Vinegar or hot sauce? Good or Bad discipline of a younger naughty child ?

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   nanadollsposted 11 years ago

   Vinegar or hot sauce? Good or Bad discipline of a younger naughty child ?
   
   The punishment for being saucy, telling a lie, swearing, just being really bad and nasty child is  vinegar or Hot sauce.  My son & daughter-in-law give their children a small drop of vinegar or hot sauce, as a last resort for punishment.  I struggle with this. How do others feel about it?

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   sethpowersposted 11 years ago

   Do the words cruel and unusual punishment mean anything to you? How would you like it if someone dumped a spicy hot or foul tasting liquid down your throat? You wouldn't and neither do children. That is unfathomably reprehensible.
   
   Children shouldn't be subject to bizarre punishments simply because of their age. Why not approach the subject like you would (read: hopefully) another adult and discuss the issue to come to a mutually agreeable solution. Children make these mistakes out of genuine ignorance not malice, so it's much better to try to understand why they did something and teach them not to do it again then to perpetuate their behavior and make them hate you by abusing them. They may be younger, smaller, and (in some cases) less intelligent but children are still human beings; probably the purest, most carefree individuals on the planet. Don't destroy that because you hate your life. They deserve the same respect as everyone else.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I do not agree with this. I struggle with it but it seems to work by just using the threat. I was never a parent who used physical abuse as a form of punishment. My sons sat on a stool in the corner.

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      sethpowersposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Even rudimentary psychology disparages the use of negative reinforcement to promote good behavior. Try talking to your kids and helping them improve as people by giving them respect. You'd be surprised how many issues are resolved by the golden rule.

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   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   This is a form of child abuse and once was exposed on Dr. Phil along with several other TV shows. Being a parent is about teaching. A parent has something wrong with them if they are unable to teach by using words and instead have to make up crazy punishments or abusive techniques. I love my children and could never imagine putting hot sauce in their mouths. Perhaps you could talk them into attending parenting class or buy them some books on how to deal with a child's bad behavior.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wished I had seen this on Dr Phil. I do not agree with it. Inever physically punished my sons. They had corner time outs.

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      sethpowersposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I bet the people who do this are the same people who rub animal's faces in their own excrement. Just the thought of these abject wastes of space disgusts me. I am embarrassed to even be a part of the same species.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   As someone who works for a therapist I will tell you it is considered abuse and should be reported.
   
   It is a form of torture and believe me if it worked, a parent would only have to do it once --but it does not work but it will leave an emotional scar.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with the abuse & I would never do this.

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      sethpowersposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Kudos duffsmom, you make a great point!

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   nightwork4posted 11 years ago

   neither. both are basically child abuse in my eyes. if your kids are that bad, it's the parents fault almost every time. instead of doing something cruel like vinegar or hot sauce, look at yourself and you will find the problem.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I totally agree but how does one tell her daughter-in-law she has a parenting problem. I would never do this.

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      peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      No offense nanadolls, but ask yourself who sits back and doesn't say anything? While it may be easier to ignore the problem you need to find a way to address the issue. Even if it is not simple or makes her angry.

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      nightwork4posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      it's not about you and her, it's about those poor kids. we have to stand up for kids and one way to do it is by letting anyone know that what they are doing is wrong.

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   BeCuriousposted 11 years ago

   This makes me feel very sad.  This is a tricky one.  Obviously, it is wrong and abusive. Clearly you are uncomfortable with it. I really feel for you.  I'm guessing that you may be afraid of alienating your son and daughter-in-law about it and that would also affect your relationship with your grandchildren.
   Are you able to talk to your son?  Can you ask to speak with him privately?  If so, I might say exactly what you feel:  That you struggle with it. 
   Tell them you love them (your son and daughter in law) and that you are afraid they will be angry with you if you tell them how you feel about it.  Tell them you fear their reaction to you for speaking up about it. Tell them you struggle with it because you love your grandchildren and you see that this form of punishment hurts them.  Tell them you know it is difficult to teach and discipline children but teaching them should never hurt them. Tell them that you're afraid this way of punishing them will make them angrier or resentful of their parents later on and this makes you sad.  If any of that resonates with you, tell them.  You might want to have some positive discipline alternatives ready to suggest to them, if they are open to it.
   Tell them how you feel.  Tell them the truth.  Be very honest.  They may sense your feelings about it anyway. 
   Bottom line:  Children who are being abused need the adults in their lives who witness it to speak up for them.  I'm afraid you'll regret it if you do nothing.
   Good luck.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for understanding. You are completely correct. I wanted feedback to find if if this was something new that parents of "today" did? It is something I would never ever do. I never even spanked my sons as I felt it was abusive and now this.

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      BeCuriousposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Trust your instincts.

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   worriedturtleposted 11 years ago

   I have never heard of anyone doing this until today I found out someone in my family was doing this to their child.  I was absolutely horrified when I heard the story.  I think this abusive both psychologically and physically.  I don't know what to do.  Makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. I posted this question because I had never heard of it being done before. My son struggles but my daughter - in-law has no problem giving vinegar to my 4 yr old granddaughter and she's a professional theapist.

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      worriedturtleposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The thing that really bothered me is that the little boy this happened to is only a four years old.  He had this done to him for saying a curse word.  He was pinned down on the floor and had a syringe of vinegar forced into his mouth while crying.

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      nanadollsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sounds just like what hppens to my granddaughter, somewhere in therapist country this has had to have been suggested. As I read the answers to my question the more upset I become. I have decided to tell my daughter-in-law I do not approved pls stop.

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   twig22bendposted 11 years ago

   Speak to your son, alone. Let him know that you want them to stop this method of discipline at once. The reason is because it is wrong and you do not approve of it.
   
   Suggest "downtime", the child will have to go their room or sit somewhere alone without interacting with anyone for a few minutes.
   
   Grandparents today seem to be hesitant about discussing such issues with the now grown child that they have raised. Maybe no one has told them that this not a good choice of discipline. You have a right to discuss this issue with your son. As they say, "It takes a village to raise a child". Parents need all the help that they can get. If you get an adverse response form him, at least you know that you did try to help remedy this issue.

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