How to persuade grown up kids to move out of the family home.

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   GALAXY 59posted 11 years ago

   How to persuade grown up kids to move out of the family home.
   
   What is the best way to gently let your grown up children know that it might just be time to move out and find a place of their own? I am talking about those in their twenties and thirties who seem to want to stay with Mum and Dad for as long as possible. Tongue in cheek answers particularly welcome.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   To be honest with you, if I had the room, and my kids were contributing to the family budget, I would welcome them living with me.  I love the idea of the old fashioned extended family rather than the nuclear family we have come to cherish.
   
   Having said that, could you sit down with them and have a wonderful brunch and tell them that you love them, but feel they need to be out on their own?
   
   Honesty will likely get the best results.

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      GALAXY 59posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for answering, duffsmom. The question wasn't about my own personal situation, I am almost an empty nester - youngest leaves for University in Sept. I agree with you about the honesty, good answer.

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   Neetuarposted 11 years ago

   First of all I fail to understand why the kids should move out? In my opinion, children should stay with their growing parents. That's two-way helpful. 1 - Children will get to learn more about living life without experiencing all of those things again that you have gone through and can learn from you, for ex, future planning, handling certain situations, growing up to be a better person, etc. 2 - If children are living with you, you have your own kids staying with you that you can depend upon. You will have your family living with you, children, then grandchildren, maybe great grandchildren and have the rest of your growing old days seeing them grow up and give all the guidance you can and enjoy this gift of God! What I cannot comprehend is why on earth would anybody want to give up the joy of living with family and stay far from them, rather in your case trying to send them out?!
   
   Sorry, I could not answer your question because, if it's me, then I would love to have surrounded by my family until my death.
   
   From financial point of view, if you are talking so, then you know your situations best and if you sit and think calmly and discuss with your kids suitably, there you may find answer to your question.

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      GALAXY 59posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I guess you don't live in a small 3 bed semi Neetuar! I do think that it's important for people to learn their own lessons as well, not kids, but people in their late 20's and beyond and sometimes that means striking out on your own.

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      Neetuarposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Where I live doesn't matter here & you just needed some suggestions for your "grown up kids". And for whatever reason you want them to move out, you know the best way to tell them, which doesn't hurt them.

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   Shawn May Scottposted 11 years ago

   I find this interesting because families are very diverse these days and with the economy as it is many adult children are living with their parents much longer than say 20 years ago. I was a late bloomer and mainly because I could never hold down a steady job that paid well enough for me to move out and stay out. Being an artist is and was a broke occupation. I left my family home when I married in my early thirties shortly after my father had passed away. My mother would have been very happy to have my husband and I move in and stay and raise our family with her in my childhood home. We wanted to be on our own so she sold the house and we moved out.
   
   But I remember times when my friends parents would say that it was time to move out and they pulled no punches. One time in particular we were all sitting outside having a beer after helping with the yard work and my friends father openly said to her why do we always have your friends here at our house why can they not go to your house? She replied I don't have a house of my own. Her father replied then it is time for you to move out. I beleive we had her in an aprtment with in six weeks or so. She has never lived with her parents since then!!!
   
   My suggestion is the straight forward appoarch, if you really want them to leave that is!!!

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      GALAXY 59posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It is hard these days for people to get on the property ladder, living at home can help them to save. I do think that a cut off time should be set by all parties. Be that twenty, thirty or, God forbid, forty! Thanks for answering.

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   Karen Hellierposted 11 years ago

   I had to have my son leave when he was 18 because he was not respecting me and the rules of the house. I sat him down and reminded him of this and gave him a 3 month warning period by which point he had to be on his own. He found someone who was renting a room in their house and was out of mine by the deadline. He told me later that being kicked out of the house was the best thing that ever happened to him because he learned how to live his own life in his own way.

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      GALAXY 59posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sounds like you did the fair and right thing which, ultimately, worked out well for all concerned. We each find our own way of dealing with things and all know our own families best. Thanks for taking the time to provide an answer.

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