When Should I Stay At Home?

1. 61

   Habbyposted 14 years ago

   I am currently a SAHM and really value this role and the opportunity to invest in my children.  My three children are all 5 and under, so I thought this was THE most important time to stay home with them.  When this phase was over, I was thinking of going back to teaching.  (I was an English teacher in a previous life. )
   
   But...I've been talking with mommies of teenagers and beyond, and they think it is equally as important if not more so to be at home when children are in junior high and high school.
   
   Does anyone else have an opinion?

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   1. 68

      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      There is no greater call than that of a teacher.  A teacher is what we are all called to do.  We teach each other and teach the rising generation.  We all want to feel useful in society, plus we perceive the need of that extra income, so we go ahead and continue to work even when our time is more needed elsewhere.  This is the travesty of our time.
      
      Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying, "I owe all that I am to my mother."  Think and contemplate that saying.  What an expression of reverence to his mother.  Mothers instill peace, charity and love to their children.  Mothers nurture and comfort when the child is sick.  Mothers have an inborn ability to recognize and invest in powers greater than they, and are able to build that firm foundation in their young.  All these virtues are carried throughout life and should be taught to our youth while yet young.  This, mothers through their God given divine attributes, should do so that their children may one day say, "I owe all that I am to my mother."
      
      It's a huge responsibility!  Having the powers to create life, you are co-creators with God.  As such, mothers bear tremendous responsibilities to the inward nurture of their young.  It can and should be done.  Why?  Because mothers are given that divine spark and special treasures that they are masters at passing on to the young.  The power is already there, it just needs to be weilded and implemented.
      
      Remember though.  The quote swings both ways.  If mothers tend toward vain things of the world, are abusive, reject sensitivity and are not leading a good clean life their children also run the condemning risk of saying, "I owe all that I am to my mother."
      
      Yes, it's a huge responsibility and all this was not meant to diminish the role of fathers.  A father's role is equally impressive and takes on equally lasting effects.  However, it is obvious to the eye and heart that mothers and fathers have different attributes that are to be extended to the young. 
      
      As far as your situation is concerned I'd deeply say, "YES", and that you should take that leap of faith by remaining home with your children until they graduate and are living away from home.  This is a long time, but your role of a constant nurturing mother spans that entire time.  This is my counsel to you and hope that you "receive" it for the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of your children.
      
      Many blessings to you as you successfully raise a worthy posterity!

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      1. 61

         Habbyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         goldenpath, thank you for your lengthy and encouraging reply.  I agree with so many of the things you said, which is why I struggle with the question.
         
         I deeply value being at home but also see the joy in teaching and helping others who are in need.

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   2. 0

      Lady_Eposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It's nice to be a stay at home mum but sometimes I think it's nice to be aquainted with the outside world a bit.  I have some experience as an English Tutor (Esol  - English for Speakers of Other Languages). If you are outside UK it will be TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language)
      
      I suggest maybe you consider one 2 one tuition to adults or "after school" lessons for kids who are Native speakers. Hours to suit you. Place Free Ads on websites accessible to you.
      
      tt could be a few hours in a week. (You can visit the learners or they could come to you -  If you can't travel get someone to watch your kids while you are teaching for those few hours)
      
      Alternatively, get a part - time teaching Job in College.
      Just a thought....
      
      Best Wishes.

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      1. 61

         Habbyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, Lady_E, for your kind and thoughtful reply.  I have thought about tutoring since I had done some of this in the past.  Since my littlest one is really little (4 months tomorrow), I might have to bide my time.
         
         However, the idea of tutoring one-on-one or in smaller group sessions sounds appealing. 
         
         Appreciate your input!

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   3. 60

      vanidianaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Must tell you my own experience when I was a teenager my self; I was quite a 'lost girl' without my Mom's presence as she was working very hard outside the house as a teacher. My advice to you is, should you go back to teach again, never think that your children are now ready to be left by them selves, cause they're not! Even if you really must go to work, stay beside your kids in anytime you can and always be their best friend. Cause they really need you to guide them to enter the adult phase.

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   4. 55

      Dredsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I have a three month old daughter and also am a teacher.  I fortunately have maternity leave and longservice leave I am chewing through on a half pay rate.  I currently am loving being at home and although its exhausting at the moment, I know that returning to work is going to really flog me.  Either way the income has to come in, so back to work unless something fantastic happens.  I have thought of being a family day care mum myself but as a high school teacher I don't think I'm the type of person who would  be content to do it.  I could do it, competently no worries but other babies bums (dirty diapers) and upchucks don't really enthuse me.  I also have a lot of environmental hazards to manage, dogs, cat, odd snake here and there.  Creek.  Horses and cows, the list continues.  From my own memory I have held my parents to ransom more during my own teenage years than any other time. As a teacher of teenagers, they can get up to some wild stuff if they don't have supervision.  There is the worry for me about instilling appropriate behaviours at a young age so surely there is benefit to being at home during the early years as well.  If anything taking an interest in your child at all ages is important.  Knocking off from work does not mean knocking off from family too.  Dad hiding in the den because he's too tired to talk,and mum preferring to watch days of the drearies instead of having a sit down meal and conversation with junior after school are examples of poor parenting.   Just the fact that you show the child that you regard certain things as important, rubs off on them.  If you dismiss the maths homework as "a stupid waste of time", because you can't do it, oh boy, there lies a big problem for junior, and later for parents when junior still can't manage their money aged 26, unemployed and still not paying board.  As a rule teenagers often challenge their teachers if their parents say something is so because they still, despite challenging their parents usually refer to what their parents beliefs are as gospel.  Their parents are still their heros whether the parent realises it or not.  So set an example, whether you are at home all day or just for a few waking hours.  Watch the drinking to excess the verbal arguments etc.  Children are sponges.

