid citizen. But it does seem like they make plans...
    Chicago, home of many highrise lowrise ghetto housing complexes had a plan almost 20 years ago, to do away with housing for blacks near downtown Chicago in an effort to be closer to their jobs. However, the plan has been executed. Long lines of condos took the place of many of the buildings and poor people have been lured to the southern suburbs about 20-30 miles away. 
    I cannot call it a conspiracy. It's their stuff. they do what they want with it. And they make it known.

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       janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Sounds like normal capitalism to me.

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          Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          I don't think it's normal.

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             janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

             Why? How is it not normal capitalism?

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                Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                I know that America has shuffled around many people to make room for themselves...
                So I guess it IS the "normal" way of doing things. It just seems wrong on so many levels to me. It feels like stealing.

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       gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       Please continue................this is going to be..........quite interesting......hmmm........

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          Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          Finally! A word alongside your goofy pics
          But no clear idea of what you're saying.
          You may speak... I think it will be quicker than rolling eyeballs, snapping necks and peeps over eyeglasses. But it's your communications style, you may do with it as you wish.

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    janesixposted 9 years ago

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic … rmone.html

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    Aime Fposted 9 years ago

    Babies have a sucking reflex. Understandably not every woman (even stay at home moms) has the time or patience to sit with a baby attached to their boobs for 23 hours a day while the baby sucks. That's why pacifiers were created, and why some babies suck their thumbs.

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       Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       My children did not want to nurse non-stop. It was a quick fix the older they got… but it transformed their little psyches and they could recover when tired, sad, anxious, confused… or mostly tired and wanted soothing.
       I was happy to sooth and thankful that I could.

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    Aime Fposted 9 years ago

    Mine sucked non-stop. And she refused a pacifier and never wanted her thumb so it was all on me. Exhausting. Even at 3 I had to encourage her to wean, she would have still nursed multiple times per day had I not refused. My poor boobs just couldn't handle it anymore. Now she comes over and asks to cuddle with them instead, it's quite sweet that she still finds comfort there, really.

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       Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       I had a cat who nursed her kitten until it was a year old!!! Finally Cuddles had enough and literally ran away and hid whenever she saw her offspring comming.
           (We had named him Alfie. He had one green eye and one blue eye and a white diamond on his forehead. His body was black and white. He would follow my daughter like a dog (no leash) around the block.)
       
       I think the longer you nurse the better. But, stop around three!

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    Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years ago

    Nursing is Bliss for babies. They feel like they are back in the arms of the angels.
    Thats what I think.

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    Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

    Kathryn, come to think of it, each of my crack-addicted family members were breastfed babies, I forgot.
    Further information to show the diversity of various mentalities.
    Quite a few things combine to make us who we become.

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       Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Why did they get addicted to crack?
       I think this is the right thread.

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          Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          Well the younger two, more than likely following the other two.  My grandma was a good woman and my grandad was with them. Probably fun...
          They didn't want for much. Church, dad, breast, attention, love, not a bit of abuse.
          
          There is absolutely no reason that 4 of 7 were addicts. I am honestly trying to link it to something. But I'm coming up empty.

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             janesixposted 9 years agoin reply to this

             Drugs are everywhere now. My last job, seems like everyone did drugs. And they even talked about it openly, including my boss.

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    Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

    Oops, wrong thread. Sorry

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    Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

    The oldest, a male, was sent to a relative's house when he was 17 to escape hood violence (though their area was well-to-do).
    He didn't stay long though. Maybe he brought the habit back and intrigued his younger sisters.

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       Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       ...see other thread now.
       http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/130242? … ost2729747

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          Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          All drop-outs

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