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2. 64

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Yes, if you ask me - women are meant to bring up kids, well beyond the breastfeeding. If you can afford it - and tolerate it, I would advise to stay home with them as long as you can.

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   1. 55

      Dredsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      So are dads.

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3. 72

   waynetposted 14 years ago

   I've been a stay at home dad for a couple of years now, but my wife has had a few breakdowns the last couple of years, still trying to find the right mechanic for her!
   
   Ideally the mrs should do the stay at home thing, but then I do work part time online and I like staying at home.

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   1. 61

      Habbyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      So interesting that you are a stay-at-home dad.  Do you get any unusual looks or comments from others about that choice?

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         waynetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         No, no funny looks or anything!
         
         People do wonder how I make money online though, they think it's just a hobby until I tell them it's proper business stuff!
         
         Being at home is ace and working too

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      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well hey thats awesome. Never did think it was just a lady role. Whoever can generate the most income with the skills/backround that they have is a good choice for the full time job role in the family. And you must feel accomplished that you work and stay at home. I wish i could work part time from home. it would be less... monotonus? haha

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      1. 72

         waynetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Yeah and I do the dishes! and make the tea, clean the whole house and don't sleep much, but hey, that's life!

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4. 83

   Lily Roseposted 14 years ago

   I, too, am a SAHM of my two girls, 3 and 5.  I had thought that, ideally, I'd like to stay at home with them until they're both in school.  That would be 2.5 years from now.  I'm not sure how I'll feel at that point, but I think the best thing would be to wait until they're in school, then get a part-time job.  That way, you can bring some income to your household, be home when your kids get home and still enjoy some time to yourself, too.

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   1. 61

      Habbyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Lily Rose, you give such a balanced answer.  I think you may be right, especially considering the economic times.  The trick is to get a job that I can also leave if I realize I'm not able to fully give myself to my family as I'd like.  I'm thinking something admin-ish.

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5. 83

   Lily Roseposted 14 years ago

   I completely agree!  Before I had kids, I had a high stress job (that I loved, at the time!) that I often "brought home with me" - and I was on call 24/7. 
   
   I've said many times since I stopped working that I don't want to go back to that now - I want to be able to go to work, do what needs to be done while I'm there - like an admin position - and go home and not have to think about work until the next time I'm there!

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6. 74

   the pink umbrellaposted 14 years ago

   i love staying home with my baby. I know ill only have one, and this is my shot to really do it right. Im thinking that when he gets a little older. ill venture out and do something, but i want to be there after school, and to get him up in the morning. I want to be able to be home on weekends, and always be available to him. Im sure as he begins to leave high school, and starts becoming an adult i will find the one thing that i want to do and be able to do it. The most exciting thing is, i have about 18 years to figure out what that actually is. How do i want to fill my days after he can fend for himself, and dosnt need me? Lord knows ill need something to distract me from worrying! My mom always worked, but to her credit, we never felt her absance. She came home at night and usually made dinner, and was off to work the same time we were off to school. She never brought her job home wth her and that was in fact her motto.."you dont have to bring them home with you." Thats what she would say to me after a rough day at school. It always made me feel better. She always talked about her job, but it felt like more of a far off place to me, than an actual thing she did all day. so i say to each his own. (i love choice dont you? any time i have the opportunity i make one!!!) So i stay at home. its best. My son feels secure in that im there all day and all night. I cant switch now, lord help anyone within earshot! But i do credit those moms that work. Such a hard balance, and it must be exausting to find it.

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   goldenboy1947posted 14 years ago

   after long days of work or school^_^

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8. 85

   _cheryl_posted 14 years ago

   I thought exactly the same as you, go back once the kids are all in school fulltime. My kids are 14, 7, and 3. We've realized (thanks to my 14yr. old who's starting H.S. this year) that Jr. High and High School are going to equally benefit from a parent being at home. My priorities have changed greatly since being home a few years now. My initial plan was to go back to work once my 3yr. old was in school all day. But now, as long as it's possible I'm totally willing to put my career aside and be here fulltime while all my kids finish school. I didn't think I'd last a year being home, I've always worked fulltime. Yet 3yrs. have flown by so fast, and so far I'm loving it! I personally have seen a big difference in my kids since having a parent present at home fulltime. Sure not everyone can do it, but if it's possible- I say go for it, you're kids are only kids once!

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9. 60

   MPG Narrativesposted 14 years ago

   I grew up with both parents working from when I was 6 years old, they went into their own business. We lived in a flat above the business for 5 years and so although our parents (I have an older brother) were working we still saw them. However, they were always busy and even busier when they bought a larger business. I vowed when I had children I would be there for them and for most of my teenagers lives I have been. I went back to part time work when my second child was 4 and still work part time now. I think it is important to find a balance that suits your family, and what makes you as a parent comfortable and happy. Good luck with your decision and once made I'm sure it will be the right one for you.

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10. 60

    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    I am a SAHM and proud to be.  My children are 19 & 14.  While the oldest has moved on to college, I'm still home for my 14 year old.  I wouldn't do it any differently.  I've found that some of the most critical time to be home is right after school - if there is a problem or social issue they have at school, I am right here when they walk in the door to talk about it.
    
    I did not ever think I would be home this long - always thought I'd go back to work once they started school - but the before and after school time is precious to all of us.
    
    The only bad thing about SAHM is it really kills a conversation when I'm at a business function with my husband.  For some odd reason, working women don't feel I have anything valuable to say as I'm home all day.  You know the question, "so what is it that you do?" Once they hear I'm a SAHM the conversation goes south...nevermind that I'm a decent amateur photographer, I can create a digital scrapbook that looks like it was done professionally...yada yada -

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